The past holds answers but the moment holds - I quietly have been known to ask for whatever I thought I needed - asking god or the universe - I’ve found humans to be flawed yet we’re social beings
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Whenever in that state, I obviously thought it was not psychosis. But rather me being a horrible person.
When coming out of this state, I quickly trusted psychiatry in their story. And their solutions.
I no longer do that either. I try to find my own story of what happened. And my own solutions. For me, that works better. And it does not fit psychiatrý’s story or solutions at all. I do not see psychosis as random loss of reality caused by faulty neurotransmitter systems. To me that theory holds no truth or value or healing power.
In psychosis, I really wasn’t myself. But becoming myself would mean a complete identity change.that seemed almost impossible. I am still working on this and will be for the rest of my life.
What kind of damage it did to you?
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It took me about a year, I think. My memory of that time is spotty. I really started to improve once I accepted my illness and committed to following medical direction and working towards whatever recovery I could. I had been told at the time I had a poor prognosis - this was incorrect as it turned out.
It took me about 7 years to accept it and understand the doctors were on to something. I simply thought there was a conspiracy against me.
In one way it was good because I kept working but I couldn’t keep a job very long. Went through 7 of them in 7 years.
But my medical records were so bad when I did apply for disability I got it easily.
Good luck. 
I was in denile for 3 years whilst being on abilify. I hated the drug and thought that there must be a better way then that i had severe lack of sleep ect.
I fully accept I have had psychosis but I don’t fully accept it’s sz.
Just completely obliterated my metabolism and caused me to gain about 40 pounds in a 4-week span, for starters.
Oh, and it didn’t work, so that’s cool too.
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Everyone has psychotic tendencies, we just get it full blown. It happens, the time i have been psychotic compared to being sane is miniscule so why would i worry about it.
I want to try my best to make sure it never happens again. I don’t enjoy hurting everyone around me. I know it may happen again with this condition, but I want to minimize the chance.
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Me neither. I can’t accept that this has what has become of my brain. I feel like if I’m ever “normal” it means that I could’ve prevented it or that this is just some story in my head. Why would I tell a story ?
I know
This thinking makes little sense but it’s where my mind goes.
I have been greatly improving with medication (two AP’s)
It’s coming up on a year since my first hospital stay, and I still haven’t been able to separate myself from how I acted Vs. Who I truly am, who I was before.
Anger, irritability, and paranoia are not in my nature. It was like a shock to my system. And it’s been harder to accept that it really was my own mind that did this to me.
Sad to hear that, i hope you are doing well without it. I was getting off the risperdal and considering other medication options, i will take the note about zyprexa side effects.
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I have always had some type of denial to psychosis, and still do. I deny it and blame it on people. I can not deny how much medication changes my beliefs though regarding psychosis being a medical condition.
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