It’s amazing to me that i can go for a minute long train of thought and not have one sane idea in there. Its like my mind just comes up with anything and throws it at the wall. Just the most irrational stuff. I am not sure i know how to be sane anymore. It feels like I am stuck in a car with a driver that is intent on going off a cliff. I keep looking for a way to explain what I’ve seen and all i keep doing is coming up with weird stories that try to explain reality but are completely illogical. Maybe I should stop trying to understand and embrace the mystery, but when i’m doing nothing my mind tries to make sense of things and I can’t stop it from doing so. This illness is exhausting. I hope when i start going to therapy in two weeks it will help, but I have to accept that I have an illness and give myself over to trust, which is hard for my ego to do.
One day at a time. Just try and hold it together for today - worry about tomorrow when it gets here. This is how I keep from self-destructing.
Therapy will help good luck with it
I don’t trust my therapist. She’ll be gone within a year. They all go from job to job and never give you time to trust them. I’ve had countless therapists and fooled myself and them I trusted them but I’ve awakened to the truth.
I’m reading the tao te ching right now and there is a good verse about not knowing:
“Not to know the things you ought to know is folly
To know there are things you cannot know is wisdom.”
I guess I have to know that there are things I can’t know.
it takes a while to trust therapist
take your time and and go slow
if they push tell them your not ready to trust them
its about you not them
good luck hope you get a good therapist
Maybe instead of looking for answers in books and religions, try activities that make u feel good.
I was also kinda like u, i jumped from one religion or philosophy to the next, your brain cant rest.
Yeah i guess. The more conflicting ideas i have the more confused i get. Still, I love to learn about spirituality. I try to do pleasurable things but it seems that they feel empty if there is no meaning behind it. I have found a sense of meaning from spirituality. At least it is something to do that I enjoy and it keeps me occupied throughout the day
I thing the Tao te Ching was a great resource for rulers on how to rule over their land. The last few chapters are all about kings and how to rule more specifically. The whole book was intended for that purpose. But then rebels and old people in China really caught onto the philosophy. And it turned into a spiritual philosophy. Not a religion. There’s nothing about god or anything grandiose in it. It’s the opposite. Gets you in touch with what’s real. Not saying all the answers lie in books. But I listened to Wayne dyer reciting the Tao te Ching at work the other day. Was so peaceful and relaxing 
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