A god of delusions?

So after my first episode, where i heard god speak and thought that people were angels, including my family and the psychward nurses, it took 7 months for “God” to finally stop threatening me with hell and told me, that everyone goes to heaven and that it were only jokes about me being a fallen angel. He even called me “spongebob” and “Gollum” to undermine how unserious this entire thing was and also told me that we dont have choices in life, but everything is pre-determined.

Then 1 month ago, in March, after watching some christian movie about “666” late night, i went to bed. When i stood up i felt like i learned alot went to talk to my father and then all of a sudden my father says “the moon is shining right the end is soon here, we are the saved angels and youre of the destined ones who go to hell” i went nuts. Got brought to hospital and stayed there for 1 month with good days, feeling like a human. And bad days, feeling like im going to hell, while patients in another building scream as if they were tormeted by fire.

Now i am at a crossroads of what to believe. Is Jesus right and im a fallen angel with a broken heart or is this other God, who ridicules me and makes fun of me, right? Both are evil to me. The thing is that they are god and youre just a human, so just suck it up and be roasted for eternity without escape?

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Its a constant fight with god and i am tired of fighting, for so long. will he ever stop making my life miserable and turn it into a good life, as he promised me endless of times?

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One of the more humiliating of my experiences resulting from religious delusions was, after organising a personal meeting with a pastor, announcing that I had discovered:

Every human is descended from fallen angels. Still doesn’t sound that bad until you are told “No. Actually, humans are descended from Adam. Angels exist only in spirit.”. Of course, I didn’t stop there though. I also decided to share that each of us (fallen angels) had to find our familiar (an animal companion) and marry another fallen angel before one qualified for ascension. It went on. It can’t be THAT easy. No. Only one of the two married pair can ascend without first enduring the entirity of Jesus’ pain.

That lead to me thinking I was experiencing stigmata. I’m pretty proud of myself for being happy to take that one for my wife though!

The pastor was kind enough to contradict all of my beliefs gently.

The parable for today? I don’t know man … take your pick!

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I find the idea of hell perplexing. How could a loving God make people burn for eternity? I’ve read about a pretty fair number of near death experiences on the internet, many of them hellish. I don’t think I have encountered one near death experience where the person wasn’t rescued from hell. I don’t think anyone deserves to suffer horribly for eternity.

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I think neither of them is true. Your a human being with flaws and certainly qualities like everyone else. It’s your grandiose delusions talking there.

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I wish you were right, but you cant change it, when constantly hearing the voices, in and outside the head. On the radio, on television, in books and journals. But i must admit, sometimes they give me rest as to think on my own again, or when i talk with my psychologist & psychward staff.

The awful part is that “god” already made fun the entire scenario of people being angels and of hellfire. But why the hell am i in the same comedy again, which feels as if its not a joke afterall.

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Are you back on meds?

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clozapin & tavor, no effects at all, apart from feeling weak and having a hard time to get out of bed.

my entire experience was very supernatural. From not feeling my stomach, not feeling any effects from meds, not feeling nicotine after smoking 2 cigarettes and having a totally healthy lungs as if no smoke went in there. talking to jesus, god the father, they really looked like the church painting. from seeing people breathe cold air from their mouth even though it was warm. etc.

this entire schizophrenia is an experience of god, an illness, as it makes me very much painfully uncomfortable but still its real and thus cant be cured with medication

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That might be post psychotic depression you’re experiencing

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A strange thing happened in 1999. I lived in America and I spent a lot of my time in one room in one house. I often listened my radio and short wave radio. Suddenly I started receiving some ‘communication’ from somewhere and it said that I should change my channel to 666 on the short wave radio. I did this and there was some Christian broadcasting. It was long time ago and I never figured what really happened.

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Perhaps, but more likely the effect of clozapin+tavor. Weird when you get the sideeffects but not the healing effects.

When you think about this stuff, do you factor in the good and bad things you’ve done and weigh them against what other people have done? If there is a God, we’re probably all held to the same standard. Me? I prefer to think this life is not some sort of test.

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God made it so that your “good deeds” are pointless if you dont have unconditional selfless love for him and turn your heart from the left side to the right side spiritually. So everything you consume becomes covered in loved instead of being consumed by your own ego.

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I thought that scripture was a book of God’s laws that we are to obey out of duty, because we are beholden to him for our existence, not for hope of eternal reward. I guess it depends on your standpoint.

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BWAAAHAAA. Nope. I’m descended from primordial slime.

And THIS is why we try to limit religious debate here. VERY triggering for people who suffer from religious delusions. And as you’ve just demonstrated, it can lead to an expensive hospitalization. Note to @asgoodasitgets: Do you get it now?

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haven’t had a religious debate here for ages, posted a couple of things but it wasn’t a debate, probably won’t post much else but i am Christian and thats just who i am, i just happen to be sz thats all, looks like i am being dragged into a debate now though, i think i’ll be quiet now :confused:

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You deliberately posted something that you knew could trigger others…

…but hey, it’s all about you, right? You don’t get the harm these posts cause.

yeah and i said it was a trigger to warn people so the people that don’t get triggered by it could read, and it was a peaceful thread i think, its part of my recovery, a new life

Like THAT is going to work for people who have religious compulsions. d00d. Next time just don’t post it.

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ok, i wont post it then, i don’t see the trouble it causes but as you are a mod i will take your word for it,