This is the issue I am having: I have been taking Abilify for ten years almost now. For about half of that I took 30mgs of Abilify at 8pm on the dot, regularly. I’m almost 28 now and I have had problems since being put on it. My psychiatrist at the last practice put me on Vyvanse to speed me up so I could become independent and start driving. The thing is my current psychiatrist puts all the blame on me. He acts as though when my psychiatrist took me off Strattera because she said it made me manic, that it was my decision or that I was just pulling myself off the drugs. No it was them telling me they wanted me on something else. He is dismissive of everything I say. I agreed to go back to the guy who got me denied for disability because “there’s nothing wrong with you” to take a bunch of battery tests and evaluations. I’m starting to get nervous.
The whole issue is how closely interlinked the insurance, the pharmaceutical industry and all is and I’m scared that they are trying to get over on me. Like maybe they think they’re failing because I somehow stopped having symptoms for a long time. I legit think they want me sick. I’m scared of hospitals. I saw what happened to my boyfriend. Now he has a seizure disorder and is constantly passing out and having asthma attacks. I’m being pressured to babysit my mother still even though she’s on haldol and recovering, I have to take her out practice driving. There’s no life for me. I’m like trash, like something to throw away.
No one is supporting me through the last two years of college. I have a pell grant and am yelled at not to apply. I am given $30 a day for living expenses. That’s all I have in increments of $30 a day for five days it’s hard to save up when you use it for food and gas to go anywhere, just to get out of the house. I found a bunch of documents that showed my dad and mom have had legal disputes throughout their entire marriage and I don’t know the details of why.
Sometimes I feel like I was secretly adopted. My dad doesn’t live at home and won’t say to my mom or I where he lives. It is almost sexist, or being trapped. I can’t be with my boyfriend he’s basically disabled now. Everyone who would help me has been taken down. I don’t know what to do. I want to leave and not come back. The medicine doesn’t even make a difference. The more I take it the harsher the nightmares are when I sleep, because it induces deep sleep and lucid dreams.
So what exactly am I being used for ? I saw the reports. They put me on a ■■■■■■ up medicine combination to test my reaction to their new anti-psychotics. I was in an insurance study in which I was raped by someone and I was also basically broken down by isolation into psychosis.
My parents did nothing but accept checks from insurance companies. And now I am supposed to put faith in the man who got my disability dismissed? Should I run away at this point? In a bad situation. completely trapped. Have been beaten by my father in the past year over credit cards that he stole and destroyed, along with my credit score, ruining me financially. Doesn’t want me to finish college. Doesn’t that seem like I’m just waiting to be slaughtered? Ironic. The psychologist I’m seeing his name is Dr. Slaughter. I have no reason to go there. It’ll just be proof they are after me. They already wrote down I was homicidal for saying I am a pacifist.