The most depressed I’ve ever been was in 1997 and my mind was not working. I wanted to read but it was impossible and I had no thoughts whatsoever. I felt like someone I loved had died. I lived with my dad then and he kept good enough company though I needed to be out from under him. I now live on my own and have had a good amount of success with reading but I must have not been meant for books because I tried 30 years and never truly loved it. I do have guitar and mandolin which are special to me. And I filled up a sketchbook with cool outsider art I’m proud of. I also write snail mail letters to my cousin. I can’t do much creative writing but I can always write trivial things to my cousin. I rewrite them several times to make them more interesting, using the way I write and not relying on content to make it good.
I like to be able to comprehend, it validates my existence, it makes me feel good. I like videos on YouTube that I find interesting enough to not ignore. I like audible books when they capture my attention. I like the Ozzy Osbourne quote: the thing I miss the most is my mind. He’s really not a bad guy.
the most depressed I was was getting over psychosis after I stabilized. I was so very deeply sad and angry that my own mind lied to me…and on top of that I was losing my career in architecture…bad times…after two attempts at my life I decided I was going to live no matter what…and now I’m happily married…you sound a lot like me creatively…glad you have something to make you happy.
Was when I was a child.
I had insomnia and depression and everything felt hopeless.
I didn’t feel hope.
I was bullied a bit and lonely.
My mum said I was her biggest mistake and she wished she never gave birth to me and other horrible things and all my relationships didn’t understand me.
I used to cry n sob so i couldn’t breath “why does no one love me”.
I felt so unloved and alone and wanted to be loved and cared for and understood and appreciated just as I am.
I hated being a child.
I was a pushover to fellow kids and timid I think.
@Truemist8 I am so sorry. awful…shame on your mom.
I had a very happy childhood lost in my imagination but that can’t last forever and when I got close to full adulthood I got sza. But I was lost in my imagination because my family fought non stop and I escaped and I dissociated. I felt so powerless! My siblings don’t remember us all fighting so maybe I was just a sensitive child.
I was depressed in 2015.
I was suicidal in 2019 and 2020. Then I started Wellbutrin and haven’t been suicidal ever since.
Just sometimes ‘down’, but it doesn’t last more than a couple of days.
2009 when I had a heartbreak from a crush. I do not know if it was because I was changing medicines from fluvoxamine to fluoxetine, from psychosis or just from heartbreak.
I’m so sorry your mom was like that @Truemist8. I had a mean dad.
I was depressed all my life. Basically since babyhood because of my cruel father. Then, later on, because of my cruel husband. Then later on because of grief. I didn’t climb out of depression until 2005 when I found my (unmentionable).
I have been completely free of all depression for the last 17 years. Again due to the unmentionable. (And you guys know what that is).
If you’re curious, feel free to PM me.
Mother’s Day 2013 I might have committed suicide but then me and my mom went out to Mother’s Day lunch I said I can’t do it on Mother’s Day. Then I became less suicidal ever since increasingly so and on. And eventually got rid of my ideation.
I was really depressed twice in my life. I too felt like someone had died. The first time I was going through a divorce from my first husband and the second time I was in the middle of doing infertility treatments and recently fired for no good reason. I was really successful in my job. Anyway, both times I would take a bath so hot my skin would turn pink, but I couldn’t feel the heat from the water. Yeah, it was bad. I was on antidepressants both times.
After I got away from my father when I was 14, almost 15, I was no longer in survival mode and all my ptsd symptoms kicked in. This is also when I heard voices for the first time. About a year later I tried to commit suicide and went to the ward. Went back two more times for suicidal attempts, the last one was 10 years ago.
I’m probably at the lowest point in my life currently, having to be around him and living under his thumb again, along with psychosis. I’m trying to keep myself in check. I did really well with my depression for a long time though. I think it’s situational.
Hard to say. I’ve been depressed my whole life in cycles. A few times I wanted to unalive myself and a couple times tried it.
The most I was depressed was during my 1st psychosis 2010-2011. I almost killed myself twice, ended up in the emergency both times. First time I tried to crash my car into a wall, it was snowing I was driving on the highway at almost 200kmh then my car slided on ice and flipped then fell in the cleft between the two ways highway. The car landed on its top and I got out through the broken window. Some cars seeing me stopped and called 911. Police thought I was on drugs or alcohol so they brought me to a hospital, tested me and found nothing. At the hospital a Dr removed pieces of glass stuck in my eyes.
Second time I swallowed a whole big Tylenol bottle and damaged my liver, all the pills. I was vomiting for like an hour when my parents brought me to the emergency. The Dr said I was lucky that it didn’t damage my whole liver and that the liver can repair itself.
Nowdays I am much better on meds, never really suicidal.
The police told me its my lucky day to not have died in such an accident at 200kmh and that I should buy lottery.
At the emergency I had IV antidote to remove the Tylenol from my body, they also gave me a pill that made me vomit more.
@everhopeful Did you know that the antidote for Tylenol overdose is NAC the supplement?
“The antidote to acetaminophen overdose is N-acetylcysteine (NAC) . It is most effective when given within eight hours of ingesting acetaminophen. Indeed, NAC can prevent liver failure if given early enough”
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