This past week has just been miserable for me and I need to vent.
a) I’ve been sick with a nasty bug. Its lasted all week with no improvement. I get a fever a terrible headache and feel absolutely drained of all energy, deeply fatigued.
b) I believe that now that the depoprovera shot is wearing off I’m experiencing my hormones freaking out. Basically one thing the shot does it is suppresses your estrogen levels massively almost to menopausal levels. Thus when you quit it they spike. Unfortunately high estrogen causes all kinds of nasty side effects like mood changes and loss of libido and vaginal dryness (it can also cause fatigue and headaches so who makes if I’m actually sick or if thats hormonal too) and I’m experiencing all of those. I’ve been depressed with no libido at all and have been so dry down there that during sex my boyfriend and I have to pause to reapply lube so often it kills the mood. And the dryness means I get injured during sex more easily so I’ve been getting sore and messed up all the time. I’m so dry I can’t even get a tampon in all the way. Which brings me to the next issue, also related to birth control
c) My IUD is making my period really weird. I switched from the depo shot to the liletta IUD. I had a lot of spotting and then got my period NINE DAYS AGO and it’s still going with no sign of stopping. It’s horrible. Like I said the dryness makes it really hard to put tampons in. And being on my period for so long makes me feel really really unsexy. My libido is already so low from the hormonal nightmare and then I have to deal with not being able to have the same level of foreplay, not being able to receive oral or be fingered or anything, and having to stop things when they get hot and heavy to be like oh let me go take my tampon out. Total mood killer. Or having him touch me down there and feel my tampon string just makes me feel completely unsexy. I slept over at my boyfriends several times and we couldn’t just have sex spontaneously because I couldn’t just keep taking out and putting in tampons I only had so many and it was a pain anyways. I usually sleep naked with him and whoops can’t do that on your period. And the dryness has made the strings less soft so they’ve been poking my boyfriend. So basically my sex life lately has been absolute garbage. My boyfriend has practically given up on me there and hasn’t initiated in forever which doesn’t make me feel good.
d) My mom was having chronic lower back pain, thought she just threw it out helping my aunt and uncle move, at doctors request she got an MRI and they found a cyst on her spine. First they said it was a hematoma then it was a mass and they didn’t know what it was and then finally found it was a cyst. So that was incredibly stressful. She had to go to the emergency room and then stay in the hospital for surgery. It kept getting postponed and then my dad messages me saying she’s going into surgery and will be out in 30 mins and then never texted me back and when I got home 4 hrs later he was still gone so then I was scared something went wrong. But turns out the surgery went well and she’s recovering and will be home tomorrow. Thank God. But that has been so stressful I was so so worried.
e) I have a final next week. Between all the things I mentioned I have been so stressed and dead and upset that I have barely been able to focus and am very behind in studying which is quite stressful.
So yeah. This has not been a good week and certainly not been a good Easter. Thanks for letting me vent I know this is long.
summary: was horribly sick all week, experiencing hormonal insanity and a million bad effects coming off depoprovera, IUD that I now have to replace depo making my period infinitely long, my sex life has been garbage thanks to all this, we had a huge medical scare with my mom when we found she had something wrong with her spine that we discovered was a cyst and she had to get emergency surgery and whatnot for it, barely have studied for my final next week because of stress and illness, it’s been really rough and just awful
I’m sorry. I bet your hormonal side effects will even out in a couple months. Irregular periods are common for the first few months on an IUD, but it usually settles into a much lighter or nonexistent period after a bit. I haven’t had a period in over two years, just occasional light spotting. If the bleeding is severe, it could be a sign of a bad reaction. Have you been keeping track of how many pads/tampons you’re using? Report it to your doctor and see what they say about it. I also got pretty dry and that lasted maybe six months. If you’re not using condoms, an oil-based lube can last longer than water-based. It breaks condoms though, so don’t mix the two. Silicone lube can work great, but decays silicone toys if that’s an issue for you.
