35 years of paranoid schizophrenia

Hey, when I first got sick, I was REALLY sick. Now I have a semblance of a normal life. But when I was psychotic my first two years of my illness when I was 19-21, I had no idea or clue if I would EVER get better. I remember in the middle of my suffering that I read about “seeing the light at the end of the tunnel”. And I remember getting home in my psychosis and realizing that I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I saw no indication that me suffering would ever stop. I didn’t even plan for the future because my paranoid schizophrenia consumed me. It was my whole focus. it was what my life was about.

Well, when I was 21 years old my parents arranged for me to live in a locked psychiatric hospital. It had a hundred other very sick people. I don’t know how I survived. I got put on medication but I suffered the entire time I was there with terrible symptoms. I almost got beat up a few times and I was ALWAYS right on the edge of going stark raving mad. Well after 8 months my parents (again) arranged for me to move into a nice residential treatment home. It was very heavily structured. Through a series of small steps I got a job 9 months later, I stayed there four years.

I a few years later I enrolled myself in college while living in semi-independent living. This was around 1984. Unfortunately around that time I got addicted to crack, but I later got clean in 1990.

Anyway, I just want to say that anyone who saw me in 1980-82 would have though my case was hopeless. I sure thought so. But I have now worked for the last 30-odd years. I need only four more classes for my degree. I have lived on my own since 1995 and I take care of myself. It hasn’t been close to easy but it has it’s rewards and perks.

This morning I got up and drove to the store and bought some sodas. Yesterday, I was in the depths of despair. but that’s how life works. One day you’re up and the next day you’re down. You can’t predict your future. Just take your medication, let people help you and do what you can. I hope you get something from my story, good luck.


great story, thank you. it gives me hope :slight_smile:

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Thanks Nick. Incredibly helpful.

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I’m over 20 years, but you got me beat. Big tribute to those young who have it, you can survive.

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Thanks nick. You just gave me a lot of hope

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Wow thanks for the inspiration i really need it im new to this site but im diagnose with the same exact thing nothing has changed in my life for over a yr now im still friendless and jobless it kind of sucks but yet i like being alone that way no one can do anything

I’m not taking away anything from your struggle, but when I first became sick I had no idea I was sick. “Light at the end of the tunnel”. There was light right in front of me but it was fake light. I remember though one time I was parking my car and some kid said I had hit his car when I didn’t. I almost got into a big fight. Then his friend tried to calm me down and said “He has issues” and I said “WELL MAYBE I HAVE ISSUES TOO.” Maybe in the back of my mind I knew a little bit, but overall I didn’t think anything was wrong with me. I know you’ve said similar things though, but sometimes we have contradicting thoughts I guess.

Thanks Nick. Getting a degree is huge, I wish I had one. But maybe someday, miracles happen sometimes.

Thank you for that @77nick77

Something to remember.

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That’s a really nice story! Its great that ur living independent and doing so well!

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