I was just kidding. But I actually used to be pretty good.
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I was diagnosed at 17ā¦ Iām 30 now.
I was hospitalized a few timesā¦ refused medsā¦ got worseā¦ Didnāt go to collageā¦ didnāt get a jobā¦
Did live in a parkā¦ Did drink heavily and use drugsā¦ ended up back in hospital a lot.
Tried to leave this lifeā¦ survivedā¦ and got serious about getting better.
Ended up in a vocational programā¦ took medsā¦ stopped fighting therapyā¦ got a job as a janitor for a whileā¦ after a while worked to get a different jobā¦ and then found out I really like being out in the parksā¦ (as a gardener / landscaperā¦ not a resident)
Things have been getting better little by little as Iāve learned more about coping with this mess.
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Well in spite of not being able to drive I have climbed Kennesaw Mountain, been to Disney World, watched a game between the Atlanta Hawks and the Chicago Bulls in the gymnasium when Jordan was playing, visited the Weather Channel studios, went to the Smoky Mountains, the Improv, ate ribs at the Rendevous,walked onto a South Carolina beach, and Washington, DC. I also watched a lot of movies, played a lot of cards, shot the bull a lot, played with my nieces, rode my bike for miles at a time, did a 15 mile walk at Clinton Lake 4 miles of the Kansas University campus, did a lot of walking, worked 2 jobs after 2 failed attempts at being a security guard, made a 4.0 GPA on a Associateās degree in History, played golf on a real golf course, played a lot of minnie golf, frisbee golf, played video games at Daveās and Busters, ate hamburgers at Five Guys and Red Robin, played a little basketball, tennis, wrote poetry, and watched hail storms, snow storms, ice storms, and a number of sunsets. I also weighed as little as 170 pounds when I was acutely psychotic, was 300 pounds last year, could only sleep with a drug, abused supplements in an attempt to sleep at one point, was hypomanic and came close to living with a woman who I met at the Psych Ward, was psychotic almost throughout including 22 years of hearing voices every day. I was hospitalized 7 times, attempted suicide once, comtemplated it way too many times, lived with my Mother until I was 44, suffered from major depression, OCD like symptoms, anxiety, panic attacks, and have slept alone the entire time when I slept. The fun things were mainly at the expense of my Mother, her former husband, and my brothers, I earned the degree on my own including paying for it. I havenāt worked or gone to school in the last year and a few months and had 4 hospitalizations. But in the last almost 8 months Iāve lost some weight, kicked my porn habit, ended my addiction to sleeping supplements, appreciated my Mom for all sheās done for me, and am more at peace with myself. I have ridden public transportation or had a relative drive me everywhere I went. But it didnāt prevent me from having some nice experiences in life. I am actually a very lucky man considering how terrible the illness has been.
Break from realty at 23. Finished my undergrad degree two years later. Completed jumpstart fellowship. No significant periods of unemployment, always working at least part time. Own my own car. Started a blog.
I conquered homelessness, got a full time job, got a concussion from said job, spent a year recovering from that, and then got back to working part time. I also met the person Iām going to stay with forever, and overcame my severe PTSD (mostly). I learned that quitting your meds when youāre doing well is a stupid thing,