I’m getting scared. I don’t know how much worse things could be but I’d hate if I got a new set of symptoms. I find myself believing in telepathy again and I know that’s dangerous. I had my first psychotic break last time. I’m on meds but I feel different I’ve gotten over a lot of negative tendencies psychologically speaking. I’m supposed to get better from here being more stable and naturalized by the telepathy. That is after being broken down and reduced to nothing. Hope all this ■■■■ blows over and they leave me alone. Voices are coming back hard.
I get “relapse” when I reduce my meds, or when I become tolerant of it.
I’ve never heard voices but I’ve been SEVERELY psychotic before. In fact it lasted 2 years. I got diagnosed in 1980 when I was 19. After making the rounds of hospitals until 1982, I got better and I thought I would never be hospitalized again. I was on my medication but in 1988 despite taking my medication as prescribed I relapsed. That meant 5 or 6 more hospitalizations and EXTREME misery for about another year. But I was also addicted to crack which might have played a role in my relapses. But I have not been hospitalized since 1990. I vaguely know that’s it’s possible I may need to be hospitalized again but I sure don’t dwell on it. Because there’s a good chance that I will never be hospitalized again.
Have you done anything different lately? Stress?
Smoked weed? Drank alcohol? Lack of sleep? Could exasperate symptoms.
I’ve even found reading too much information whether from books or Google or youtube videos in a short period of time overwhelms me and I get symptoms
BryanAshley, maybe you should call your pdoc and tell him/her what is happening in your mind. maybe the pdoc can help you turn things around for yourself so the symptoms recede instead of the opposite.
we care here but almost nothing replaces the pdoc when you’re having a hard time. I hope for the best for you and relief very soon.
I had delusions of telepathy as well, what eventually worked for me was the following.
At some point I asked myself not whether it could be ‘true’, but whether I would want it to be true. Since I’m aiming to do a phd the world I want to belong to is a world where there is no place for telepathy. Science hasn’t confirmed anything more over some highly disputable weak correlations with people guessing numers or colors, but nothing like conversation or actual transfer of information. I would have my voices suggesting some sort of conspiracy that science is not ready for telepathy. But if that would be so, then I don’t want to be ready for telepathy either, since that is the world I want to belong to. Believing in telepathy wouldn’t do my aspirations in academia much good and once I established this conviction, together with the fact that the voices as halluciantions is just as credible an interpretation, it became easier for me not to fall for the telepathy delusion. The voices would become less powerful as well.
You can interpret your symptoms as you want to, interpretation is a matter of choice. You can have different motives for chosing one interpretation over the other, but it is up to you yourself. Ask yourself what good a particular interpretation of these phenomena would do to you. Ask yourself what community of people you will belong to when choosing for a particular interpretation, and then what community you want to belong to by sharing beliefs. I identified a need to feel special as my motive to be susceptible to the telepathic delusion, for I was suggested to be a ‘chosen’ one to have these ‘powers’. I eventually decided I would rather be a schizophrenic who reasoned himself out of his delusions and be special in that way. For such people, there is actually a place of recognition in the scientific community I want to belong to. Recognition of people you respect and care about is a powerful drive. Some people argue that you have a disease but that you are not your disease. It helped for me to firmly convince myself of the opposite. To identify myself as a schizophrenic was helpful to resist the voices and telepathic delusions. Paranoia was more difficult to deal with in this way.
To be sure, this was not an easy thing to do and the process might be characterized as an existential crisis. It took me several weaks that included relapses into the delusion. In the end it was a cathartic experience though and I now have a firmer sense of my goals in life and the people I want to be part of it than beforehand.
I’m currently in trying to lower the stages of my psychosis (not knowing what is real). It’s quite difficult for me because I feel it is all real just like you. It’s been a seven year torture session so far, and I don’t think it’ll be an easy year for my gf and I. We’re going to try our hardest though to get things right for each other.
Thinking it’s real just sets the stage for some crazy delusions. I must say this is frankly some ■■■■■■■■. It feels so ■■■■■■■ real. It makes them all seem perfect and makes me the outcast. I want it to be their fault. I’m doing better today then I was last night.
my voices keep on trying to convince me i’m telepathic but it’s not working at all…i just don’t believe in them nor do i trust them. they sem to have no morals or scruples about their behaviour at all which isn’t surprising seeing as how they were put in. but no i do not believe they are real…so it’s all cool. irritating but cool. don’t believe in it, lads. it’s just splinters of your own mind, turned against you. that’s all it is. maybe try some electro convulsive therapy if you want them to stop. it worked for james (surprisedj). personally i’m going the medication route, trying each one in turn to eliminate them. don’t fancy e.c.t as yet…gives you a blinding headache, plus it’s not available in my area, so would have to go private and i don’t have the money for that
It just never stops.