Hey, when I first got sick, I was REALLY sick. Now I have a semblance of a normal life. But when I was psychotic my first two years of my illness when I was 19-21, I had no idea or clue if I would EVER get better. I remember in the middle of my suffering that I read about “seeing the light at the end of the tunnel”. And I remember getting home in my psychosis and realizing that I saw no light at the end of the tunnel. I saw no indication that me suffering would ever stop. I didn’t even plan for the future because my paranoid schizophrenia consumed me. It was my whole focus. it was what my life was about.
Well, when I was 21 years old my parents arranged for me to live in a locked psychiatric hospital. It had a hundred other very sick people. I don’t know how I survived. I got put on medication but I suffered the entire time I was there with terrible symptoms. I almost got beat up a few times and I was ALWAYS right on the edge of going stark raving mad. Well after 8 months my parents (again) arranged for me to move into a nice residential treatment home. It was very heavily structured. Through a series of small steps I got a job 9 months later, I stayed there four years.
I a few years later I enrolled myself in college while living in semi-independent living. This was around 1984. Unfortunately around that time I got addicted to crack, but I later got clean in 1990.
Anyway, I just want to say that anyone who saw me in 1980-82 would have though my case was hopeless. I sure thought so. But I have now worked for the last 30-odd years. I need only four more classes for my degree. I have lived on my own since 1995 and I take care of myself. It hasn’t been close to easy but it has it’s rewards and perks.
This morning I got up and drove to the store and bought some sodas. Yesterday, I was in the depths of despair. but that’s how life works. One day you’re up and the next day you’re down. You can’t predict your future. Just take your medication, let people help you and do what you can. I hope you get something from my story, good luck.