For me is bitter,I’ll explain.
When I look at my photographs,I see happy child with blond hair.I almost feel it was dream to be happy.I’ve got this one photograph in black and white,framed to help me in despair.
But since I remember my self (from year of four),I can’t recall happiness.
It’s just first impression of my later life.Sometimes I feel I never was loved after by anyone.
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I’m sorry, that’s sad. You seem lovable to me. You deserved to be loved and if you weren’t it wasn’t your fault. If you weren’t loved it was because the big people in your life didn’t know how to love. And that’s sad too for them as well. I felt unloved until I met my ex-husband, then I really felt loved for the first time in my life. Maybe someday you’ll meet someone who will get through to you.
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I seem lovable to me too 
.It’s just I want to hear people who would explain their childhood,as it was for them.Thanks @Leaf
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My childhood was mixed, there was good and bad times. There was terrible abuse. And there was wonderful times with the family. So bittersweet.
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My parents did not know how to be parents, plus they never knew how to deal with me. As a result I got punished a lot, often for things I had no control over. I was excluded from most family matters, but would find out sooner or later and felt badly over it.
The punishment were brutal and over the top, so I learned to hate my parents and at 18 left home and never went back
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Thanks,just was thinking what to say…My parents got married because I was conceived.I don’t think that was good idea for all three of us…
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Sweet.
I had an idealistic childhood that my parents worked hard to provide.
I’m very grateful to them and recognize that I’m extremely lucky.
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I did a lot of fun stuff as a kid. I was happy I guess. Ithink I started becoming unhappy once I got to high school. I skipped 8th grade and went from 7th grade to 9th grade. I was a year younger than my classmates and it really made a difference. I was already shy and not that great looking and so I could forget about getting a girlfriend or even talking to girls for four years. in four years a few girls liked me so I guess that’s something. But I just had no skills at making friends so the first few months I was by myself. Anyways, I had a couple friends outside of school and we did various things. We rode our bikes, and played football and baseball. The girls on our street would come out and we all hung out. We went fishing, just did a bunch of fun kid stuff. They sometimes ganged up on me which I can’t forgive and the abuse got bad but it blew over and we were still friends.
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My parents treat me better now than when I was a child. My mom can’t handle or tolerate kids, so I was the victim of years of trauma. My parents are immigrants and that played a major role in how we communicated or lack thereof. I was taught to take a beating and deal with it by keeping it to myself and so I had no one to turn to. Because we never spoke up people loved and still love my parents because they were good to others, but my mom was extremely cruel towards me and my father was an alcoholic. My father still drinks but not to the point of becoming drunk. It took years of therapy to let go of those images of seeing my father passed out drunk on the porch every night. I love my parents for being mature and owning their mistakes and apologizing. We now have a wonderful relationship.
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I’m sorry @Cici2
I thought about this subject,I think for as long I was in despair.Just wanted to know if I’m alone in this,but all of you were sincere.
Not being afraid of talking about abuse,which I’m not gonna do is important.
How ever,my brother was planed child.He turned different.
But talking about childhood is very hard,since we all went through something that triggered our illness.Psychiatrist nowadays don’t have a time for that.
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Being born outside of marriage isn’t something bad. I knew people who their parents gave them to orphanages when they were born, people who their drunk parents beat them all day (They hide in our house crying when that happens) yet many became very successful like doctors, engineers and rich business mens, one his house is worth over a million and is way richer than me and my parents. Point is genetics is random and more important, refuge is always there except in war like in my country Syria.
Edit: Of course I am not in my country anymore because of war, I am a happy Canadian now.
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Thing that triggered me to turn for forum,is that I still experience my self as victim of evil around me,and I can’t cope because I was never taught how to deal with the world.I was protected,and then abused by same people I knew.Had nowhere and no one to turn to.
Back on the subject, my childhood and adolescence was mostly positive and normal. Before my schizophrenia at 22 y.o, it wasn’t perfect but I had what most people had, a decent job in physiotherapy, just had my physio major university degree, had a girlfriend who had a house for us two to live in, had tons of friends , was training everyday and shower everyday, I was extremely healthy with no diseases.
Now, I can’t do anything other than eat, watch Netflix, sleep and shower once every week. I gained 150lb in a couple of years and I developed hypertension, high cholesterol, became obese and started developing diabetis. I can’t work or go outside since I am 22 y.o. The only thing keeping me alive are my good parents and I hope that they can continue supporting me because I am unable to work. I left all my friends since my diagnosis, some left me because they saw me during psychosis. My gf left me because of my symptoms and because I wasn’t able to work to pay the house.
My psychiatrist said it could have been worse because I became slightly catatonic and aggressive with my parents at the beginning but with treatment only my mind freezes from time to time for a couple of seconds. Without treatment, I would have ended in the streets or in prison. This disease is the devil’s disease.
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It was great. I wish I could go back and experience it again. My mama did such a good job of loving and taking care of me and sister. She still does a great job of taking care of her grandchildren. It dawned on me the other day that I should thank her for doing such i great job of taking care of all of us. I intend to do it sometime in the future. Maybe in a mother’s day card.
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Yes,you sound very healthy in that way.
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Thanks Zoa. 7899986
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It was both, had fun at times, but it was good
My childhood was definitely bitter. Filled with sexual, physical and emotional abuse.
Sorry @SkinnyMe So sad it later affected our lives in growing humans.If you ever need to talk I’m here.
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I have a bitter taste when i think of my childhood. That’s all I have to say.
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