What do I do now?

I’ve been dealing with this illness for 18 years. It’s funny but I thought I beat it. I was diagnosed and I thought my life was over. But I started from scratch and built a life I dealt with the paranoia and just moved on. I live in a small town and the stigma with the word schizophrenia scares a lot of people so i’ have had to hide my illness and suffer in silence, but I thought that made me stronger. I have been disabled for about 15 years. I decided it was time to stand on my own two feet. So I got a job and tried to start living. I had trouble from day one the paranoia was unrelenting! But I wanted to be a “normal” person. So I was working 55 to 60 hrs a week. I made 7 months. Started drinking just to make the pain go away. Just had to make it another day. I kept pushing and pushing I just wanted to make it. I decided I just couldn’t live with the pain anymore. So I put things in order came up with a plan said my good byes in the best way I could. My wife knew that I was loosing a grip on reality. we talked and I did something I said I would never do again, i went to the hospital and got help. after about two months i’m “better”. I’m living day to day not finding joy in the thing that used to always made me happy. The way I have made this far is just trying live for the day. I have very close friends and a loving wife. A amazing support system. I have everything I need to make it. They try hard they just don’t understand the pain. I just dont know what I’m suppose to do next. I’m lost

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Therapy is all I got. Helps to have a sounding block away from friends and family. Especially with our thought process. Meds and talking therapy go hand in hand with moving forward and upwards.

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thanks this just give me hope because there are others like me!

Maybe all you need to do is rest and recover for a while - working 60 hours a week for 7 months would take it’s toll on most everybody - just take the pressure off yourself for a couple of months and rest. Maybe think in terms of WHAT WOULD I LIKE TO DO - rather than WHAT MUST I DO.

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The pain of sz is excruciating. Every person has to deal with it in his own way. Maybe if you worked fewer hours you’d feel better. Always remember you have a support system here.

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About 6 years ago… I was in a hopeless state of mind. As far as support I had my parents, my sis and some other extended family who have been on my side.

But I still tried to leave this life. Then I was in hospital again and just getting through another med tinkering… more med exploration… I was feeling like a lab rat.

then a huge med switch up started to help me get over the deep negative swing.
Then therapy helped me start getting over some of the chaos in my head.

I was still sort of lost and I wasn’t happy… I had no direction… I found… I had to relearn what happy was…

I was just getting through one day as I could… then the next…

Your still healing… so what you do now is keep healing… Therapy is a good place to talk and get ideas how to keep getting better. I put my darker thoughts and struggles on my therapist… so I don’t keep laying them on my family. Be patient with yourself

It’s going to take some time for the brain to get back to level after what it’s been through.

Good luck and I hope things start feeling better for you. :v:

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hey sharpie1977, thanks for sharing
been diagnosed with schizophrenia 6 years now and i was hoping you would say that you have found it got easier for you to deal with in some sort of way. i am sorry i am not full of advice for you, i have been living in denial and feeling sorry for myself,would not be here without those that care for me. just wanted to reach out and say that one thing that has helped me get through the rough days is to know that your not that different from anyone else. everyone has rough days and problems that they have, anxieties and secrets that they would prefer not to share, and you got lucky and fell into the 1%. lets hope we both make it best we can!

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**You worked yourself so hard!
I`m glad you are taking care of yourself now. You have everything you need to do that.
Give yourself a break and some time :watch: **