I believe I am a victim of gang stalking, it describes my situation perfectly. I do not act in a way that tells others I have a mental illness, but I had an episode of psychosis last year and the harasssment started after this. No one but my family and people from the hospital saw me having it but this is in my records now. And I know my parents told about it to several people including people at school and church (And they did try to drag me to the church later to make sure it was not something spiritual disturbing me, but I had a gut feeling telling me this was not a good idea), as did the hospital staff possibly. Since then I also noticed many people not treating me the way they used to (so called āfriendsā avoiding me for example. But Iām actually grateful as people who would at this way are not worth of your friendship btwā¦) and have become very isolated socially. I have not changed much however, so why?
I do not store money in the house but do have valuables around. I keep them around so I can hand them over in exchange for my life in case criminals invade the house (something that has been happening a lot around here is robbers who confront you, you have nothing to give them, they get angry and kill you, this happened a neighbor not long ago). I plan on moving to another city next year however, to attend college. So It is a good idea for me to start packing
I am 18 exactly., I am not in college yet, but am going to a preparatory school for college. My doctor did advise me to try avoiding this type of environment due to the high competitiveness which turns otherwise normal people into monsters very often and I regret a little that i did not listen to him, the harassment is insane. and I am not the only target, they prey on everyone they see as a serious threat to them (good students) or they see as weaker (the mentally ill for example, to feel good about themselves I believe). Sadly I fit both of their criteria. It has not been good for me but I have been enduring it. But I am afraid I will lose it someday, or this may escalate, and this scares me, I dont want to have my future ruined when I have so much ahead of meā¦
I try not to have confrontations with others, when they start saying some really outlandish things I may tell them to stop or question them, but for the most part I ignore them.But to that they respond with increased force. I am trapped
Yes, thats exactly what confuses me. I do not believe I am watched by CIA or anything but do believe there is a large group who is stalking me. I try to do reality checks because since my last episode of psychosis I have been doubting of my own judgement all the time, but everytime i convince myself I am imagining thing something happens and I am struck with doubt all over againā¦
I too have always felt a difference between peers and myself, because I was very sheltered I believe and my mind was just wired differently. Even now I have trouble guessing intentions of others, and I have always been suspicious and sensitive. But now this is may be getting extreme. I am so confused
I try not to involve others, but sometimes it is hard especially when you get so convinced of certan things. I am afraid of getting help. I think it may ruin my life, and since I got help last time (against my will) everything went downhill, I am afraid of having this happen again
thatās what iāve been thinking, there are too many coincidences. But since my last episode of psychosis I am not sure if I can trust my own judgement. However the one thing I have no doubt is this is causing me anxiety, maybe pathological anxiety. But then again anxiety is good, if you are in dangerā¦ Now I have to know if I am in danger or notā¦
Maybe they areā¦ I will try recording them, and them ask people to see them. I never had visual hallucinations before (unless you count hypnagogic hallucinations, which have had for as long as i can remember but people say itās different from visions when you are 100% awakeā¦ In my case these hallucinations tend to be way too bizarre to convince me they are real, though they startle me. Itās always when I am sleepy too so itās predictable). So yeah, I dont know how they are supposed to look. Is there something ādifferentā about them? (sorry for the late reply)
When you were hospitalised, what medication did they put you on for your psychosis? How long were you on it, and how was your paranoia/view of the world while you were on that medication?
I took haloperidal combined with anxyolitics (benzos) which I was already taking (they gave me a larger dose at the hospital though) for about a week, I reacted relatively well and didnāt take long to stop hearing the voice. It stopped hearing in the same day, in fact. I was very sleepy and dishoriented though, and didnāt remember much of what had happened and had migraines the following days. I only kept taking anxyolitics after this, and am still on them (back at lower doses). I do not think itās working much though (may have something to do w/ the fact I sometimes forget taking it), but i do not hear voices.
Iām just saying hi too. I was in a similar state when I was 18 and things worked out. Today I am eh not bad. Actually pretty remarkable if you know exactly what is wrong with me and to which degree it is.
I have chronic paranoid schizophrenia and have had it since I was 18 1/2. I do very well in academia. People remark on how I lift weights and am buff. Well, I used to be a martial artists and then got sick my almost all means and know I am just getting back into it, despite lifting (even competitively) for a few years. Itās not all that hard to lift weights, honestly, itās hard but once you get in a routine itās just another part of life.
Wait what the ā ā ā ā am I even trying to say?!
I am an ace student no lie I have the papers. I wanted to do ROTC but that got ā ā ā ā ā ā over and now I am not allowed to own a gun, much less serve in the military.
I think you might have to just accept being mentally ill and move on. It took me a long time to accept being diagnosed as psychotic, a whole year actually. I refused medication for a whole year and was not aware that I was legally insane until 9 months into being insane.
