Yeah being mindful and grounded seems to elude me most of the time, but when I capture the moment, even if ever so briefly, I am filled with absolute bliss, and it makes living worth the suffering. It sucks not knowing if my delusions are just that, or if maybe I know something others won’t admit.
I love music though! Especially the music of the Universe: birds singing, bees humming, water gently caressing rocks… it’s gorgeous.
I also found this song today, I hope you enjoy it.
Yeah I’m not sure if I’m ready for medication, even though I know it helps. I’ve always hated medicine, maybe it’s PTSD from cherry flavored cough syrup I was force feed as a kid 
Do you think people can actually hear/see thoughts? Cause it sure as hell seems that way sometimes, but maybe that’s my mind playing tricks on me
I have pretty much done all the drugs lol. Except crack cause that’s wack. I seemed to have had a grip on my delusions and intrusive thoughts (I have had them on and off since I was very young), until I mixed shrooms, lsd and meth all at one sitting. That seemed to bring out a psychotic episode. I can honestly say I have made better decisions in my lifetime 
Thank notsure, I know that is probably the best idea. The only problem is I am a wildland firefighter, and I’m not sure if that shows up in medical records. Do you think it does? I know that it seems trivial, but this job means a lot to me, and I don’t want to mess that up just cause I am a little 
Alas, everything has an end, so I reckon I should figure my ■■■■ out before anything else. It’s kind of hard keeping a straight face when I feel a bit strange inside.
my intrusive thoughts horribly correlate with people reading my mind. they make up lies to intentionally hurt or upset who can hear me, I try to push them away, but literally I end up thinking the stupidest things , and very very slowly. so either way I look like an idiot.
I feel you.
Not sure how it works where you live, but here in Canada you start out by seeing a GP (General Practitioner) and they refer you to the appropriate specialist.
I used to be sure of it, but since I’ve been on a medication that works pretty well, I don’t think it makes sense for it to be true, but I haven’t been able to completely lose that feeling.
Yeah intrusive thoughts kinda blow. The harder I push, the harder they fight back. Most of the time they’re really disturbing, so I can’t even laugh it off. I’m sorry you are going through the same thing, hopefully we will find our bliss soon.
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Yeah it’s a tough one to shake, eh? I feel like being completely present and empty of thought would take all my worries away, but getting there seems like a journey even Gandalf would struggle at.
I hope things get better for you 
also, I like your southern lingo. where you from? if you don’t mind me asking 
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Thanks! 
I’m from central FL, reckon it’s pretty far down there. Whereabouts are you from?
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I live in the not so great Midwest. 
South Dakota here! I got family down in Florida 
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Haha I lived in South D for a little while! Over in Lead. It was bitter cold! 
Black Hills are pretty dope though! Kinda eerie too 
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I’ve lived here my whole life and have never been to the black hills. I was actually supposed to go there this weekend … I bailed out bc I just didn’t want to go.
but you’re right about it being cold!
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Aw man you gotta check it out! I think right now there’s all sorts of waterfalls to stand under. Some people say that fast, cold moving water washes away negativity. Honestly, I believe it! I’ve stood under some waterfalls and it seemed like everything just went right down the creek 
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I know coffee isn’t meth, but one time I mixed coffee and shrooms and had a REALLY bad reaction. I was already on meds…so it wasn’t As bad as it could have been but I checked myself into a sober house after. But stimulants and hallucinogens are a bad mix I think, especially for us with sz.
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I catch myself having delusions quite often. Feelings that people are plotting against me in some way, or that the government has some type of motive to make me insane. I feel like these may be abnormal traits, but who knows what goes on in the minds of others.
Dude it seems like coffee/caffeine makes my intrusive thoughts worse. My symptoms also seem to fluctuate with the amount of people I’m around and time of the day. Does this happen to you? I love psychedelics, and usually don’t go too off the wall on them, so we’ll see if I can keep dabbling.
It made my symptoms worse for a while but now that I’m pretty stable, doesn’t make my symptoms too bad unless I drink a lot which I make sure to never do.
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Hell, the first time I took LSD turned out wasn’t even my first experience with LSD, someone had a saying about this sort of thing I remember.
I was diagnosed Sza at 21 but had only really heard one voice if I’d have remembered, it was just this female voice that would call my name. Once told me a suspicious customer had a gun in her purse (said she was from the trailer park down the street but when asked about the bag of airline peanuts sticking out of her fur coat pocket…digressed)
I guess maybe I was at most nearing my mid 20’s when I remember telling my doc I was hearing garbled internal voices after phone conversations, like the conversation wouldn’t stop but would cease to be intelligable. I can remember hearing a horse come whinnying down my road at some point here and I asked my brother if he’d heard a horse and he looked at me all weird.
Can’t say it’s real, they’ll cast you into unusual beliefs, but they can’t put me in the state hosp. Tried maybe three times, not that I want to taunt them, got me in a bear trap. I can remember my first bear trap being described as such and being told you either cut you’re own leg off or die. Different kind of trap here, but all I can do is live on. I’d retreat and stop leaving my place if that were even possible.
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