When you relapse, how long does it last?

I know just a few days ago I was posting a lot on here. I thought I was onto kicking the final pillars out from under my illness. Well I got careless and drank a redbull, then the next day drank a couple monster rehabs(they were 2 for 3$). This was on top of my typical coffee consumption.

I started taking ambien before sleep. That was another change, I like how it calmed everything down(thoughts and voices). So I was had both stimulants and sleep aids in my system. I was doing fine, then sunday night rolls around. It was humid as hell, couldnā€™t find anyone to hang out with for a few hours, was left processing a lot of subtle things that eventually started to upset me, and of course the schizophrenia was there the whole time. Tried going to a party, left shortly after. Eventually went back to that same party to pick up some friends. I was just brooding over anything I could brood about. Friends wreaked of alcohol, they wanted to go to taco bell, a bunch of minor ā– ā– ā– ā– .

Woke up at what would be yesterday(Monday) morning after a few hours sleep due to some intensely weird dreams. Actually woke up to sleep paralysis and continued dreaming, a man in a black trench coat leaning into my room, a translucent woman sitting next to me on the edge of the bed leaning over and pulling this translucent string of sorts out of my heart. Woke up from that to total relapse.

I was back to normal by the end of the day. Which leads me to askā€¦ Do any of you have these mini relapses and how long to the typically last for you?

I hate them because I become very callous and write people off in an almost emotionally abusive way. It makes me feel very unstable in the long run, that regardless of the situation Iā€™ll probably end up losing my ā– ā– ā– ā–  every once in a while.

Iā€™m not suicidal or violent ever, but Iā€™ll lash verbally out at the people who care most, like my mom. Typically its more me just not listening and then cutting conversations short by walking away and stuff.

I need two things to get my life where I want to be. A job and a gf. I feel this kind of emotional instability disqualifies me from being able to manage either of those things. When Iā€™m in that state that is what hurts the most.

A lot of stability can be found from managing oneā€™s expectations and learning to be patient. That crash was probably building up slowly over the last couple weeks. Managing expectations is probably the biggest lesson aside from avoiding caffeine.

Iā€™m done trying to keep up with my brother and his friends, Iā€™m done going to random parties, Iā€™m done putting vested interest in any specific girl(Iā€™ve known I shouldnā€™t do that for a long time, but the dreamer in me wakes up.)

This is lengthier than intended but Iā€™ll add one more thing. It is incredibly difficult to stay on the right path and be ahead of this illness, that goes for life in general as well.

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I have mini relapses - a 24 hour one usually
or more rarely a 3 dayā€¦

happens a couple of times a year, iā€™m really lucky that some of the delusions are positive and funā€¦ get these especially with good stress like if iā€™m on holiday.

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I drink energy drinks and coffee in the morning/lunch only. Not after 3 PM. If I drink it too late I donā€™t sleep and then everything goes nuts. I stop sleeping completely and get psychotic. Sleep is my key to function. Iā€™m very careful with sleepless nights.

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Forgot the question. :confused:

It lasts a week or so before Iā€™m back on track.

Iā€™m pretty sure ambien is known to cause night terrors. I could be wrong

Yeah that is the largest key for me too. Itā€™s important that the sleep is consistent. If I sleep for say 12 hours three days in a row, on that 4th day I canā€™t sleep a wink. I donā€™t like those seemingly endless hours laying in bed having the voices torment me, I usually end up getting up and doing something else which also messes with the sleep schedule. Iā€™m thinking that once I start exercising Iā€™ll be a lot more tired come bed time. In this 90+ degree weather and high humidity its tough to imagine actually getting out there.

Still every day I get farther down the road of unraveling my trauma and concern over the illness. If I can think more normally I believe the voices will naturally back off. Iā€™ve seem them transform over time, but there are still a few key things that they wonā€™t let go of, no matter how far away from the topics my mind gets.

Itā€™s odd, my conscious mind is like a chamber of horrors, right before I think itā€™s like I look back into this hive of potential thoughts and can already feel the guilt/disappointment before the thought develops. Iā€™m getting better at stopping bad thoughts before they happen, which with my particular delusions is a very handy strategy. Digressionary as that may be I thought Iā€™d share.

I wouldnā€™t be surprised. I was taking melatonin until I heard that over time it reduces your brainā€™s ability to maintain/produce its own melatonin. Still tough to get to sleep and as I said before I hate just laying there with voices. I barely think any more beyond what I have to, the voices just feed me a bunch of ā– ā– ā– ā–  that I donā€™t care about. Sometimes I can shut them out and not pay attention. I dream of having the voices fade so I can sit for extended periods of time without having any thoughts, or reading anything, or hearing anyone talk, just want to escape language entirely for a while. I think that kind of state would be as good for the brain as sleeping is. It might allow me to lose track of all the ideological ā– ā– ā– ā–  that weā€™re told we want to have.

