My mother is in a nursing home with severe dementia and is in hospice care. All I really want to do is to visit her one last time and say Goodbye while she’s still alive, even though she probably won’t comprehend what I’m saying or remember it. I’ve been visiting her once or twice a week since the summer of 2011. Now all she does is sleep or try to get out of the bed and get agitated when she can’t, though last week she managed to slide out of the bed, hit the floor, and bruised herself. She speaks but it’s gibberish most of the time. She says she wants to go, and begs for help getting out of bed. Today I asked her go where and she didn’t respond. She was too busy giving a speech about getting out of bed. She’s really out of it and doesn’t know who I am most of the time. She’s told the nurse I’m her brother. Today she was calling me Sir. Ii really just want to say Goodbye and I love her and not go back again.
Having a parent with dementia can be tough to see.
My older Mother has dementia and lives with my father and I.
Can’t you visit your Mom any more?
I’m sorry that your going through this.
It seems that you love your Mom very much.
Ouch, I’m so sorry @anon54988740! I don’t know what to say. At least she has something to do while you are there. Even if it does not make sense? Perhaps she enjoys your company on some level at least? Anyways, hang in there. If you have a therapist, you could talk to her about your mom. They might have some suggestions to help. If not, try keeping a journal. I found that journals help me with all sorts of issues that I thought that they would not help with. Anyways, all the best to you in this hard time.
I’m sorry you’re going through that. I can’t imagine how difficult it must be to watch your mother go through that. I hope you’re able to see her.
What a sad situation @anon54988740, follow your heart.
I’m really sorry @anon54988740.
Well I have an old car leaking oil and she lives 35 miles away. There’s no public transportation. It’s peaceful when she’s asleep, but when she’s awake she goes on rants which stress me out. I wish I could have a conversation with her like we used to. I have the feeling she’s not going to live much longer. But it seems pointless to visit her when all she does is sleep or agitate.
They do know when your there, you know, even though the can’t always speak it.
Dimentia is not linear, it comes and goes in waves, and will get worse around sundown- and can be better in the morning.
Are you her only visitor?
You may be the omly thing she has left, why not make your visits once a week, and early in the morning?
Once their gone, they are gone forever,and all you have left is the regrets and memories.
Live your life today so tomorrow you may have no regrets.
I think it is important that you continue to visit her.
I’m sorry you have to see your mom like this. I agree with @zeno , you should continue visiting her. You may have regrets later if you don’t and in small ways your mother may still know you’re there for her.
My partner went through this with her mother. Beyond just not recognizing people, she also became angry and abusive, calling her workers horrible racial slurs and saying terrible things to my partner. It was very painful, and my partner felt as you do.
She kept going, though, and perhaps a year after her mother died, she told me that she now was beginning to miss not only her youthful, healthy mother, but also her angry and confused mother, as she was when she was dying.
You need to do what helps you survive. But I lean towards others who suggest you keep going to see her - there are memories to be made even now that in the future you will treasure.
Not sure what I can say that the other members haven’t already. Sorry you are going thru such a hard time. I know you love your mother very much, but I think your heart will tell you what to do. Wish you the best @anon54988740
Yes, @anon54988740 - you’re in a tough spot - I support you fully no matter how you decide to proceed re: visiting your mother. Please be good to yourself.
I wish you and your mother well and that you can get support and care in how to best go about it.
Maybe you could get support network with people supporting you and your relationshipswith your mum.
I think others have given good replies to you and I do not know what to say to you right now but I wish you both well.
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