Schizophrenia.com

Therapist wants me to print my journal for him


#1

And probably share it with his friends, taking quotes and putting them on instagram or twitter or facebook or whatever. LOL

But yeah, there is a study at my school about what patients write versus what they tell therapists. Case study time!


#2

sounds interesting or obtrusive

idk what i would do…


#3

LOL I dunno if I could ever hand my journals out to my therapist. My journals are almost utterly incoherent at times because it’s 99 percent stream of consciousness. Like if you weren’t me you would be so dang confused and think I was so much more ill than I actually am.

Still it’s an interesting study, I think.


#4

My stream of consciousness is extremely broken with continuous interjections and accusations and analysis. I used to be a very strong thinker with and intelligent flow used to write a lot now I can’t even keep up.


#5

At least it’s your journal and not your diary, or it would have all your hearts and crushes and doodles… :wink:
(That’s what my journal is like)

It is good that you will be contributing to this case study. It is helpful, because in a journal you follow your own train of thought. You aren’t being guided to go somewhere deep or unpleasant. You just get to flow.


#6

Haha mine are like that too. It’s so weird because one entry will be like “Great day at school today! So and so looked at me, he’s so cute! Also think I did well on tests blah blah” like normal teen kid stuff and then turn the page and it’s like really messy handwriting because I’m in a paranoia attack like “DEMONSAREVERYWHEREANDIDON’TKNOWHWHATTODO”.

Sometimes I feel like I live a double life. Maybe they’ll give me my own special on Disney channel, ahahaha. I see it now, “by day time she’s just a normal girl, but by night…totally nuts!!”


#7

Anything you write will leave a record trail that can be used against you. I’m not saying that you’ve written anything that could lead to trouble but often things we write, when read by a third party, can look a lot worse than we intended. Also, things can be taken out of context. Just be aware that when there’s a written record it will stay in your files forever.


#8

Good point. Very good point.


#9

I brought my journal in from time to time and read from it. I’d never give some one a copy though.


#10

I’ve never read my journal. I don’t want to. It would prop make me paranoid about if ppl knew what I was going through. I’ve had some docs read from my journal to me but it was stuff I already knew. Like I hear screaming in the night.


#11

I have too many journals. Compulsive… couldn’t stop writing.

There are some from my worst days, I’ve been trying hard to let go of and burn.

pages and pages of dots and scribbles and language codes that I was sure would keep my family safe. I can’t seem to let them go…


#12

I learned early on that lesson,
Anything you say can be used against you. Well I did write about how I was going to kill my self and had it hidden on my desk at school. Well they found it after I tried to jump out the window.
They kept and tortured me at the general hospital because my parents had health insurance i guess.
These days they just throw you out on the street when they satisfy legal requirements.

My Mom finally signed me out AMA. That ■■■■■■■ doc told my mom I would kill myself but luckily she knew me and had the courage to take me home.
part of the problem was my parents dropped me off at school and took the rest of the family on vacation for two weeks and I couldn’t reach them. This was in 1977.

I used to worry about ‘the trace’ that would follow me where ever I went.
But now I relax knowing that its hard to find out your medical history unless the police become involved.
Note to self, avoid police even if you are freaking out.


#13

@katwomansz
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the medical community keeping you from killing yourself. I know your experience was harsh, but you are still here because of it. I’m thankful for that.

@mortimermouse Your doctors might want to get a better idea of where your head is at and how your ups and downs go. You’re healthy and doing great. You’ll be contributing to the psychology community. It’s a win-win.


#14

@mortimermouse

I believe it would be interesting if you talked to your therapist about these insecurities on making your journal available to him. Try to explain him why / what are you concerned with. Sometimes our “honesty” may show itself better only when we’re raging or while on other strong emotions, unfortunately. Rather, exercise voicing - to your therapist - these same concerns you’ve exposed here, with some detachment (not too much) and intellectual honesty, while on a stabler mood.

While I do believe that there are therapists that may behave that way (disclosing, sharing your info, mocking, etc), I guess they’d rather not violate physician–patient privilege then risking themselves losing their professional license or other eventual worse criminal/legal sanctions.

However, while practical, the above explanation should not be a healthy (and / or sufficient) basis for you trusting him. Take in mind that the odds of him actually empathizing on your struggle and acting of good faith are way higher than not. Yet if you suspect he’s also schizo and currently on his “devilish days” I would postpone showing him your notes, otherwise just trust him. - Just. Leave. Rationalization. Behind.

If you wanted to get a factory built, you would not deny the engineers access to terrain so that they could be able to do their calculations, would you?


#15

Don’t do it. Your planning to be a psychiatrist. They could use it against you maybe make you look like a less than ideal candidate for a job etc…
Sometimes some things are better left unsaid


#16

I am a bit surprised they are wanting to see your diary. Personally I think this is a bit weird. I mean I appreciate the need to be honest with health workers but a journal is a very personal thing and moreover I don’t see what they would benefit from looking at it. I would certainly refuse to let any of it to be copied into your notes.

Kinda reminds me of the first therapist I met. I walked in and they introduced themselves. They then asked how old I was and my marital status. The next thing they asked was my sexual orientation! Like what the **** does that have to do with the price of milk


#17

I dunno…Im thinking of giving him one entry in which I analyzed myself and another entry this past summer about having nothing to report except being the good guy at a party, the designated driver and manager of the drunks.

But I sort of don’t trust this. Anything on paper is there forever. I have enough ■■■■ in my file. I’ve seen my file. It’s twice as thick as the other patients’ files, I watch them pull it out of off a file bin.

What is worse is that he could share it with professors, perhaps the professor I am going to write my thesis under. He knows the psychologists in the academia setting, he has told me this.

I can’t decide. All it basically is is just me tracing back childhood imprinting and some basic cognitive dissonance crap about girls. Just some stupid rambling about having a dream about a girl other than the girl I was having sex with at the time, which made me angry at myself for subconsciously wanting someone other than who I already had.

Ah ■■■■ it. I’ll give him my worst morning when I just typed the date and “■■■■ this ■■■■” and wrote nothing else.

I already told him about the cognitive dissonance thing and childhood imprinting.

he initially said “sure, gimme all one hundred pages and I’ll skim through it.”

Uh. No. My ■■■■■■ up brain. Mine.

Ive told him how I am frustrated with undergrad and feel like I am capable of more, that is what I bitch about in my journal a whole lot. I’ve told him pretty much everything, seriously. Like even the strangest and most WTF things that have gone on in my head.

At least I am anonymous on here.


#18

I think that’s awesome @mortimermouse Sounds like he really cares.