So my current situation, as some may be aware, is that I am now entirely off meds (used to be on an AP, AD, and Trazodone and Ativan to help me sleep at night). This is largely due to my lack of success stories with them. Sleep meds are only effective for a little while and then you get tolerant and have to keep raising your dose endlessly which isn’t good, especially with something potentially addictive such as a benzo. 2/3 APs I tried caused horribly distressing akesthesia/anxiety which at points got so bad I had to actively refrain myself from driving into oncoming traffic to end it. That was very scary for me and was the defining moment that said that I don’t want to be on these medications anymore. Zoloft ended up being the cause of my severe urinary retention which caused me to be unable to sleep for nearly 3 weeks straight, which then left me so tired during the day I was sleeping through classes.
Some of the meds I have been on have worked very well at managing my symptoms. Some have done absolutely jack for them. At this point I’m absolutely sick of the whole medication process. Having to stick with a med for weeks, maybe having to deal with terrible side effects that you don’t know if they will go away, or maybe it starts out wonderful but then you develop bad side effects that are intolerable. That is even worse in my opinion because you get so hopeful that finally you found the perfect med and then it turns out to suck as much as the rest…
Admittedly I am not thrilled with how my therapist (APN) has handled my medication situation. I would report to her the terrible side effects and she would say she had never heard of them before. Even when it took about 5 seconds for me to google symptoms I was suddenly having and see immediately that others had experienced them because of meds. When I explained to her that that was not helpful to me and was frustrating, she said I would have to make a choice whether I wanted to have my symptoms managed or not. Basically just saying suck it up. And when I would inquire about switching medications when one really wasn’t working for me she would say that she doesn’t like switching meds. Ok. Then she gets frustrated with me for dropping meds cold turkey when I am given no alternatives, no supplements to help manage side effects, nothing. Now she’s basically resigned herself and is not advocating I be on medication anymore and has even said she doesn’t think I’m a good candidate for medication because I don’t stay on any of the meds I take. (when I have no other choice!)
I don’t know the normal process for dealing with medication that really isn’t working for you. I would love to be on medication. It makes life far simpler for me. And deep down, I have this knowledge I am in denial of that I am not going to make it through life without meds. There is a high chance I will end up attempting suicide eventually. I just don’t know what to do right now.