What does your guardian angel do while you masturbate?

A lot of religious threads today, so I’m throwing my hat in the ring.

When I futterwacken vigorously, my guardian angel jumps up, runs to face the corner and plugs his ears, all while singing Jimmy Crack Corn loudly. Then he checks his emails on his cell phone. If I get into a groove he comes over and starts pointing to his watch, which doesn’t help.

How about you?


wtf … :thinking: 15 char


Yeah :no_mouth:


haha…like your moxy.

Religion only gets you so far…either to heaven or hell.

For me. I float off into space as energy when I pass. I will influence the universe in such a miniscule way just as energy.

That is enough for me. I don’t want to go to heaven. Sounds boring and I know evolution works. It’s all around me!


She streams it live on YouTube. Sometimes she lends a helping hand. Other times she just sits there and laughs and makes silly comments and innuendos and warns me of the dangers of growing hair on my palms.
I kind of am mad at her right now because in over 40 years she’s only clapped twice where I think I deserve more applause. Oh well, at least I get an A for effort.


Sounds accurate to me. As you were…

She tells me its perfectly OK but NEVER before an important boxing match.


Why not for boxing? So you can keep your aggression up? Is boxing on a high holiday?

Lol, there’s a debate going on for years among boxers and trainers about whether having sex before a fight is detrimental to the boxers performance in the ring or not.

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Alan & Sonja Get Randy - I’m Alan Partridge - BBC (4 minute clip, funny)

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Oh my god, honestly I always keep my eyes closed for this specific reason.

She sits there humming “The Star Spangled Banner” and does her nails.

She sounds like a real trooper. I don’t envy the job, but I’m sure the benefits are divine.


lol…umm…well if you do do that I assume they would watch a bit (not in a creepy way). Their perception is usually very different I think. Not like they don’t really know if its wrong or not…its sorta censored on their part…

My Angel sings the Monty Python song “every sperm is sacred, every sperm is good, if a sperm is wasted G-d gets quite irate.”

I love comedy.

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Ohhhh religious threads. Facepalm. This was probably the most unique, though.