Yeah voices at night are a pain.
I donā€™t get voices right now but when I try to sleep I get a barrage of rapid fire images of random ā– ā– ā– ā–  or flashing lights or zooming through tunnels in space. Super annoying when Iā€™m trying to go to sleep.

My psychosis usually responds pretty quickly to meds these days.
My mania is much the same
My depression is anther story mostly as Iā€™m dealing with a protracted grief cycle. Which in turn triggers the first two if I donā€™t keep an eye on it.

Very much after psychosis the thoughts are still constant and irrational even on meds. Often triggering the psychosis again and again. Deal with the thoughts you limit the psychosis.

Not sure if this what you want hear by your constant not going to go there attitude. But see a therapist is all the advice I have got for you.

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^ ā€œdeal with the thoughts you limit the psychosisā€ thatā€™s true if you can rationalise it and use logic on it

Yeah, I need to see a therapist more than I do a psychiatrist. My mom made the point that I suppress everything. She saw my anger yesterday and told me that I am probably actually very sad. She said I should spell out what makes me sad and try to cry it out. I had no luck at that as it was too complicated. I do think a therapist might be able to wake up my emotional side a bit and help me find some clarity.

@anon31257746 I hate the random fire images. If I look at porn any more, there is an extended period of time where if I close my eyes its like a slideshow of naked bodies.

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I still stand by the trying not to think so hard approach. Psychotic thoughts are hard to kill, Iā€™m only now getting away from them, but its getting easier. Sometimes you have to forget the context that makes you think the thought in order to learn how to avoid it. Canā€™t just avoid everything all the time though, controlled exposure is good therapy for reducing impulses.

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Same here, it is the only mildly psychotic symptom I still have. These images have been quite intense which makes it hard to ā€˜let goā€™ and drift to sleep. Nowadays when I get them I am able to distance myself a bit from them and see the images actually as a sign that im about to fall asleep, I almost take comfort in them.

@SoitGoes, nowadays Iā€™m stable on meds and during the daytime not psychotic at all. But when I was, minirelapses would consist of somewhat giving into the delusion that was always lurking and the voices trying to seduce me into it. I considered it a mini-relapse if I didnt resist them and started to respond to and argue with the voices again. But hey, you will have good days and bad days in recovering from this. Donā€™t let the bad ones get you down. Putting things in perspective can help some. That is to say, donā€™t compare this single day with that good one a few days ago, rather, compare this few feeks with those few weeks a couple of months ago. There will be a few bumps in the road but donā€™t let them distract you from where itā€™s heading to.

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Man you cant think your way out of schiz.

Also there is not going to be a single moment when schiz is beaten ,it takes along time , incremental steps , and on top of this people still need meds.

so prepare yourself for the long road.

Less thinking and more doing.

Iā€™ve heard that before. My response was that Iā€™m not trying to think my way outā€¦ Iā€™m trying to ā€˜not thinkā€™ my way out.

I know itā€™ll take a lot of time and be up and down and all that.

I get what youā€™re saying though, youā€™re trying to help me be realistic and I appreciate that. Still I have time to try what I can.

There is an interrelation between thoughts and hallucinations to a degree. If I didnā€™t step in and shut the thoughts down the system would have perpetuated and Iā€™d be forced to endure it. I can at least have peace of mind knowing Iā€™m developing a resistance to the thoughts that feed my psychosis.

Realistically though you are probably right.

it doesnā€™t mean that you cant use your mind (thought) to make a difference. But its much better if you can use it for some kindof social reason. like doing an exam for a grade , or joining a club to meet people , or getting a grade to do something else. Or getting fit to stay healthy , or reading a paper to get news. Just be a bit more outward facing and less introspective. my advice for what its worth.

Yeah I should probably get plugged into the real world a bit more. Not let life pass me by. Itā€™s difficult to be around people still unless it is a certain culture. Iā€™ve proven to myself that I can socialize like I used to before getting sick, even with that hallucinations all the time. My mind is starting to fall onto thoughts of exercising or going to school or finding a job.

I was dead set on trying to find a girl friend for a while there, but that didnā€™t really pan out. Got to let go of that for now, its too stressful and only makes the isolation worse.

I had kind of lost track of the philosophy that you have to be fullest person you can be on your own if you want to live well. Setting myself up to be dependent or obsessive/possessive isnā€™t a good thing.

Like I said earlier though, itā€™s very easy for me to lose sight of my general life strategies. Itā€™s been a very reflective day though Iā€™ve gotten most of it back, will only lose sight of it again Iā€™m sure.

Iā€™m just trying to relax and keep my head clear, hoping that the longer I do that the more it might stick and less whimsical it will be in front of triggers. Not necessarily introspective.

Youā€™re a very wise/smart person to me Meteor. Thanks for presenting the hard truth.

when people start calling you wise , its time to retire .sh1tā€¦

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Says the wiseman.

f@ck , I need to start using a few expletivesā€¦