Hey so I’ve wondered about this on and off. I seem to deal with two different kinds of paranoia. One I’m not even sure if I could call it paranoia? Maybe you guys can help me figure it out.
Ok so the first kind of paranoia I get is textbook. Basically during episodes I feel like everyone hates me and wants nothing to do with me. It makes me get really defensive and mopey.
The second kind of paranoia however, is more like pure, absolute fear. Panic. It is usually set off by environmental conditions (ex darkness, dim lighting, silence, sudden loud noise, also being in bathrooms/closets makes me more susceptible to getting it as well?) And what happens with this is I start feeling like I’m in grave danger. Generally I project this as meaning I’m not alone in the room. There’s something there and I’m in danger and I’m going to be killed unless I do something. This is when I start getting irrational thoughts like my reflection is going to come out of my mirror and kill me if I close my eyes. This fear used to be incredibly severe for me and was the leading cause of my insomnia at night. It was also one of the top reasons I sought help for my psychosis in the first place, along with the demon attacks as they are both the WORST thing I experience.
What is the second paranoia? The fear that creeps over me? I used to get it way more often as a kid, my mom says I was scared all the time. It would be really weird things too, like afraid airplanes would abduct me or that I was going to fall into the sky. And of monsters of course. Man I was so scared as a kid…it almost sounds a little OCD to me, because I know they get feelings like something awful is going to happen unless they do a certain thing, and I think it’s like that to an extent for me.
I dunno, maybe there are just two kinds of paranoia, the “everyone’s out to get me” and the “ohmygodmylifeisindangerIneedtodosomethingrightnoworI’lldie” paranoia. Thoughts?