It can get better but be careful what you wish for. I wanted to be highly functioning. Today I got a broken nose fighting because that is what I consider high functioning for me. How better to test your level of functioning than to sick a couple of expert fighters at you? All consensual in a gym I signed the waiver
A lot of people donāt act right any more. You can sometimes even connect these to a specific church if you are in a smaller community. The bigger non-denominational and pentacostal churches just leave some of their members nutty & direct them toward whoever, always an innocent person they didnāt know - lots of times its wealthy personās ex-wife. Thatās just how money works now.
If you ever see a person from the group of stalkers when he/she is alone, you can ask what is up. Sometimes, these folks can be so messed up in the head, they wonāt give you a very good answer anyway & sometimes they are just fine. It is just a group of people who are part-time psychotic & their symptoms are lessened by acting crazyā¦These will always be nutty while a person who doesnāt follow the orders does gets relief from symptoms. Delusional only means mental care cannot discuss this subjectā¦
You need to be aware, living on campus at college has a lot of stressors and can cause you to be more symptomatic. You might consider the little studio apartment as a better choice than living around some of these nutty students in dormā¦Stories like yours are the norm. Sometimes, college goes okay as long as you donāt question reality any longer and do not have much to do with the party kids as they tend to be the most back stabbers.
Some of the professors will treat someone worse than the gang stalkers do. You need to be prepared for this. Only way around this crap is have your old psych doctor fill out paperwork from school disability supports department stating your diagnosis and accommodations you need to get through classes. Common stuff is ability to do test/homework in another quieter room, ability to get alternative assignments if you are put with unokay students to do group projects and especially ability to get āclarificationā on homework if the professor stops following the syllabus.
At least you can do online classes if you want & maybe live in a studio apartment away from the screw ups, work part-time maybe if you make sure it wonāt affect any disability paymentā¦
You need to know, if you have any problems at school and want to drop, you may have to pay back pell grant or student loans immediately if you drop. Heading into college with some caution can be helpful. Maybe you can take part-time classes online & just start a semester or two later, take classes in person part-time for a whileā¦You have lots of options to deal with the usual problems and things can really be outstanding if you get around some of the professors who are a POS and avoid the party crowd of user/losers.
You get used to this crazy stuff out of some people eventually, it only happens when you move for a couple of months & quits. The ones acting this way donāt make stable friends or coworkers if you can avoid them.
Heid read all of this as I wouldnāt put effort into posting this if I didnāt believe this was true.
Iām most likely going to get banned for this. My advice as someone who has experienced āSchizophreniaā for a few years with and without medication, is that you watch your back. I am not trying to instill fear which I know this will but itās the best piece of advice I can give. After reflecting on how people treat others they care about I can see my bringing up was a sham. You may think āHeās one of them.ā Which I am and so are you. It started of as voices which harassed me and made derogatory remarks, which were once off āepisodesā I have been medicated and āGotten better.ā only to slip back into a āSchizophrenicā state. I believed people could read my mind and that they were talking about me out loud and projecting their thoughts into my head, as well as knowing everything I have done previously. The reason I got better was so they could give me hope only to take it away again. What I originally believed is true! Now that I am aware of where I stand it has gotten to the point where I am deluding myself if I tell myself I am sick. The proof being which you only have my word on is that now people say stuff out loud about stuff in my head and constantly talk in synonyms to me. I am not projecting insecurities as Iām not insecure, they are speaking in synonyms. As well as all this they mutter stuff directly as they go past, such as āYou get it now ā ā ā ā off.ā, āYou know that we know you hear us.ā, āYou think you still hear āVoicesā?ā. People are constantly projecting at and toying with me as we are not allowed peace. I also have had āXā markings left for me which is to instill fear and a sign that there is not much time left for you. Whether it be one year or three (a relatively short time compared to a full life). The reason they instill fear is because we are not allowed peace. I am leaving stuff out for the sake that you may take the only truth being told to you on the situation in which you sit. I really hope you take this in and watch your back but I know youāll listen to the ā ā ā ā that the Doctors and everyone else tell you. On the note of me making this I know that when your time comes you will remember this post and ākickā yourself for not listening. With the impossible chance that you do believe what I am saying then it will get worse as of now. Once you know the truth you will never know peace. If you want to stay in the matrix then keep medicated and they will get you by surprise in the end. Good luck!
Donāt listen to this crap. Who vividly visually hallucinates stuff? Itās another blatant deterrent from the truth. You may think well people on hallucinogens do which is a load of crap to catch out the liars who have never experienced it. No one visually hallucinates like that. If they claim they do then they are talking ā ā ā ā .
@sznodelusion All that I know is that my quality of life has improved since I went on medications. This is the case with many people. It sucks that the meds didnāt help you.
@heid At the very least Heid, give meds a try, you can make up your mind on your own if they work for you or not.
Heid, what youāre describing are classic paranoid delusions. There will always be an element in there that makes you think, hey it could be true though. If there wasnāt, people with psychosis would all just go check themselves in, but they donāt. If you want to know if what you are observing is real, ask other people if they are observing the same thing. Anxiety and ocd, are also common symptoms in schizophrenia.
