ive lowered my Zyprexa alone and the result is that ive started to express my anger yeah… and its not nice. its a deterioration, its my illness. the problem is that on my prescribed dosage I still have it but I dont express it… I find the life unfair. unfair that my sz friends succeed to work or to sit in a coffee with friends… are there here some ill people who live like ermits like me? what the ■■■■… I said today to my mother that my friend is a ■■■■… I said her also that I dont remember my father hugging me or kissing me… plus, he never talked with me… my mother says that its ‘‘nature’’ and not nurture… she said that this was the illness of my father and she regrets getting married to him… I am a psychopathe, I would like normal feelings instead of this anger. yeah… and yes, maybe there is people for whom meds dont work and they just curse outside and everybody runs away from them… maybe I am this case too
Expressing anger can be a good thing, but it must be hard to have so much. I know you’ve been having a hard time with your medication. I hope it is not a dangerous thing that you’ve lowered your dose. Maybe you need to discuss that with your doctor.
It’s also easy to fall into regret with this disease. All of us have genes that have caused us misery. Maybe it would help if you made a list of the good things you’ve gotten from your father so it is not an anger that burns you up. You are entitled to feel angry, but try not to let it make you suffer.
Meds tend to numb our feelings. So when we lower our doses or go off of them completely, we can then feel emotions that were buried and start to express them.
I’m starting to piece together what bits of my childhood were from my condition, and yeah I was really angry at one time, and also lived as a hermit. I did somehow find work after a year of not looking for it, but all my emotions were gone and I wouldn’t take part in team events or appear in team photos. I used to punch things a lot; usually mirrors. My hermit stage lasted 20 years and ended about a month ago, and I wouldn’t really recommend it to anyone. I’m reluctant to run around offering advice when I’m still figuring things out for myself, but I want you to know that it can improve when if you are willing to fight for it.
Anger is confusing. I didn’t realize I had angry feelings and it made me say and do a lot of things I regret because you’re not supposed to get angry. I’ve always been passive but I’ve become so passive as an adult now that I just endure it instead of venting like other people.
Did your doctor ask you to lower your dose? Are you trying the sertindole soon then?
@Ninjastar, I have my visit today with my pdoc. I guess she will put on me on serdolect yes 
otherwise, one friend of mine says that I poison myself with all these meds. she thinks that I need more a psychological help but she cant understand me I think. she cant understand the paranoia. she says that my mother is weak cause she stopped believing in my recovery… yeah, people say what they want in fact…
The anger can make a real mess of tings cant control the anger till I EXSPLODE then I awake sore dizzy with a big as mess what did I destroy now lol I need more meds
I have no vent when the anger takes over I always awake crying of what I did now
What could you’ve done so wrong that makes you cry when you wake up?
Anger is a monster that lerks in all of us, I say any anger is bad cause the madness jumps in then you awake confused at all the distrucktion the anger did
This lousy illness destroyed my life. Stopped my dreams and ruined everything I could have been. The medication is almost as debilitating as the psychosis
@MeghillaGorilla1, me I am sick since child so its even worse. I never had dreams. I had terrible childhood cause my father was beating my mom and my sister. they continue to scream at me that ill never recover… so I guess that I understand you. I know, those are ruined lifes but we should hopefor a better living.
do you have anger in your illness? me yes… and jealousy too…its pathological here but at least I dont lose my mind, never…
Yea I’m angry and jellous. It’s invisible the illness and doesn’t make any sense. In so close to being normal but yet so far 
yeap I guess its not nice for my friends to be my friends. cause often, I dont miss to tell them that they are jerks wow… I try not to do it anymore but I am ill since so long plus with my age it doesn’t get better. only meds are helping and ill try to be saner wow i am also in acceptance of my illness, I was in a schock after my diagnosis. plus, what a life I had wow… always on the edge, so much craziness, I made the fun for a lot of people. I also realise real life is not so fun, I guess I have the manic part in my illness, maybe you had your ‘‘great’’ moments too @MeghillaGorilla1, isn’t it? I made so many stupid and crazy things in my life…
kisses to you, lets try to live better, its possible I guess but yeah, it means efforts too…