Under siege…yet still going out there.
You know? The reason I post on this forum is that I was conveniently persuaded to be diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder at age 21. Put on disability before age 22, because I hadn’t worked for a few years. Been to a therapeutic community farm (or whatever it ACTUALLY was) just to get away from the isolation not leaving my parents house. Rehab for no reason…all male rehab which ruined my already ruined life…inpatient and outpatient…several years…why did I let them? I don’;t know…they destroyed my mind/soul/psyche and brain until I had no idea who I was or what to do in life?
Couldn’t even get a f*ing hair cut…only go to the store for sigarettes and alchohol and apparently I live in a world where there’s consequences for what they did to you for no reason other than maybe…some CHICK YOUR FATHER WS SLEEPING WITH HAD HIM DOSE YOU WITH LSD AT 3 YEARS OLD? And hilaritity ensues? If hilarity for you is having your own son tortured and dosed with chemicals all his life.
Where am I living exactly? Because this isn’t the world I thought I was in. I know I can’t do myself justice…they win…if they have respect…and a voice in your head…and control over your mind and body.
They have everyone in my community…talking in my head…driving me insane…and you know what? It’s them…everyone seems to have it the other way around. They’re big…I’m small and they waited until I was completely alone…and then the struck me.
Liability? I must be…they made it impossible to get away from them…they “tell” me with their “voice” that they’ve planned it since the day I was born. They think I was someone from some sort of past life…they’ve had a lifetime to plan this on me…and I’ve had no way to prepare or knowledge that this would happen.
For GOD’s sake (if there is one) why are people allowed to do this? Why can’t we just be honest and say yeah the world is this way and the way it was allowed people to abuse this most powerful dimension of reality?
Or are we ruled at no mercy by this sick machine? Or am I simply wrong and made wrong by some abombination,I mean perhapse this is something not entirely bad…what if it was good (the voice?) and yet my family put me on the wrong side of it…could they (people) be ignorant of something that I’m dealing with and no one else knows?
I’m never alone now…and I’m a very private person…human being…they have a voice with me 24/7 even if it’s not theirs in my head. They are not what they seem (parents/family) I think I know now how they got out of what would have (in a sane world) put them in prison)
I am not what you are…but yes I am human…and if there is a threat/consequence which there obviously is for speaking out…I just need everyone to know that I had no choice…I can’t communicate with the voices in my head…I had no way out.