It’s kinda weird and a bit involved, so forgive me if this gets too long (as my posts often do).
I have this weird thing that I’m guessing is a false memory created shortly after my last psychotic break, while I was still recovering and had just come home after my ex-wife kicked me out and ended our marriage.
This memory (or whatever it is) is of me returning to my hometown and having a bizarre conversation with my former neighbors. It involved me telling the future about what was going to happen to me. In the memory I was hallucinating that one of the guys I was talking to was my (female) former psychiatrist. I remember him saying to one of the other guys, through a bit of laughter, “he keeps calling me Dr. ******.” I didn’t want to give her real name just now. At one point in the memory I came out of my hallucination not remembering what I had said to them, and they told me I was seeing the future. I asked them if my future involved getting my ex-wife back, and the guy said, “she’s gone.” I asked them if I’m going to be ok in the future, and the guy said, “you’re going to be fine.”
I suppose it’s possible that what I remember happening really did happen, that it’s not a false memory, but I have my doubts. My memory of this is awfully cloudy, while my false memories normally are extraordinarily detailed. I’m about 90% certain that even if it really happened there’s no way I could’ve actually been seeing the future, but then there’s that small part of me that thinks I really did. That part of me finds comfort in those words, “you’re going to be fine.”
I called it a “sort-of delusion” because I don’t consider something a true delusion unless I fully believe it, have zero insight. With this I have enough insight that I pretty much know not to believe it; like I said, about 90% of me doesn’t believe this stuff.