The word psychotic

what does it bring to mind to people who dont understand its meaning?

Probably ‘crazy’ or ‘insane’, someone who is completely unhinged and who you can’t hold a conversation with. Or a killer on the rampage, like in horror movies.
It’s so inaccurate to what it really means! I had to keep on asking my pdocs what it means, because I wasn’t ever ‘insane’ and when they really explained it as hearing voices and having delusions, etc, it made sense that I was psychotic at some times in my life.


Probably something like this:

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Maybe not in control of him/herself, out of control without understanding, but I like Talking Heads

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Oh I love that song Teardrop. I have it on my phone. Gives me goosebumps, very mysterious sounding. The video is quite eerie!

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Most people think psychotic means disturbed- yes, psychotic people are often disturbed, but they are disturbed BECAUSE they are psychotic. Psychotic means out of touch with reality to a severe degree, in my opinion. This means having delusions, hallucinations, inappropriate emotions, ect.

For example, I am not psychotic anymore but am still disturbed. I will probably always be disturbed, at least for five more years I would assume. I was disturbed as disturbed gets while I was psychotic- I mean sick and dangerous, a really flawed human being. It is the years of psychosis that makes me still disturbed, I have only been sane for almost a year, with a handful of bad days where I was not right in the head. My last full blown episode was about a year ago, it was pretty horrible, it was maybe worse than all of the other episodes because I didn’t expect it and had been doing well.

Some people have thrown the word “psychotic” around, which I find offensive. Psychotic is when your mind loses the battle with your scheming brain and your behavior is controlled by psychotic symptoms, like screaming about how you want to kill the voices in your head and then you punch a hole in the wall, that’s psychotic. Hearing a voice for a few seconds on the way home from the gym and ignoring it is not psychotic.

I have been psychotic and it is hard to describe. The delusions are just there. Sometimes they won’t go away because your brain makes more hallucinations as evidence. I want to learn why the brain does this, what possible adaptive traits could such an extreme disorder have? I am a dominant gene, I want to know what the hell evolution had in mind when it created this mutation. The only other paranoid schizophrenic I know in person is one of my best friends, and he has the same experience with the illness- it makes him have violent fantasies, makes him feel “evil” and can’t help but enjoy it. I experienced the same things before meds, and I occasionally experience those feelings to that extent these days, I just feel a little messed up in my thoughts and dreams most of the time.

I was attracted to violence in my prodromal phase, I was in fact obsessed with violence and death for a couple of years building up to my active phase, I was a martial artist and was actually really good at a combat sport- which makes me think that perhaps paranoid schizophrenia is not maladaptive. I was a little sharper academically back then and had naturally high energy levels. These days I need caffeine to stay sharp because of my meds, and I get faint during and after lifting weights, when I was a powerlifter, I had to take breaks and sniff ammonia or step outside and smoke a cigarette on top of large doses of weightlifting stimulant drinks. I was very strong, “unnaturally” strong, but I was a zombie when I was not in the gym. Now I just do bodybuilding workouts and am a little bigger but am not as strong.

For example, a typical day in the prodromal phase was waking up at 7am after going to sleep at 12, not drinking any caffeine, jumping out of bed and getting dressed in a nice outfit, filling out my medium size shirts to the seams with muscle, eating breafast quickly, packing my crap up, getting in the car and getting to my high school in like 15 mins, spending all day in class, then working out in the schools weight room for about an hour and a half, lifting, doing core exercises, plyometric exercises, then going to Krav Maga practice for at least an our, usually two. Then I would do homework and study until 1130, shower and go to sleep. -that level of functioning makes me think that perhaps being a little psychotic is adaptive but being completely insane is not.

I blame Alfred Hitchcock for that film psycho.
mental illness scares old bags.

I think the general public associates the word “psychotic” with “killer”. All you hear about are psychotic killers.


Wow what a nice and cool song @pedro27 - thanks for introducing this band to me!

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massive attack is awesome my favorite songs are ’ luther theme song’ and ’ sly '.
you have good taste.
take care

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i hate using the word makes others think im violent