2.5 years in and well… I think I might be starting to enjoy this.
It’s fun to talk about. It’s fun/challenging to cope with. There is a lot of insight about the human mind in general I wouldn’t have known otherwise. There is also that dream of completely conquering it and returning to a normal life as a champion. Not for anyone else to see, but just that internal sense of having accomplished something. Mental illness can teach you to accept modesty in life, it can help show you that life is better without the use of drugs. A whole host of things.
It has also shown me that the world is kind and forgiving and that people are actually quite reasonable. There is stigma out there, and sometimes we stigmatize the normies. But most developed nations have disability programs, a pretty righteous facet especially in conservative countries.
I’m allowed to live and sort this out. It’s like a school in and of itself. When you master coping with the illness you graduate.
I’m beginning to let go of it. My psychosis was persecutory and had me out up against the world. I’ve even learned to lie to myself. Totally believe in things that aren’t true. Kind of a double edged sword but it’s totally under my control. It helps to subdue the controversy of certain situations, and find comfort when faced with thought broadcasting delusions.
Like when I’m hanging out with my brother and he does drug x or y. Then a few hours later I’m hanging out with my mom and she asks about how he’s doing. For a while there my mind would be spinning behind the ■■■■■■■■ I was telling her. Now I just willfully forget that I watched him consume that stuff and totally believe the ■■■■■■■■ myself, in most cases it’s not totally inaccurate just the drug use is left out.
It’s just becoming fun to play around in my head again. I don’t deal with dangerous concepts like the illuminati or aliens. But practical stuff like trying to envision light waveforms and how light travels linearly while also diffusing g and what that indicates about the nature of the photon and how energy is interchanged within this framework of photons. And boom my mind is like what the ■■■■, this place is mesmerizing. It still doesn’t make any sense but I’ve seen what all the textbooks and Internet says.
I’m going to go on a tangent for a second. Apparently the frequency of a light ray indicates how many packets of photons are perched in even distribution along the length of the Ray which extends at the speed of light until colliding with an object. When that contact is made the the photons flow at light speed from the source to the object. Damn I’m rusty this raises a lot of questions.
I’m pretty sure that last paragraph is totally unfounded. But that’s the kind of ■■■■ I find myself thinking about now. I’m going to see if I can’t find a good reference to answer my question.
Speaking of light. There is light at the end of the tunnel. People who have experienced their first break need to know this most. ■■■■ the terrible prognosis that comes with this illness. I like to believe that the sky is the limit on recovery and management depending on how far your willing to investigate it.
Nueroplasticity is your friend. You might think you’ll lose prt of your humanity in acknowledging that we are just machines, but I’ll tell you know that you won’t.
Peoples sense of reality varies from person to person. You’ve got to sacrifice what is comfortable and how to negate what your illness might tell you and find what works. In lieu of that, I’ll tell you there is no spirit world or telepathy. It is all a framework of hallucinations which is maintained by your internal subconscious automatic beliefs and perception of the world.
Most of all relax and try to make the best of each moment. We’re all in this together.
Don’t do drugs!