Why do people have to be glib with me. That's a word not used enough

DX'd - Sz/SzA
22

Hey @Joker, kinda in the same boat as you— however, less direct with my disdain for the medical community’s treatment and handling of my situation.

Been harboring a lot of anger and resentment towards medical professionals as of late— a lot of which stems from previous judgmental comments made by my GP, lack of follow-through with pdocs, as well as the realization that we are pretty much on our own in terms of receiving quality care due to the nature of this illness (unless you have amazing insurance or beaucoup bucks— of which I have neither).

The frustration only builds, and I too am extremely agitated since going off my meds cold turkey a few months ago, for reasons that I sometimes don’t even understand.

Wary of doctors and providers is an understatement, as I feel discriminated against because of my diagnosis and my Government-subsidized insurance (basically, I am deemed both “crazy” and “poor”).

I have a routine physical coming up in November with the same GP (not allowed to switch, for some reason), only this time I am bringing my mom in the hopes that she might better advocate for me, and also assess the way said GP speaks to me (because I may or may not be taking things the wrong way due to SZ— although I stand by my assertion that she is basically a haughty cuunt, if we’re being honest).

Would it be possible to bring your mom along or include her in your dealings with medical professionals?

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23

Benefits are expensive.

The private sector doesn’t regard this as their problem. They figure we make great Walmart greeters.

If you want to see real ageism, work in IT. You’ll discover true scorn when the white hairs start growing in. I would only ever work in IT again if it was a government position. Those are forever jobs as you have said. However, even being a French speaker won’t save me here now (necessary for the federal service) as they only hire women and minorities these days.

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24

She does do a lot of it, but not so much the day to day of dealing with the case workers

It just gets super frustrating

Seems like a few of us have similar issues on some aspects of this topic

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25

yeah I think i have some kind of label on my file too. take your pick but it is all officially not true (am i being niave?) and before i was 18. i don’t know it’s just that the mental health center has given me real bad vibes the past year and a half.

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26

Ah, okay. Well it’s a great thing that she’s at least in your corner for some parts of your treatment. I am hoping my mom will be able to advocate on my behalf and paint a more well-rounded picture for medical health professionals in the near-future. And if there is stigmatization, then at least I’ll know I’m not just overreacting and we can proceed from there.

Yyyyyep. I hear ya.

There’s that old saying, “you catch more flies with honey than vinegar,” and I do believe that’s not a bad way of going about things out there in the world.

Best of luck to you :+1:.

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27

Something my one friend like to say is that no individual can be blamed for a systemic problem. For example (speaking about the US here):

MH workers have spent the past several decades dealing with declining wages and increased caseloads. Vacation time gets routinely denied. There is a provision in labor laws that allows employers to force healthcare workers to work through breaks, and take mandatory overtime shifts. Covid amplified this by a thousand percent. In addition, many have been verbally, physically, or sexually assaulted by clients, and when they try to report, are told to stop whining about their job. If they try to press criminal charges, they are told they will be fired for endangering patient safety/trust. If they seek their own therapy, they risk losing their license because you need to be considered mentally healthy to work as a MH professional. If they lose their job, they might get approved for disability, which only pays 66% of their base salary (not factoring in that mandatory overtime). They might get denied for disability, and told they just need to change careers. No training is provided for someone who needs to change careers due to a disabling condition. If someone is fired, they can be replaced by a new graduate for less pay.

On the flip side you have patients who are paying thousands of dollars a month for an insurance plan that still requires them to pay $50-150 per appointment. These patients desperately need care, and are paying high prices for a service. They expect to get a quality service for that price. They need this service to stay alive, maintain jobs, raise their kids, have any quality of life. Waiting for an opening can take months, and the provider might not be a good fit and the patient might be stuck with them because that is the only person their plan covers. It is literally life-or-death in many cases, and being denied quality care can trigger a fight-or-flight response.

In these situations, nobody can thrive. MH workers need to be given working conditions that allow them to stay mentally healthy, so they can treat their patients more compassionately. Patients need to be given easier access to treatment without having to wait months or pay through the nose. Easy access to providers won’t happen until workers are in an environment that doesn’t cause burn-out. Patients won’t treat workers better until they can ease their fight-or-flight response, which they need a MH worker to teach them.

This doesn’t mean you have zero choices. You can choose not to make things worse by screaming at people. But it is a much bigger problem than “Some pdocs just dont care”

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28

I am very careful to treat all health professionals as well as I can. I have learned that people only have so much energy and they are loathe to waste it on others they dislike. Problem patients will get only the bare minimum that has to be given and nothing more. Not even that in many cases. Sometimes it is not the patient’s fault that they are disruptive, but that doesn’t matter - burnout is burnout. Caregivers will gravitate towards serving those patients who don’t contribute to it. I count on this and tailor my own behaviour accordingly to increase my access to health care professionals - I’m taking the time they refuse to spend on their problem patients. I have zero guilt.

