Sometimes, it’s like being in a scary movie. Jump scares, feeling like I’m being watched or followed, not being sure what’s true.
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Well, my body is broken and my brain is effed up 
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Every day was like a nightmare
Some days did not sleep at all cause of the voices
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I am grateful for my life, I lived a beautiful life and It can be easy to forget all the beauty that exists. I dont want my nightmares to come true, but to learn to conquer the waking nightmare sometimes you have to cave into the control systems. like, for instance: wellbutrine induced mania and now I have debt. allowing someone to take control of my finances when I cant manage. I think thats the hardest part of schizophrenia is handing over the wheel to someone else and letting them drive.
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I have missed out on pretty much all of what life has to offer because of sz. I’ve been too ill to enjoy things people my age have been able to accomplish.
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“I cant drown my demons, cause they know how to swim.”
It took me down some notches. Slowly climbing back up the pole.
Its also been a learning experience. Learning limits, downfalls and improving upon them, etc.
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That is a hard part, but if you find someone trust worthy is all better. I was a shoping spree as well from mania and I have to live with that
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