If you don’t have a libido, don’t try to force sex. There are other ways to be intimate. I’m sure he’d rather take care of his own needs while you do a sexy pose than push you into something your body isn’t wanting. Be gentle with yourself during this transitional period so you don’t start retraumatizing yourself by exposing yourself to unpleasant sexual experiences. Your body will start to associate sex with pain and you will start to be afraid of even trying.
The bleeding hasn’t been heavy or anything it’s actually much lighter than my natural period. It makes me feel better that you say the dryness will go away it’s really awful and yes we do plan on switching to an oil based lube as we don’t have a need for or use condoms. One of the reasons why he hasn’t been initiating is because he knows my libido has been low and that everything isn’t working quite right down there and a) doesnt want to force me into anything and b) doesnt want to hurt me. Yet I feel like sex is such a hugely important thing to me, like it solidifies my feelings in the relationship that things are good and nice or something like that. When he doesn’t come onto me, even when I am not in the mood, I feel unwanted and less loved for some reason, even though he is very verbally, physically and just all around affectionate in every way. I guess that’s something I have to mull over, i never put it in words before. I push for it even when it hurts me. He ended up getting scared by how much damage we did to me a while back as a result of that and since then refuses to keep going if I mention that it hurts or seem in pain. I’m so messed up…
Also did you notice your sleep getting messed up at all with your IUD? Again this could just be the result of coming off the shot but lately I’ve had terrible insomnia. Ever since starting my period really it’s like I can’t fall asleep until really really late.
Oh, believe me, I understand this 100%. I try to initiate sometimes even when I’m not in the mood. But it ends up starting a cycle of me really not enjoying sex, no matter what we do. Mr. Star and I have figured out a few work-arounds for when I can’t or he can’t, feel free to PM me if you want me to share in more detail. It’s kind of explicit information for the public forum. But since learning those skills, we have a much healthier sex life, even when we don’t have any actual sex.
You guys can always experiment with a lot of different things and see what works for you and what doesn’t. Vaginal intercourse is not the only way to have physical intimacy. Our heteronormative world has put it on a pedestal as the ideal, but for many couples it isn’t even a factor in their lives. I know a few straight women (and many lesbians) who hate having sex that way, and prefer different methods. And they have loving, committed relationships. The world will try to tell you that if you’re not having the “right” sex, your relationship is in trouble. Not so! The rest of the world isn’t in your bedroom with you, and shouldn’t get to influence your decisions. But if you’re not enjoying the sex, your brain will start to associate sex with unpleasantness in your mind, and then you’ll create a mental barrier for yourself that will be hard to break down. The brain is amazing at forming negative patterns, because it’s a survival skill.
As for sleep, I actually slept way more after getting mine put in. I just got mine replaced, and the first two weeks afterwards, I have never slept so much in my life! But I could definitely see it having the opposite effect on you, since you have a sleep disorder already. I don’t know if there are any studies on how IUDs affect people with narcolepsy.
Yeah if you could PM me any strategies that would be great! I want to change the way I feel because you’re right its not healthy for me and ends up giving me anxiety before we have sex because I anticipate it to hurt. You are always so helpful ninja thank you
Anna I’m so sorry you are going through all this. Have you considered using a silicon menstrual cup or a menstrual disc instead of using tampons? Tampons absorb your natural lubrication as well as menstrual blood, I gave up using them years ago and use a menstrual cup now, which catches the blood without causing dryness. The menstrual disc is similar but sits slightly higher up inside you and can actually be worn during sex. I’ve been using them for a long time now and couldn’t recommend them more highly. If dryness is a big issue for you this might well be worth considering. I hope this helps. Best of luck to you, I really hope things improve for you.
I loved the disc and wore that all the time but you can’t wear it with an IUD as it may displace it so I had to go back to tampons. I’m not sure about the cup though.
Hey I wanted to thank you so much I researched it and actually tampons are not any safer than a flex disc to use with an IUD but the risk of pulling out your IUD is very small. So I’m going to go back to wearing the flex disc that will save me so much trouble thanks!!
