Under Siege

Under siege…yet still going out there.

You know? The reason I post on this forum is that I was conveniently persuaded to be diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder at age 21. Put on disability before age 22, because I hadn’t worked for a few years. Been to a therapeutic community farm (or whatever it ACTUALLY was) just to get away from the isolation not leaving my parents house. Rehab for no reason…all male rehab which ruined my already ruined life…inpatient and outpatient…several years…why did I let them? I don’;t know…they destroyed my mind/soul/psyche and brain until I had no idea who I was or what to do in life?

Couldn’t even get a f*ing hair cut…only go to the store for sigarettes and alchohol and apparently I live in a world where there’s consequences for what they did to you for no reason other than maybe…some CHICK YOUR FATHER WS SLEEPING WITH HAD HIM DOSE YOU WITH LSD AT 3 YEARS OLD? And hilaritity ensues? If hilarity for you is having your own son tortured and dosed with chemicals all his life.

Where am I living exactly? Because this isn’t the world I thought I was in. I know I can’t do myself justice…they win…if they have respect…and a voice in your head…and control over your mind and body.

They have everyone in my community…talking in my head…driving me insane…and you know what? It’s them…everyone seems to have it the other way around. They’re big…I’m small and they waited until I was completely alone…and then the struck me.

Liability? I must be…they made it impossible to get away from them…they “tell” me with their “voice” that they’ve planned it since the day I was born. They think I was someone from some sort of past life…they’ve had a lifetime to plan this on me…and I’ve had no way to prepare or knowledge that this would happen.

For GOD’s sake (if there is one) why are people allowed to do this? Why can’t we just be honest and say yeah the world is this way and the way it was allowed people to abuse this most powerful dimension of reality?

Or are we ruled at no mercy by this sick machine? Or am I simply wrong and made wrong by some abombination,I mean perhapse this is something not entirely bad…what if it was good (the voice?) and yet my family put me on the wrong side of it…could they (people) be ignorant of something that I’m dealing with and no one else knows?

I’m never alone now…and I’m a very private person…human being…they have a voice with me 24/7 even if it’s not theirs in my head. They are not what they seem (parents/family) I think I know now how they got out of what would have (in a sane world) put them in prison)

I am not what you are…but yes I am human…and if there is a threat/consequence which there obviously is for speaking out…I just need everyone to know that I had no choice…I can’t communicate with the voices in my head…I had no way out.

Hey mussel, you don’t sound so well, have you considered talking to your pdoc about your medication?

I don’t know you, but I hear you reaching out. Get yourself safe with your doctor. Save yourself again today. :heart:

I can relate and understand most of what you’re going through. I’m struggling myself. Good luck and I hope you find some peace though the very nature of our disease largely prevents that.

Considered talking to my “doctor”? It was a “doctor” or “pdoc” who did this to me in the first place…

But then the “voices” say that it had to be done in jail…had to be jail…no it was a psychiatrist actually. But then the sick bastards win in this world. Don’t you see how easy it is?

But then all psychiatrists are all completely sane upstanding individuals in this world right? No one would become one for nefarious reasons right? No. Never.

And yes I see one. Does he help? No. Have they ever helped? No. Am I desperate for help? Yes.

You know what? If the world is the way it is I would prefer they just be honest about it and just execute me in public…right down in the public square…just do it. I mean if what I remember, if a third of what I remember is true…and if I can’t live in a world in which

They apparently think I did things I would never do with a gun to my head…but then they say it isn’t REALLY true…do you know how this world looks to someone who’s lived here this whole time on the outside of what is really going on? It looks insane.

And I’m sorry but for a forum about schizophrenia and related disorders…this place is pretty scared/intolerant of dissenting views…which I would assume would be pretty common among those of us experiencing…well…schizophrenia related illness…

If the “pdoc” was being a rational and well meaning human being willing to see me as the person I am…you know what? There’d be no problem. I was once recovered afterall…but have awoken to a world gone mad.

This is VERY likely the disease talking. I understand as well as anyone on this forum how ■■■■■■ up the “system” is, but… neither the medicinal nor psychotherapeutic treatments for sx can cause sz.

Piles of research show that sz pts tend to get “better” when they…

  1. Get a copy of this book and read it and have their families read it, as well.

  2. Get properly diagnosed by a board-certified psychopharmacologist who specializes in the psychotic disorders. One can find them at…

  3. Work with that “psychiatrist” (or “p-doc”) to develop a medication formula that stabilizes their symptoms sufficiently so that they can tackle the psychotherapy that will disentangle their thinking.

  4. The best of the therapies for that currently include…
    DBT –
    MBSR –
    ACT –
    10 StEP –

  5. the even newer somatic psychotherapies like…
    MBBT –
    SEPT –
    SMPT –

  6. or standard CBTs, like…
    REBT –
    Schematherapy –
    Learned Optimism –
    Standard CBT –

  7. If you/she/he needs a professional intervention, tell me where you live, and I will get back to you with leads to those services.

I’m waiting for the book “when the trauma can’t be talked about”

Because I’ve known so many people during my time among those with psychiatric disorders who’s traumatic experiences have been passed off as “delusions”…didn’t happen.

How do these practitioners and therapists sleep at night I wonder? Let alone these families who put them in the system to cover it up (when often times it wasn’t even them who caused the trauma)

Much more common until the early 1990s. But a movement arose in the '80s that brought trauma to the forefront (even too much to the forefront in some cases; things got way out of hand in the profession for a while).

In the 2010s, trauma (in some form, sometimes seemingly “very subtle”) is increasingly seen as the graveyard that will have to be dug up… albeit carefully. There is a very rapidly growing literature on trauma running the gamut from the neo-feminist movement’s dam busting (and occasionally over the top stuff) mostly in the '80s to the very soldily neurophysiology-grounded stuff in the '90s, '00s and '10s.

The big name authors include Alice Miller, Judith Lewis Herman, Diana Russell, Yvonne Dolan, Bruce Perry, Laura Davis and Ellen Bass in the former category (I advise caution with this stuff), and the following in the latter:

The most widely regarded and evidence-measured psychotherapies for trauma include…

10 StEP –