Ive posted here before about trying to change my poor character (in some respects poor that is). I am trying to work on this. I want to stop being an angry person, I want to stop having anti social thoughts, and I want to stop condemning people. I want to have a nice personality. I want to have friends. I want the hate to subside but I don’t know how. How does one go about changing these feelings, especially when you consider I do not have friends to rely upon. How do I stop having hateful feelings and thoughts. How can I change…how…I am getting frustrated as I feel nobody has the answer, but maybe you do, so please put yourself out and reply to this post.
Karl, my suggestion would be to talk to a therapist about this. Failing that, you have to make a CONSCIOUS effort to want to change. New thinking habits, new responses to previous triggering situations. I used to have zero patience with people, but over time I learned to develop some simply by accepting these things are beyond my control.
I’m guessing I deal with negative thoughts and emotions on a smaller scale. There are times where if I don’t stop myself then an hour has passed and I have progressed from thinking a negative thought or idea to being pissed off at the situation or thoughts I am myself creating. I have been trying to make the conscious effort that when I first get that negative thought I tell myself no and force myself to think positive. If I can’t grasp a positive thought then I chant things to myself over and over until I can grasp a positive thought. That may sound odd however I find it helps. My standard chant is “Peace harmony love.”
I’m not really sure that it can be done without friendly/loving interactions with other people. Unfortunately, I think that may be the only way to soften one’s heart.
Even in the context of my wife’s faith, there is no such thing as a “Lone-Ranger Christian.”
I used to think I was half-demon and was leaning towards the demon side. I needed meds. I was antisocial as ■■■■ and spent my time practicing martial arts (I have four belts in Krav Maga, have taken crash courses in BJJ and Muay Thai) and lifting weights. I only was social to get liquor in me. I was 18 and 19 so I had drinking buddies who bought the booze.
It took having a dream of being a different person. I believe that dreams are very important. My favorite quote is “Is it a dream or a memory?”
Your dreams will one day be fulfilled and become nothing more than memories after the moment they become real. All we have is dreams and memories, the present changes every moment and was I just wrote is now a memory, for example.
What I’ve done is this. Don’t get mad at or hate yourself for your ‘negative’ characteristics. Instead - even just say at first - love yourself for being that way. The few times I’ve done that, I got an insight to why I was that way… The more you do this - the more under-standing you have. The more you grow.
You can do the same thing with things other people do that you hate or dislike them for.
Everything doesn’t have to be positive. Life is often in the ugly things. Like kissing a frog?
My dislike of people and anger traveled with my paranoia. When I got that under control, I was able to tell myself that people are not trying to purposely annoy me.
I used to just assume that people were out to annoy me so they had to know that what they were doing was annoying. That used to tick me off. But when my paranoia and anxiety got knocked down, I would tell people to stop and then I found out that they truly didn’t know they were annoying me.
I had a very embarrassing incident with a young lady who was a student of my Mom’s.
I assumed she was watching me behind her sunglasses. Trying to psych me out. I got really rude with her. Of course when she got up to walk away, she did have a white cane and a guide dog.
my staffy dog has helped me to think out side my self, so a dog who needs love and attention might be a good place to start. but maybe getting a book out on buddhism which is about unconditional love and kindness might help…
also doing and practicing random acts of kindness…
whoops!?! bad mistake, good lesson !
I don’t know your situation. My only advice is based on my own experience and situation. The less I isolate and the more I’m around people the better attitude I have and I see people aren’t that bad. It’s when I sit in my house for hours on end brooding about how my immediate neighbors are bothering me (when they are not) that’s when I start hating people.
Oh, man. That’s what is called a major Faux Pas!
I had kinda the same thing happen to me when I was using back in 1988. I was in a house full of strangers smoking crack and sitting in the living room in the dark and I got in a staring contest with a prostitute across the room. I think. I’m not sure.
I would recommend you read a book titled The Art of Happiness, by the Dalai Lama and a psychiatrist named Howard C. Cutler.
It combines Buddhist principles and psychological techniques to increase and improve your quality of life, from the core.
I still practice the methods and state of mind today. It seriously changed my life. And made me into a different person.
Keep fighting for your happiness!
Read topics on how to control your emotions. Where your above all your emotions and can control how you feel
First and for most you gotta take interest in people. If you don’t care about them they won’t care about you.
Or: “People don’t care what you know until they know that you care.”
What if you really don’t care?
Care is a four letter word.
The first step is realizing that you want to change and knowing what exactly you want to change about yourself. Which you seem to have done. Maybe doing something nice for someone other than yourself is a good place to start. Try volunteering, or even smiling or saying hello to strangers. It will take baby steps to get to where you want to be. Take it one step at a time and be thoughtful about your actions and words.