That you have ever felt?
And why is that so?
I can think of 2
- Going through infertility
- Going through a divorce
- Being outcasted
- Getting bullied at work
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Sorry to hear that.
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Betrayal for me, that’s the only thing I’ve ever really felt through out life
Everything else was pale comparison
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Sometimes I look at humanity as a bunch of ants…Then I get mad at the ants because they don’t do what I tell them to do.
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I look at us humans as kinda gorillas banging our chests and yelling at each other
I used to think it was funny now I think it’s destructive and sad
Lots of posturing and hierarchies and crap like that in society that I just want none of
On the positive side some very talented people have made some great artwork, movies, games, that always surprises me. Technology too. Not AI though.
To answer your first question the most pain I ever felt was the brutal self examination due to a break up or rejection. That’s why I no longer date.
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I feel like there are events that actually happen and then there are conceptual frame works we use to make sense of those events. Both can be painful. I would say on the concrete end of things some of the things may dad said to me when I was a kid. On the conceptual level I would say my thoughts about my parents marriage. Thinking about that messes with my sense of reality.
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Fifth grade was when I meet my first greatest emotional pain. I was friends with all the cool and popular kids. All of a sudden they rejected me, started treating me bad. I still don’t know what I did wrong but it was confusing and lonely and hurt.
The next time was just extreme loneliness when my teacher had me skip 8th grade and I went right into high school when I was 12. I was already socially backwards and didn’t have the capacity to make friends and everybody was older and a year ahead of me. I remember walking around alone at breaks and lunch. It was embarrassing and very painful. I finally found a little concrete area behind the school where hardly anyone went and I would go there on breaks and lunch and sit there by myself and die inside when someone walked by that I recognized from a class and saw me sitting there alone. God, that was terrible. It was a couple of months before I made a friend who would join me on the concrete area and we talked and hung out. He was overweight when it was still rare at that age and a little weird and aggressive but was basically a nice, loyal guy. Smart too.
Those are two times that stand out; I can think of others.
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When they steal who and all you are from you kinda and your eyes , your energy , your spirit , your nature , your times etc
Then when you are empty suffering piece of meat kinda they neglected isolated hated nasty time and then later feeling their ugliness putrid spirits and eyes (no wonder they want to steal mine when there’s are ugly af)
Bullying by a whole countries and using army to steal your arms of grace and tentacles and put in someone else’s body so they feel great “being you “ while your real bod barely surviving .
Spreading lies and hate and set ups and walking all over and not letting you exercise or go to beach or walk or ever feel like yourself.
Molesting you when you are a baby .
Taking your virginity and witness by someone who gave barbie doll to shut up .
Body taken over by “them “ and made to do things against ones will and it’s actually them not real me who’s not in bod .
Not getting to feel like oneself and just exist and just be .
Making sure no one around you lives you or cares of almost no one but instead horrible.
Being possessed by an ugly hysterical intense disgusting male w ..
And the ugly woman I felt a few times too .
Raped and put in invible restraints .
Being threatened to do something against your will .
Being psychologically tortured.
Every o d you ever lived pretended n never lived you but wanted to steal from you n destroy you n could never love you back .
No freedom to travel of space to be in good nature and self and just exist but stuck in room all time because horrible ones out there etc and they try seperate from one’s own nature .
Not getting enough food n no love ..
When you only have a couple real ones of so n they do everything to try seperate you or turn against etc
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often the times following the happiest moments. for the majority of my life, the worst days of my life are usually the ones that are a day or two my best. for no reason in particular, i’m just extremely down and/or psychotic. it’s a positive-feedback loop of me questioning if the good day or moment i had was real, or if everyone was just faking it, or if i’m deserving of happiness.
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i broke up with my girlfriend last month, and i think the greater pain isn’t knowing what i lost; but what i never had. it should have been clear to me that i would lose her, i was just in denial about it for a long time.
however, i’ve been mostly numb about it all. it’s hard not to think about it, but i’ve been resuming my usual schedule despite everything, just very numb and confused.
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Multiple family deaths since 2017
I got quite far without losing people
But fate has been cruel recently
Pain of loss
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Not being supported to choose my desired career path. Although it was later compensated with many good moments throughout my career, with meeting good people and with a heftier pay check.
Being rejected by several women has also impacted my mood and confidence, although I’ve gotten over it in time.
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I cared deeply for these people
Some robbed from us too quickly
Freaks me out I am the same age as my father when he died
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probably losing who I was. (after tons of drugs when psychosis was creeping in)
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When family members can do the worst to you - such as my brother gave me a very big, huge dose of drugs and haven’t informed me what the dose was- he lied, and… I could die. I still believe it was kind of revenge, or jealousy..
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Sorry that i didnt respond yet.
This thread is deep so i need to wait until my focus is better as its morning here and i need to jog
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Betrayal
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When I first was struck by anxiety after using a lot of drugs. It put a whole new dimension on what anxiety felt like.
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When I got beat into a gang I thought I was gonna die. I couldn’t breathe and my body was on fire, my blood was filling up with lactic acid from no oxygen, I kept spitting up blood. The emotional aspect was when I was in a gang I did bad things and someone put a hit out on me, people were after me. I stayed in my dumpy apartment at the time for a month. The places my mind went contemplating a suffering death. People I knew were getting beat and murdered. I cried almost every night wishing I could change my life. Eventually a lot of them went to jail or prison and it fizzled out, new problems surfaced, I was yesterday’s news. The sad thing was I was ready to die for a stupid idea. I was young and dumb.
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Heartbreak, its the worst thing. I recently contacted my first exgf because i realised 4 years later what a mistake it was to let her go. Its unreasonable to feel that way but i cant help it. She was such a sweet person
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