The most frustrating thing about auditory hallucinations is the ones “outside” your head. Since I have heard hallucinations that appeared to be coming from the walls, a person talking in the distance, occasionally to me, or on the TV and the radio it’s been hard to look back and know what was real and what was false. This happened often during the first several months of my illness and at least another period when my Mother was going through another divorce and I was still 100% dependent on her. It also happened during my last relapse a month ago. I can at least distinguish the voices inside my head and argue that they are not real but the one outside my head are very disorienting. I can say right now that I am barely experiencing either but I know a future stressful situation could unleash them again. One good thing it has caused me to do is to stop trusting what I “overhear” and trust more what I hear when I speak to people face to face since I hear fewer hallucinations then. Unfortunately I can’t always accurately remember the past and have sometimes spent long periods of time trying to figure out things I thought I heard or happened based on what I thought I heard. I have heard a possible scientific explanation for this behavior. Apparently scientists have found that the part of the brain involving hearing is stimulated while a person is hallucinating. I imagine the part of the brain that distinguishes the sounds of other people in the past and present is affected as well to create those hallucinations.I tend to be better off when I think of the present and the past rather than the future although my knowledge is based on the past. Fortunately the hallucinations began after most of my schooling was over although the prodomal phase made my success in my schooling less than desired. I often thought the voices were from outside my head were real until my Dad asked about voices outside my head after watching “The Soloist” following the death of my Uncle who was also schizophrenic. Another thing that helped my delusions about my hallucinations being real was when my therapist said “Did you ever notice that they only talk about you.” I then began to accept that they were indeed coming from my own mind as messed up as they were. I know where the horror movies come from as I have also had some visual hallucinations as well like spiders crawling quickly up to me where I was sitting at. I don’t watch horror movies or read horror books anymore and definitely not books about telekinetic communication because they are too real to me and I know they are my mind malfunctioning now.
I couldn’t read that huge blob of text (brain doesn’t work that way); but what I am able to offer is that I have voices that come from “outside” the head as well. Well, not right now, but when meds ain’t working. Haldol has always done a great job putting the kibosh on the exclusively positive symptoms I have.
I’ve been hearing voices all day today. And yesterday too. I hear them right now. It is 12:49 am. They seem to to be coming out of the air conditioning vents. But, I know they’re not. I know it is the sza. There. The air conditioner shut off. And the voices shut off too. I can hear the voices in the running toilet, and in the heater running, and in the space heaters, and in the refrigerator motor too. And also at church. And a lot of times at my girlfriends house. These voices don’t bother me in the least, fortunately, as long as I take my meds.