Is to aks myself or let sink in the following issue:
what is more important to me: to be right, or to have peace of mind?
and to be honest to oneself about it… like, it is not quite fashionable to say I value being right very much, but I think honest reflection on a fierce discussion/argument reflects that it actually is kinda important to a lot of people.
It has helped me, for it became somewhat of a solace, rather than a disaster, to think: it was just me all along, fortunately
Certainly no plug-and-play tactic. It was very hard work for me, but I do think it has helped me a lot in dealing with delusions.
I have a similar thing: I ask myself, If I follow this belief through to the end, then what? What effect does it have? Will it help get me to where I want to go?
There are a lot of ideas and thoughts that are fascinating or compelling for me, but ultimately just end up draining my energy and resources.
My roommate and I were talking about this (and you, actually, you have said something similar before) in the context of a time I was convinced I was being monitored by the government. She still is convinced I was, and I was trying to explain how that might be true, but what good is it going to do me to believe in it? Put like that, with your help (thank you), she finally understood what I had been trying to say, and agreed to stop pushing the issue.
This little something has helped me a lot. There’s also the fact that I question a lot my own thoughts, and it’s been easier recognizing delusions and shaking them off. Therapy has helped with this immensely.
yes exactly. I think acceptance of sz is an almost logical next step, for in some twisted sense a stance like that happily embraces the possibility of being deluded. Perhaps that can be dangerous when put like that, but I think we’re on the same page here. Though perhaps not necessarily so, it seems that the vast majority of delusions are far more disturbing than a positive conception of what it can be like to live with treated sz.
I wasn’t sure whether I posted something like this before so I did it again anyway :P. But I think there is something to be gained in incorporating values, either implicit or explicit, into discussions about delusions. I get the impression that patient’s values are avoided in a lot of studies. As if no problem could lie there. Maybe that is just me, but I found recovering from and disentangling of delusions had a lot to do with motivated reasoning including values of mine.
Is it wrong to have peace of mind because im right?
Hahahaha.
But i feel im never too proud to admit when i was wrong (if ever! Lol). But i always think on some level that i am wrong and go to great lengths to research or thoroughly think thru a subject to make sure i am at least comfortable with my stance. My wife gets upset with me at times because she asks me a question and it takes me a full day to come up with an answer. Lmao. The pitfalls of being obsessively analytical i guess.
But i definitely need piece of mind to continue on this plane of reality and exist with others. I will literally tear myself apart if i cannot feel some sort of closure when resolving an issue, any issue, no matter how indiscriminate it may be. @Minnii can prob attest to that! Lol.
Now my question to you @flybottle and others, is do we only have piece of mind when internally we feel that we have aligned ourselves correctly with what we feel is the proper answer? Or can we truly take solace in being blatantly and absolutely incorrect about something and really accept the fact that we are wrong?..without a backhanded settlement to the arguement…“well i guess we will have to agree to disagree” or something to that effect where we refuse to concede the point. Is that piece of mind by sticking to our point or is that needing to be right in our own minds?
I struggle with this regarding my past delusions during my last and most recent serious psychotic break. I still debate myself whether i can trust what i saw and believed, and whether it could have actually been real, and whether it feeds my delusional beast to even ponder these questions. Ive settled to just let it go and concede that i was wrong, but i feel that i am still missing that piece of mind to move on and have closure that i need. I feel that it will haunt me until i can let it go or find some resolution and not sure quite how just yet.
Hopefully you know me well enough by now that you know i cant do that. I have a hard time if i dont know or understand something, regardless of what it is. I have difficulty attaining peace of mind without the understanding which i need and crave, probably because of my obsessive nature.
I am starting to see this may be more of a problem and more deeply ingrained in my personality and nature than i had previously invisioned, (per my tdoc last session). But i cant be happy “not knowing” anything, i have to, and need to know everything about every subject, always wanting to learn about everything i possibly can. Im just trying to realize when i take it to unhealthy levels. I should probably go back to school or something!! Lol.
But ive settled on just not thinking about it and trying to move on, but its difficult without the closure i crave and need.
I can recognize some things that you mention from my own psychoses, perhaps indeed common to reflective and analytical minds. I described it here:
this exercise in skepticism, proving/disproving, or reality-checking was pretty much what I was doing all day in psychoses. For me, being delusional isn’t something that happens behind my back. I would rather find myself believing or experiencing something rather profound, in the sense it has a large impact on me, and would be aware that something has changed (though me being deluded would be the last thing to think about). It is only then that the real trouble starts, it seems to me. As described in the post I referenced, I would rip common sense reality apart by skepticism/analyzing my own delusions in contrast to that. This is a large part of what was troubling me at those times, it was indeed compulsive, Peace of mind would amount to me being able to stop this compulsion. The urge to be right was its fuel.
I really like your take on things @flybottle and enjoy the hypotheticals on which we can hypothesize, no matter how real they have been or continue to be. Keep it up man, you really get me thinking at times.
On a side note… I think you were the first to respond to my very first post a little over a month ago, you and @Minnii. Glad you guys popped my cherry!! Lmao.
i really enjoy the intelligent theoretical conversations, i dont get that much with my friends. Thanks guys!
I was talking to someone I grew up with one day, and I told her “I made all this crap up in my head.” Like about an agency wanting to sabotage me/spy on me.
She replied “Well but it’s still all real to you.”
I suppose she was just trying to give me solace to the fact that my delusions still held merit to me, because in my mind they’re very real.
And it’s still something I struggle with. So I completely understand when you say “it was just me all along.”
