We had a cookout over the Fourth of July, and my sister brought fruity alcohol drinks. It didn’t bother me then, but today I was looking in the fridge and there were a couple left over.
I had thoughts about how refreshing they would be on an hot day, and then immediately poured them out.
The thing is that I’m 6 1/2 years sober, and I haven’t had a thought like that since about year three of sobriety when I was in a dark place.
I’m so pissed at myself. I thought I was beyond that. I worked in addictions recovery and know that these things happen, but I was so hopeful I was passed that.
I’m 11 years sober and I’m looking after an elderly relative. They like a (small) drink of alcohol every few days which I give them.
Every so often I’ll get a thought of how happy I was when I was drinking. This is just my mind lying to me. The fact of the matter is when I went to AA I thought alcohol was worth dying for and it was killing me.
So take it 24 hours at a time and don’t fall for the lies of an addicted mind.
You were tempted and you overcame that temptation. Overcoming the temptation is what counts. I have 35 years clean and sober, it’s inevitable that we’re going to remember our using and drinking days but you don’t have to act on it. You passed the test; you didn’t drink, so don’t let the feeling of having memories of drinking affect you, move on and continue with your sobriety.
I’ll tell you a story: I smoked crack for four years, from 1986-90 then I got clean in AA. I had a pretty good recovery going, I was going to 5 or 6 meetings a week, I was participating in the program, I worked the steps and tried my best to live by the principles of the program including practicing rigorous honesty. I didn’t hang around anyone who did drugs or drank and I avoided all places where there were drugs or alcohol.
In 1997, after 7 years of taking the bus everywhere I went I got a car. I don’t know why I did this but after 7 years clean and a couple of months of having a car I drove over to my old haunts where I used to buy and smoke crack. I flagged down some stranger who was walking along side the road and asked him if he knew where I could get some crack. He had some himself and I bought a $20 rock off of him. I guess I just wanted that old familiar feeling and excitement. I didn’t really want to use but there I was in my car by myself with my drug of choice in my hand.
I threw it out the window and drove back home. I don’t know how close I was to using but I was disappointed in myself and didn’t see how I could find myself in that position of buying and almost smoking crack after 7 years clean. But you know what? I didn’t give up, I went on in my recovery, I didn’t let it stop me from continuing in my recovery.
I’ve never had that close a call again with drugs in my entire sobriety and I didn’t let it phase me. I still went to meetings and now that was 28 years ago and I’m still going strong in my recovery.
You don’t have to drink, you’re going to have temptations but don’t give in to them. Just chalk up your fleeting craving for alcohol to experience and keep staying sober. You know where drinking will lead you and you don’t want that. Maybe next time you won’t be so tempted and you’ll face temptation better and deal with it better but just because you had a close call you don’t have give up on your recovery. Good luck.