This is simply out of curiosity, not because I think I have it. I also think it might be beneficial to write down your anecdotal account on paper, so to speak. I know this has helped me in the past to write it down.
I had a bipolar gf years ago…she would stay in bed day and night for about a month and then be zippy the energizer bunny a week or so…and then she would be back in bed day and night for another month…cycling they call it I think.
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I have sza bipolar type so I think I may have a good idea about what bipolar illness can be like. Bipolar used to cause me to go into extreme depressive states often to the point of suicidal ideation and even gestures and attempts. This state of affairs usually went on for several years followed by several weeks of anger and irritability, plus verbal and physical violence towards others. This is when I was unmedicated. @John_Raven
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I experience highs and lows but lately more mania than depression.
There sometimes are few differences between bipolar and SZA bipolar type.
I’m one of those people where the lines are blurred between these two disorders.
Some docs say that I have bipolar but many of them agree on schizoaffective disorder.
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It sucks and it also rules.
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Mania feels powerful. It can be a nice high but it’s often destructive. I have SZA or recurrent brief psychotic disorder.
My manic episodes only occured in hospital. Driven by delusions. I don’t know what pure bipolar mania feels like.
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I don’t envy you at all. I would rather been sz as I am
I get periods of mania
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From 2005 to the present, and especially since 2016, (when I was placed on my third atypical AP, Seroquel), my sza illness has both looked and behaved more like sz than like bipolar, tbh. Before 2005, I suffered really badly with suicidality although my paranoia was pretty bad too. But in 2005 all my mood symptoms completely disappeared, with meds, leaving only breakthrough episodic psychotic symptoms.
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Off meds, I am easily angered, very irrational. I feel like I’m watching someone else say or act in terrible ways, and it’s not really me at all. Someone else took the wheel, so to speak. On medication, that anger/aggression is gone, but I have depression and mania. I’m always in bed, even when I’m manic. When I’m manic, I go shopping. I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about whatever item(s) I want, even though it’s never anything I need. It’s just reckless spending.
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I get mixed state episodes so the best way I can explain it is that the world is ending and I have to save it. Not in the delusional sense though, I don’t think I’m the messiah or anything. I won’t sleep for days on end or only get two hours of sleep at a time.
I feel awful but at the same time I feel like I can punch the moon out of the sky.
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I make bad decisions when I’m manic. Gave away like $300 to some scammer once. It’s a dangerous condition for me so I’ll keep my mood stabilizers nearby.
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I didn’t even mention the poor impulse control. My last manic episode has put me into a horrible financial position. I spent over ten grand on stupid stuff like tattoos, material items, and trips I never even went on.
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Yeah my sister has bipolar and spends a lot of money on stuff. We’re helping her pay down her debt. She buys stuff to make her feel better.
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