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29

With figuring this stuff out, my move has been isolation in terms of friendships and other social elements that most humans do/enjoy - linking back to risk reduction of being exploited.

Maybe I just need to isolate myself from the healthcare team once my medication is sorted out?

I have already told them that they don’t bring the best out in me, as this problem is just getting worse not better - so I asked if we can reset ourselves and build a care plan with clearly marked expectations on mine and their side

Stupid thing is when I am stable, things are better and I just sit on the books just in case.

But, recently this has not been the case as it has in the past on occasion - where my frustration of broken promises and lack of follow through just pisses me off

I remember all the things they talk about and say they will do, but it seems to go into a void.

There is just not enough people there, and the basics that they did get right before Covid-19 are just not being serviced well in my area anymore

Comparing pre-covid levels of support with post-covid is night and day

Because I knew what the process was before, and what it is today, I can see the dilution in care that many perhaps older than me (35) may have seen previous to this - although Covid was an exceptional circumstance

Maybe this example of my experience with University might be relevant. I was there in 2010, and I was paying a flat fee of c£3,000 per year. This was the last year students got guaranteed that rate before it went up to c£9200 per year (Quite the increase!). The burden was being moved from taxpayers onto the student. In that very year, the History department made around half the department redundant, and cut the courses back - whilst also reducing the contact time per week from 10 hours to 6. So I saw people coming in paying more for less. Far less. It was calculated and callous - it used to be completely free in England (Still is in Scotland)

This situation seems to say it all in how things are being operated in the UK, and that includes our healthcare system too. We’re paying more for less.

Sorry, ranting.

30

no. The stupid thing is that when you are stable, the first thing you do is go cold turkey on your meds because you decide you don’t need them anymore, and if any MH professional even hints that you are making a mistake you jump right to screaming at them.

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31

I don’t say it to try to be harsh. I say it because you seem to be getting the opposite message from the one I am trying to send. You need care. You need to lower your standards for the quality of care until such time as systemic changes allow for increased quality.

32

So try and make this bit work?

33

It would be good. In the past, I recall the issue being that they told you they couldn’t agree to the expectations you had as your bare minimum. And it sucks to tell someone that the bare minimum is unrealistic, but that’s just the situation right now. It is unfair. And you are right to be frustrated. Your anger is targeted to the wrong source.

And, speaking as a former MH worker, you are going to have to fight upstream to get providers to believe you will treat them with respect. You have a decades-long history that includes death threats over forgotten phone calls. That one is on you.

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34

I don’t know how the NHS works, but would it be possible to be transferred to a brand new team and only have basic records transferred? Just lists of disgnoses, and current and former medications?

35

You get the team in your area, and there is no choice. Records cannot be erased even under the onerous GDPR (Data protection) that the UK has from being in the EU - and agrees with.

Health records are permanent as far as I know.

A new team would be available if I moved home to another county or town/city

This has not been a nice thing to acknowledge, but you’re right

I am not using it as an excuse, as there is no excuse for it. But I was raised in a pretty violent environment and some of my base behaviour may well be rooted in the early development stages

Think I need to look into that to see if it’s a possibly and how I can alter this with any sort of psychological intervention I can do myself.

There must be a proactive thing I can do, and there must be a root cause for this behaviour that makes me sick to admit is true of me.

My personality is dog ■■■■ if I treat people like that :frowning:

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36

Yeah man, same. That is such a hard part of trauma recovery. I worked so hard to stop blaming myself for every tiny thing, and then realized that my abusers were also traumatized kids who worked hard to stop blaming themselves for every little thing, but they took it from “Not everything is my fault” all the way to “nothing is my fault” and used that justification to harm me. I have to keep a balance in order to not become the person I hate.

And idk what there is to do. CBT helps me a lot with the strictly behavioral side. Some days it feels like I am putting on my “nice person” disguise. Some days I overshoot and act like a doormat. Some days I undershoot and act like a raging ■■■■■■■.

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37

One thing I will say for you. After your initial reactions, you are generally quick to reflect and take accountability. SO the process might be less about learning how to hold yourself accountable, and more about learning how to recognize the warning signs before you get to blind anger mode and then step back.

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38

Thanks for your input @Ninjastar - you have given me a lot to think about

I am going to reflect and see how I can handle triggers for this behaviour, as I don’t like it

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39

Since you have the autism diagnosis, something that could help is doing sensory activities, and keeping a journal of times when people piss you off and what was happening then. I have trouble recognizing my own emotional state, and in the beginning i had this worksheet i filled out three times a day. It helped me label and recognize emotions. Also helped me realize that i mostly get upset if i haven’t eaten, if there are fluorescent lights nearby, or if hvac systems are running.

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40

Damn. And I thought I could cut straight to the chase. She’s right, but… She’s called NINJA for a reason.

[ bows down and offers selection of best ankles to the apex predator ]

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41

No - MH professionals deal with crisis - their job is to help you out of crisis - help you along in this process of “recovery” - re-integrate you back into society as much that is possible. This is what my case worker (now my therapist) told me is his goal for me.