Hey so I’ve wondered about this on and off. I seem to deal with two different kinds of paranoia. One I’m not even sure if I could call it paranoia? Maybe you guys can help me figure it out.
Ok so the first kind of paranoia I get is textbook. Basically during episodes I feel like everyone hates me and wants nothing to do with me. It makes me get really defensive and mopey.
The second kind of paranoia however, is more like pure, absolute fear. Panic. It is usually set off by environmental conditions (ex darkness, dim lighting, silence, sudden loud noise, also being in bathrooms/closets makes me more susceptible to getting it as well?) And what happens with this is I start feeling like I’m in grave danger. Generally I project this as meaning I’m not alone in the room. There’s something there and I’m in danger and I’m going to be killed unless I do something. This is when I start getting irrational thoughts like my reflection is going to come out of my mirror and kill me if I close my eyes. This fear used to be incredibly severe for me and was the leading cause of my insomnia at night. It was also one of the top reasons I sought help for my psychosis in the first place, along with the demon attacks as they are both the WORST thing I experience.
What is the second paranoia? The fear that creeps over me? I used to get it way more often as a kid, my mom says I was scared all the time. It would be really weird things too, like afraid airplanes would abduct me or that I was going to fall into the sky. And of monsters of course. Man I was so scared as a kid…it almost sounds a little OCD to me, because I know they get feelings like something awful is going to happen unless they do a certain thing, and I think it’s like that to an extent for me.
I dunno, maybe there are just two kinds of paranoia, the “everyone’s out to get me” and the “ohmygodmylifeisindangerIneedtodosomethingrightnoworI’lldie” paranoia. Thoughts?
You have demon problems too, I’ve gathered from your posts. What’s your demon like?
But yeah a lot of my fear comes from the demons being there, or at my old house it was dead people and demons, usually it’s me feeling like there’s other things in the room I can’t see that want to hurt me. When I was a little kid I’d be overcome by a wave of fear and had to hide under my blankets until the monsters left the room. If I moved at all I’d thought they’d kill me. Ah fun stuff.
I have no fears that I can not physically change. If I was to fear something I would just avoid it or go around it, who cares. If I die then it is my time and worrying about it is not going to change it, people die everyday. Find meaning to your life make decisions about things that scare you, make a plan. If you believe you have a soul understand it and understand you will become something again. If these demons you fear were able to hurt you they would have done so already, don’t give them power over you. I see all the same things you see Anna and worse but I chose to be strong and confront them, your mind is stronger then you think. Keep testing the waters and keep testing them to see that they can not harm. I do not understand ocd or how it affects the mind but my wife and my oldest child have moments where they can not move past certain things, I find that talking them through these problems and being firm with them they will eventually get past these bouts. Good luck to you
My demon stands close to me. Usually behind me. Says nasty things. Sometimes he whispers. He did scare me in the beginning but I’ve decided to not be afraid of him. Increasing my meds helped a lot.
He says things I can’t repeat to you because it is embarrassing and would propably be reported. He whispers “I’m still here” and laughs.
Nah I don’t think I have that. Most of my fear doesn’t come from people. And I don’t hold grudges at all, I’m very laid back. Just because I don’t trust people doesn’t mean I hate them, ya know?
Being afraid to fall into the sky.
I used to have that. I remember sitting on a grassy hill with my family watching a firework show, holding onto the grass for dear life.
It’s probably intrusive thoughts that turn into fears.
When I get paranoia, it consists of being followed, spied on, mind reading, and manipulation.