Schizophrenia.com

Tired of living (tw)

I am not meant to be loved, and no one will ever love me. So I just love others as much as I can.

But I’m still pretty much convinced that no one will love me. Once they find out I have psychosis, they are all going to run away. And people will get tired of me because I’m always in pain and I can’t move like others.

I’m not worthy of their time.

I believe I’m inept and unworthy compared to most people and I’ll just embarrass myself in public. I just don’t think people would like to be friends with me.

I like helping others but they don’t really find me worthwhile. I’m tired of getting rejected by people and I don’t have energy to hang out with others anyway…

There is nothing good about me and I’m not really worth it. I just live because I don’t want to make my family sad. I already know well that I am a failure and a burden. I have no purpose in life, really, and I just live because I have to. I don’t find joy in life anymore because it’s meaningless.

I just don’t care anymore. I just live because I have no other choice.

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I’m very sorry you feel this way @laetitia. I know about the physical and mental problems you have, and i still like you…if that counts for anything. Do you have a counsellor or someone you can talk to?

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A lot of this resonates with me. I constantly feel like a burden. I have no friends. My body is broken and I constantly need help. As I get older it’s only getting worse.

But our families need us. Even if they don’t understand us.

You are loved. You are worthy of this life.

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@Sezbot241 @LED
I just feel so tired of living because my body is in constant state of pain and agony. I need help with a lot of things and I may need more help later in life. It’s so frustrating. I just want to rest without pain.

And I just feel like my mother will be able to rest more when I’m dead, you know? She has to drive me everywhere and tend to my needs all the time.

I am also 100% convinced that people won’t accept me because I know that people sometimes resort to hating others when there is a visible difference, whether physical or mental.

You guys are also loved, but I’m pretty sure no one will like me at this point and I’m tired of trying to make friends.

Maybe it’s because I’m stuck at home due to mobility issues and I rarely go out because of my health. My self-esteem is pretty much nonexistent. But I don’t want to go out…I just want to stay at home and be alone.

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Self fulfilling prophecy. No one can like you if you don’t give them a chance.

I feel you on the mobility issues. My in-laws had to get rid of the carpet in their living area because I would dislocate my shoulders trying to push myself in my wheelchair on the carpet. That was a huge expense and they’re already being nice enough to let us stay here with them.

My husband has to help me constantly. There’s a lot I can’t do. But he knew that when he met me. I was already mostly wheelchair bound when we met. And I was unmedicated cPTSD with psychotic depression fresh out of several abusive relationships. I was a hot mess.

I don’t have any friends. I try but people don’t like me. I constantly feel rejected because I do try so hard to make friends and it never works.

I have an okay self esteem, though. I worked really really hard on it. It’s a recent development for sure. I took the game it till you make approach to self esteem. It worked.

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I feel really utterly rubbish today. Like I feel so poisoned and rotten. Even my acquaintance said to me you’re really not looking your best today. Said my thighs look bigger and I’m spotty.
And such.

One person once said to me that they saw someone so ugly in their neighbourhood that they did not want to get to know them.and they were being totally serious. I personally found that pretty…insulting?

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Same here l. I just feel like I’m utterly useless. And to top it all off I’m ugly depressed and have sexual problems. I’m never going to find someone either because they all want someone who isnt depressed nor psychotic. They all want someone who can make them happy in bed.who honestly wants an ugly girl like me. I’m only living because of my family but if I had it my way I’d rather be dead. I cant even make myself happy anymore either. I had hobbies now I’m struggling to even look after myself but I know I have to because I feel discusting if I dont.

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I get you on that maybe people have called you ugly in the past and that’s why you take it so personally.its the same with me.

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@laetitia my own feeling is that the world would be a lesser place without you. Your artwork is amazing, and you’re a sweetheart

I know maybe you can’t take that in, but it’s true. I pray to God, that you will come to see yourself the way others do … a decent and talented human being

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I’m sure you could find someone to love, who would love you, if you didn’t have health problems. I’ve had the same problem. I’m too wore out from the people who cause stress to find someone, I would care about.

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I’m certain you have done nothing really bad, and because of that you are better than a LOT of people. I’m on ssi disability, and I figure that I am wealthier than a LOT of people because I have no debt. So many people are up to their eyeballs in debt. If you put my net worth next to their net worth I would be the winner. I know it is hard for you. Have patience with yourself and decide that things will get better in time. Practice the same patience yourself that you would give to any other disabled person. Things will get better in time.

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@Imsobored @LED @crimby @Mae @dcragg65
I’m so thankful to have all of you.

I went to the hospital today to have a neurological exam today and it seems like my diagnosis is almost finalized. Today I’m having a mix of emotions and frustration, the feeling of “this reaaaally sucks” and “well at least I know what it is”.

I sometimes wish this is all a dream. A bad dream.

This is not good for my self-esteem at all, but it has to be done. But it hurts nonetheless.

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I’ve heard you sing…I’ve seen your artwork.

As dark as things may get, don’t forget that wonderful/ creative side to your being! :slight_smile:

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It’s depression talking. You need better treatment. My husband is in excruciating pain all day every day. He’s also mentally ill. I knew about both when we started dating. He told me up front on the first date. I’m still with him. I adore him. I love him with all my heart. Point being you can find love and you are worthy of love. Don’t give up!

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I know exactly what you mean. Just remember there are others that feel like you and we are all worthy of love even if it is more difficult for us to find.

I feel like I need to be in the hospital but I can’t because that would mean I’ll need to abandon my studies completely.

Nothing can get better for me anymore and I am losing hope.

Maybe you need a break from school in order to be mentally healthy enough to really succeed in school and in life.

@laetitia I admire you greatly for going to school. You do have to take care of yourself first, though. If you can’t find hope right now, we will all hope for you

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