A cry for support

DX'd - Other
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Hello fellow diagnosed schizofreniacs (I just invented the word, I know). I am not having a good time at all.

I’m hardly writing right now, when I talk my words come out very slowly and a bit mingled, I feel unmotivated and had suicidal thoughts. I tried exercising to shake off the depression, but being always tired gets me even worse.

I am taking my abilify pill on a daily basis, I only skipped one or two in three months. My baby is next to me and I try to smile at him so that he does not copy my bad moods and expressions, but I don’t know how much longer I can cope with this feeeling of pain, uselessness and urgence.

My husband tries to explain to me what happens to my brain, he studies hard in order to understand these things. But it just does not come out right, I always end up in pain and crying, I am nothing like the woman I used to be.

My husband tells me that my thoughts don’t seem to have their logic together anymore. I tend to believe him, as he is my person of trust, we have an understanding that if he tells me that I’ll do whatever it takes to get back on track with my schizophrenia. Well, I don’t really know what to do.

I took Solian for a few months and it was more than ok , but then again, on Solian I have no menses and I have a very high prolactin level, so I even lactate amply. I had to quit that. I unwillingly took up Abilify, and it was ok for m=some time, but right now I feel like I am about to get hospitalised again and I fear for my family’s safety, as they depend on me to care for the nine months kid.

I really don’t know what to do right now. Please let me know if you have anything to say at all about this. I guess I need some kind of support from people who have been through this already.

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I plan on having kids, so I’ll do what I can. I think it would be helpful for you to see a therapist on a regular basis. Having kids is a hard thing anyway, not to mention with sz. You might be having postpartum depression. A therapist can help you with that and also guide you to say the right things to your psychiatrist.

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You’re doing the right thing by asking for help. It’s okay to lean on people for a while if you need to. Right now you need to concentrate on setting up the services that you need. Talk to a doctor. It could be that your med’s aren’t working right, and maybe you can find the right combination of med’s. You might have to ask your husband to do more for you. He agreed to stay with you “for better or for worse”.

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If it’s any consolation, you write well.

You really need to talk to your doctor. He can adjust your medication. Abilify is good stuff but often people take other meds in addition. If you tell your doctor what’s going on he can help you. Don’t suffer in silence and don’t wait until the hospital is the only option.

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i have been through this and worse when my kids were 18 months and 4 years old. i was floridly psychotic and ended up running away from home to protect them. i was very anxious and terrified for them and thought it best that i wasn’t present during their upbringing. of course i came back and spent 6 months in the hospital trying to recover. if the meds are not working maybe hospital is the best place for you. try all the med adjustments you can first. don’t ever feel like uv failed. depend upon your husband for support at this time. my husband was brilliant with me and our kids. he supported me throughout my trials and tribulations. all i can say is, this time will pass. don’t give up hope at all. always here if you need a chat xxx

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I think the pain is coming from the fact that you want to give to your baby something your mother didn’t give to you but that something you really needed.

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I’m sorry you are struggling. There are tons of meds out there, don’t give up hope. Depression is hard to deal with. Luckily I haven’t felt it in four years. It seems the depression went away, but the psychosis amped up. Depression changes your whole perspective on life, which makes suicide feel like a good answer. Trust me if you didn’t have the depression suicide would sound like a ridiculous option. With depression you see only pain and darkness in the world. If the abilify is not helping your mood, which it should, maybe you need an antidepressant. I’ve always needed two antipsychotics on board. When I was on Risperdal my prolactin levels were high and I didn’t get my period. I stopped the Risperdal about 6 weeks ago and got my period last week after not having it for a year and five months. Antipsychotics are intense meds with major side effects. Please talk to your doctor. I write down everything I want to bring up during my appointment or else I would just say “I’m fine.” Things will get better. Keep posting on here it helps. :sunny:

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all I can offer you is my own experience with abilify I switched from Seroquel to abilify and it was horrible, I couldn’t sit still felt agitated couldn’t sleep couldn’t eat I think seeing your phyciatrist and maybe talking about medications might be a good idea. tc

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It’s a bit late for postpartun depression, but it might be that sitting around with my kid all day brought on the depression. However, it’s not a thing I will let have the best of me. Thanks for the therapist suggestion, I found a cognitive therapist locally and was wondering what would the best argument be for spending the money on her services. Guidance for talking with my pdoc is a good example of such an argument. Haven’t decided yet, but I’ll bring that up with my husband.

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My husband does a lot for me, he tries his best to be supportive without being an enabler for my depression. I really rely on his judgement and he sais that so far abilify seems the best option there is for me on the market. That two or five days of depression are far better than two weeks of psychosis. Also, that I should talk about this with my pdoc.

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Thank you for your kind words, I will talk to my pdoc as soon as possible.

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I thought that too, that I might need an antidepressant with abilify, but I wonder if it won’t get me in a manic state if I take it. I’ve seen it happen to my sister-in law who is also sch. She had to quit abilify altogether after that. But, after all, medication has different effects on different people, right?

Update: I’m feeling better today, thank you all for your kind words.Last evening I simply refused being taken in by my depression, I dressed well, I started smiling and I went ahead and met my husband as he was coming back from work. It helped a lot, the mere fact that I smiled and my husband seemed less worried about me, we had a nice evening and all.

I’ll contact my pdoc as soon as possible anyway.

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“for better or for worse” sorry that line makes me laugh

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hi zupa i always think you cant affors not to when it comes to your mental health. anti depressants dont necessarily make you manic im glad your feeling better today! tc

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Your husband is supportive, and you are a responsible mother.
What you need to know is you are having a loving family which some are longing for.

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Hi :slight_smile: Come join us at madmindchatter.com. We started that site for support among peers. It’s mostly writing blogs. :slight_smile: Maybe writing about your experiences with schizophrenia will help you. They are healing me so much. It helps so much to talk about it. <3 Big hugs to you. You do write well. I think this illness causes us to question ourselves. <3