A hold on me

I feel controlled by my father, Every movement, every gesture, every word just so he can say that I am unwell or am mentally ill person, in the derogative sense. I feel I’m going crazy because I literally don’t talk to anyone during all day and so the focus goes all to this stupid bullcrap.

I’m waiting for August to end so I can go do some volunteering. And I am trying to arrange a meeting with a social worker so I can see if there is some protected jobs.

This is getting to me. And I can’t say that I am uncomfortable in his presence because I get ostracised by my own family.

I know I sound like a kid, wining about his parents. But please cut me some slack.

When I was living with my mom her presence was painful to me because it reminded me that I was an adult and a dependent and that I couldn’t make it on my own. My mom didn’t understand that, so she didn’t know how to alleviate my despondency. It was a relief when I moved out.

How did you manage to move out? …Because living alone is expensive.

You’re fine man.

It’s tough to find interest in things. You have to almost force it which isn’t enjoyable. The mind wants to solve its problems so it focuses on them.

All that said it sounds like you could use some fresh air and a coffee. Maybe find a book or video game or website to help you pass the time.

I got sent to an assisted living center for the mentally ill. Here it isn’t as painful to know your a dependent because you are surrounded by people who are in the same boat. I’m thinking I’m going to move into public housing, except that I’m afraid the police will start arresting me for no reason again.

Yes it’s hard… And I don’t really have interest in things, don’t find things enjoyable. There’s too much tension in this household.

The tension exists in the mind. If you take away its credibility and focus things will seem smoother.

The thing is, that in November I am supposed to be taken of the antipsychotic but I feel I won’t make it until then.

Yeah I feel you. And I should start verbalizing my feelings. It stresses even the body.

I can sympathize. I’ve felt the same way. Maybe you could try a different AP. That’s between you and your doctor.

It is supposed to be removed completely.

Lucky you. They won’t even consider removing me from an AP.

I haven’t told this to my father and nor will I. He will start saying ■■■■.

You’ve got to do what is best for you. Still, I would listen to the advice of mental health professionals.

I’ve managed to talk on the phone with two people. One was just criticizing all that I said, even when I said that I reduced my intake of tobacco, a good thing. I was mad at all those critics and said it. But the other guy, I phoned him and was more relaxed. I need some human touch.