I’m so tired of the term grandiose. I spent most of my childhood feeling as if I was the most inferior person alive. So what if I think I’m some God or priestest? So what if I think that I have special DNA? So what if I think I might be part alien or that I use more of my brain?
Maybe its just my way of not feeling like a total piece of crap. Maybe its my way of dealing with the suicidal ideas I had as a child. Wouldn’t the world be better if we all thought we were special? I don’t expect special treatment when I think these things. I just feel a bit of piece.
I’m mad at the world for trying to make me feel less special. Can’t we all be special? Can’t we all have special DNA? Can’t we all be connected to some greater force that makes us feel like God’s or at least a part of God?
I am stable, according to the “standards” of the world. I have a job, a husband, a child. I take care of all my “daytime” needs. Not believing in these “grandiose” thoughts makes me unstable. Suicidal. It tells me that all the pain, the starvation, the humiliation I experienced was for nothing and it leads to nothing.
I don’t see a God-belief as being particularly grandiose. But thinking that you are a messianic figure who has a secret destiny to save the earth or whatnot is pretty out there. Just an example.
Congrats on having a job and husband and child though, that’s a lot!
When I was a child, my family was considered the worst apprehension case in the history of where I was. We didn’t eat for days, which caused me seizures. Before I developed schizophrenia I felt such anxiety never knowing where to take my next step. Now, I can move on with my life and feel peace. Peace because of schizophrenia. That’s the truth, I like having schizophrenia. Whenever I feel down I have friends to talk to, even though I don’t have a mother or father.
There is nothing wrong with feeling that you’re unique and individual. We are all our own people, with our own unique humours, jobs, ethics, morals, etc. However, when you say grandiose, it is almost suggesting that you feel superior to everyone else. Now i’m not saying that you shouldn’t be happy with yourself, especially seeing as you’ve had such a rough start to life. But i think you can still feel good about yourself as an individual and unique person, without the need of being grandiose. I hope that makes sense.
@MikaMoon hang in there sweetie. I’m writing a book that is all about the grandiose idea that these voices are external for SOME schizophrenics and I just happen to be one of them who can hear.