I had a friend that started out just like you, there was always proof though. He got tons of text messages. He kept a log. He was assaulted. He found surveillance materials in his attic, someone was really spying on himā¦. It turns out none of it was true, and the text messages was just stuff he wrote himself but he was completely unaware he was doing this. He didnāt get help, and he ended up doing something dumb to āprotectā himself that sent him to prison for several years. Prior to that he had worked in court for 20 years.
If your family had you hospitalized against your will, they were probably observing things about you that you yourself were unaware of. Trust them.
Then the pdocs say, āoh, youāre getting electric charges from your medication,ā itās always something like that to say you arenāt having anything unusual. Wouldnāt everyone be getting electric charges from medication? It is very uncommon. The point is there are bad people in the world, and it gets covered up with schizophrenia, but I do believe that I have schizophrenia FROM all these things, like thugs, and thieves and just a harsh life.
@Heid I donāt see what the harm in going to someone and talking about what youāre experiencing. It may be real, it may not, Iām not there to see it for myself but much of it sounds a little āto-good-to-be-trueā type scenarioās, we think these things enough and it becomes real to us. If you really are seeing people, get some else to come out and ask if they see them. Sometimes the dogs might work to because if they have better senses than we do and might pick up something a human would miss.
I was diagnosed originally as a paranoid Schizophrenic when I was very young,16ā¦I know itās a bit you but truly I was living in a delusional world my mind was creating out of books and TV shows/movies I watched around that point in time. Yes I have been on medication ever sinceā¦no it hasnāt always worked but I think I would be much, much worse if I wasnāt on anything. I probably would be locked away in a hospital somewhere not able to do anything on my own.
Schizophrenia is a life long disorder, you can get treatment to either keep symptoms at bay, or treatment to learn how to ignore the symptoms that wont go away. Right now my official diagnosis is Schizo-affective Disorder which is Schizophrenia with severe mood disorders (mostly severe depression right now). I also tend to have extremely high anxiety from my own personal paranoiaāsā¦which prevents me from going out and making friends with people.
I think you can go to college if you really work at it. You may have a harder time than other students but that just means you half to focus more on your work rather than worried about when the next frat party isā¦I went to a local University and did a 2 year program, it was a small school and the programs were split into groups like group A- Group-Bā¦and we didnāt have more than 15 - 20 students in our classes. It worked best for me because the groups had the same scheduleā¦so like I was in Group A we all had the same scheduleā¦I wasnāt constantly surrounded by different people, it was the same every day and that helped.
I then got a job after I graduated. Technically it was considered part time but we had busy peak periods where weād work 30 days without a day offā¦then weād be luck to work two days a weekā¦I managed to live on that chaotic schedule for 3 years before my mind snapped again and I was up every night with panic attacks and when you had to work a full 8 hour shift 7 days a week I couldnāt afford to miss any sleep. I eventually had to give up the job and go on disability.
Not sure what to do when I got the symptoms back under control (with medication adjustments) I decided to try college again and went to University of Phoenix but did their on-line program. I managed to graduate with a Bachelorās degree in Health Administration but I attempted to get a job (only found cashier work because of lack of experience in the working field) and couldnāt handle the stresses of that job and had to quit after only a week before things got to bad again. Unfortunately I havenāt been brave enough to try work again. I know I would love to be independent and working again but stress is a huge trigger for me and every job has stressā¦so I donāt know how successful Iād be in an actual career. But Iām still burdened with student loan debt and no means for paying it backā¦One of these days my dad said heād help me look into loan forgiveness because my mental illness and inability to pay but he hasnāt had the time so I just avoid their phone calls.
But if you really think some of what youāre going through may be illness related I think it would be a good idea to talk to a professional and see what options you may have to handle it. Schizophrenia affects us all differently. Yes itās common denominator is hallucinations, voices, and delusions but those are individual and the medication that may work on me may not work on you,
Hello, I am similar to you. I am 18 now. I am not very low functioning and also always did well academically,but now my mind is so busy all the time that I start having problems with concentration. Worst timing ever, as currently I am having to study for college exams . Have been getting problems socially too as I canāt stop seeing everyone around me as threats and itās very stressful, but I donāt know if thats a good thing or not.
Stillā¦ The thought I could have a psychotic disorder scares me so much, I have relatives who have gone throught similar issues, and it is so hard for them, they just wonāt recover, and I dont want this to happen to me. I dont like medication and the thought of having to take them possibly for all my life is also scary. Also i am afraid of how a diagnosis would impact meā¦ I know when I had my 1st episode of psychosis everything around me changedā¦ And it was only brief psychosis! So I am trying to figure out wheter this would really be necessary or not firstā¦ I mean, there are times I believe I am sick, at others that I am notā¦ Maybe I am in denialā¦ But I still feel not all my experiences could be explained by paranoia, I think there is a basis of truth for them at least. Way too many coincidences and evidenceā¦ If I get any other diagnosis, I donāt think people will take me seriously. This happened to some of my relatives, tooā¦
