There is this girl in Iop

[Jonnybegood]

She was leaving it was the last day for her… She said that she learned a lot from how other people went through the same stuff that she’s about to go through and it was all right for them.

I raise my hand and said… Not only do you learn what to do, but you learn what not to do… Like when I was trying to go back to school!

Now I’m reminiscing on those ages. I was already extremely psychotic and depressed all the time. I was sure that I was Jesus Christ reincarnated. I was sure I was going to make it as a famous rapper. Although, I feel I need to work towards it. I had read that drugs make you more creative. So when all the other schizophrenics we’re trying to go back to school and recover, at that age, I was so damn delusional that I decided to take shrooms six days out of the week and drink the other nine days… See I lost count of how many days are in a week. But the point is, the most important time for me to recover I was making all the wrong decisions. Partly because I was delusional… OK that’s probably the only reason. But I just wanted to demonstrate how devastating this illness could really be. Because I was already in hell before I started binging on drugs and alcohol to “increase my creativity”

And in the end it was only detrimental to my creativity.

What was the bright side?

I have learned some stuff, I have matured, I am certainly certainly unique now whether that be good or bad, I definitely have individuality to complement my insanity. Also I would’ve never found naltrexone If not from my alcoholism, and that med has save my damn life, could’ve used it a long time before… It’s been such a helpful med in so many ways

[Futomimi]

I’m glad you are in a better place and have learned from your experiences. I agree with what you say. I think it is weird to say but there can be something comforting about being in a delusion and that is scary. I’ve felt lost my whole life but when I was in my break, it was the first time I felt like the world made sense. It was a horrible, paranoid kind of sense but it still felt better than never knowing what was expected of me.

[Jonnybegood]

Wow @Futomimi you just put everything in my post into words so perfectly I couldn’t have said it any better… Like you explained exactly how I felt even though I wasn’t able to articulate that feeling. But you did perfectly. Thank you so much. The delusions gave us comfort, so we dug deeper into them and it only hurt. But at least were doing well now in other ways. I don’t know you previously but I thank you a lot!!