Schizophrenia.com

The direct connection between punishing and our low self esteem


#1

No use punishing over spilled milk.


#2

I put myself down all day.


#3

I put myself down all day too, beat myself up a lot. I have low self esteem. I wonder if the low self esteem comes from being picked on my whole life, or I got picked on because of the low self esteem. I’d like to move on, but the low self esteem is suck in there pretty good.


#4

Part of my low self esteem is that I my self esteem was so low already that I let myself believe what they said about me.


#5

The low self-esteem comes from anybody in public or at work or school knowing your vulnerable and all it would take is to have someone say is “you’re crazy” and I would fold like a card house.


#6

I don’t know if it’s me or the voices in my head putting me down daily, I have enough voices in my head putting me down I don’t need to hear it from other people as well…


#7

my self esteem is so low i have to pick it up from the gutter every day…
take care


#8

I also beat myself up and talk myself down. It’s taken a lot of work to keep any shred of self esteem I’ve tried to build up in myself. I really beat myself up and brood over small mistakes and have in the past thrown myself into a panic attack over mistakes I’ve made.

I get so angry with myself when I’m afraid to stand up for myself over stuff that I KNOW I’m right on because for so long, I was too ill to be right on anything.


#9

Self esteem has been a mysterious thing for me, there have been times when I’ve had very healthy self esteem and high confidence and was not even aware it. For instance in my mid 20’s I lived on a 90acre community farm for a year and half and despite being newly psychotic I was busy all day raising animals and making repairs and what not. I left that place with a woman I’d met there and moved to her condo in the city where I in short order lost all semblance of what self esteem and confidence I’d built up over that 1.5 years.

I wasn’t even aware of it until she asked me where all my confidence had gone, I said “what confidence?” and she said that that was what she had initially found attractive about me, which was news to me. I left all that self esteem there at the farm when I moved, it was based on my life there and not my life outside that community at all.


#10

Have you ever thought of going back to that community farm?


#11

Absolutely I have,

but this was a “therapeutic community” that helps people recover from mental health issues and comes with a quite hefty price tag that wouldn’t justify going back just to be there. I have visited a couple of times and got to see a lot of the people I knew there. For years my long term goal was getting a job there, in fact a friend of mine who was there recovering is now the farm manager. But I don’t know, it’s a long term goal and I’m not even sure it’s a realistic goal or it’s even what I want to do.