I’ve done so many crazy things while psychotic I don’t know which one is the worst. One that comes to mind now is a few years ago when I ran away from this sh*t sty nursing home for the mentally ill in Chicago one day, and walked all day with a broken foot, limping along city streets, finally catching a bus, trying to get to Union Station to catch a train to Elgin - my home town.
By the time I got in range of the station (never realizing how close I was), I was walking under an overpass in heavy traffic that must have been going 60, maybe 70 MPH, and I almost got plastered out of existence, but I jumped into an inlet in the cement structure of the overpass just in time, as though God Himself told me to see the inlet at just the right moment. I still cringe every time I think about it. I was able to get out of there safely because traffic thinned out for a few minutes. After searching for many hours, and finally sitting down to give up on finding Union Station, the next corner I turned was the Station. I couldn’t believe it.
Long story short, I didn’t go anywhere. I ended up catching an el train back to the nursing home and I told them that I had gotten lost. They didn’t care, which was their basic attitude about everything.
I tried to rip out my left eyeball…but came to enough to slice my hand from thumb to pinky to stop myself from ripping the eye out with a guitar string and spoon…no perma damage to neither the hand or eye…but did get forced into the hospital…
well this isn’t the worst thing, but I remember being so paranoid that I went outside without a coat, on a cold afternoon, and sat down on the bare ground next to a playground a few steps from home. I was planning on staying there till at least night. I probably would’ve, too; but the funny thing is that I coincidentally was sitting across from a police station. and the police told me that I couldn’t specifically sit down at the area where I was. but I didn’t comply. I told them I wanted to go to jail. But they sent me to the ward instead.
now that I think about it, I’m quite lucky I didn’t go to jail like I wanted. I never had a criminal record, and some say that having one is not good to live with.
So after, or so I thought, the hospital was controlling my mind and trying to make me think I was Jesus. I got everyones attention during visiting
Hour, after I tried to get my wife to dance with me. I filled up two Glasses with what I told everyone was Holly WATER. Went over to two of the undercover FBI agents that where posing as mental patients. Then I proceeded to throw the water in there faces.
Turned out the following days they were very gracious and forgiving like most mental patients are. Even my loving wife forgave me.
I once took a whole wall of my house out with a sledgehammer in order to see if there were people hiding in there. Lucky for me, it wasn’t a load bearing wall.
Oh boy, I stole money out of boredom when I was a kid, I shared “information” about a girl I thought was getting herself into trouble with boys, I’ve harassed people I thought were persecuting/stalking me, I worked a five hour shift smelling like urine because I was ashamed of the way I looked when I was depressed. “Them’s the breaks”.
I never thought they were robotic but I used to think they had cameras in their eyes and my voices told me to take my dogs eyes out so they couldn’t record me.
I thought I had to make up for some bad past lives and to do it I had to swim across a river. Nearly died trying it, I kept my feet in front of me being swept across rapids. I eventually came to my senses and tried to swim towards a concrete bridge girder, I got swept passed it then I saw an old railroad bridge girder approaching and I was able to swim up behind it and with all my force was able to grab onto a bush growing on it. Then I was able to climb up onto the girder. Somebody saw me struggling in the river and called 911. After hanging out 20 minutes or so a rescue boat came out into the river and got me after the sun had set. I then spent 3 weeks in a mental hospital where I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia., I thought I had died and was in some afterworld. Lots of crazy experiences in the mental hospital!
I kind of deal with a similar situation. I get paranoid of mirrors and wanted them removed from my bathroom but was too afraid of criticism to say anything.
One of the scariest things: I ran away from the mental hospital, thinking that they all were demons and I had to get to Jesus who would save me. I took a train to another country (ours is small). There I walked the streets all day and night, believing I could not eat or drink anything or use any manmade things (trams, telephone, etc). I pinned a lot of money before leaving (800 euros or so) and gave it all away to a begging girl (oops). In the middle of the night I met a man… I asked him whether he believed in God, he said yes and started a very enthousiastic story about that. That’s when I trusted him and asked whether I could stay at his place at night. He said yes. I slept in his bed (oops again). I asked him to pray for/with me and confessed all my sins. He must have thought I was rather weird. I started to believe he must be Jesus, because he was so full of God’s light. Which made me rather suprised when he wanted to sleep with me. I said no and ran away from the apartment. Ran into a police car and told them I wanted to go home… which is when they locked me up in a highly secured (army people with big guns etc) police building, waiting there all day dead scared in a cell to be transported back to the hospital. Where they were not too amused by my little trip.
I had a psychotic episode very similar to yours. I also travelled to a different country in search of Jesus. I thought I found him too, and I was buying chocolate and tea for homeless people (I could see myself giving money away if I’d had any). Yours sounds scarier though with the lock up.
Thanks for sharing that you had a similar experience. The lock up was definitely scary. I don’t understand why they lock up a completely non-violent scared person like that for a whole day. Nobody even explained what was happening or how long it would take. It did not exactly help to reduce my terror. I wished I had just gone home by train by myself.
Maybe the 3rd to worst i did (you cant hear the worst), i peed in a cup and drank it as a sort of ritual to save myself from being influenced by people who i thought were against me. It was dark yellow and salty because i hadnt drank water in a while, and i just gulped it down.
