The difference between adopted kids and with your own kids

adopted kids go numb. We had both in our family.

How do they go numb? Under what circumstance?

I don’t know, I think it might be that they just don’t have their own mother’s touch. It’s a huge adjustment for a newborn to adapt to a stranger.

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I have to echo Skims response. How do they go numb? Under what circumstance?

But anyway I’ve got a lot respect for those who adopt or foster children. Even more for those that have their own and do it. Truly remarkable people especially in helping the more troubled kids.

I can see older children shutting down or shutting you out of their lives.

Yes, the capacity isn’t the same.

I’m not sure about how a newborn would bond with someone who isn’t the mother. I’d imagine that as long as they are taken care of, fed, loved then they would attach normally to the adopted parent as if they were the biological parent.

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I don’t think that is true in so much as the fetus knows it’s mother and is expecting her.

We respond to any love otherwise we’d never move on from our parents onto a partner in my opinion. The more troubled kids just need structure as something they never had. All comes down to nurturing but the argument of nurture vs nature still applies.

What love is depends on the individual. Have you ever had your love rejected because it didn’t mean anything to the other guy? I have.

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I think that’s true of adults, but a baby needs love and can’t really deserve it.

Thinking on it more. The main problem with young children who where adopted is when they learn they were adopted. That’s the main issue especially when they learn that their birth parents didn’t want them. Did also wonder why are you where bringing this up? Where you adopted?

What of those who know they are adopted and their parents did want them but they were all victims of state sponsored kidnapping and placement through a manipulation of the courts and child services? On top of that when the kids are lied to and misled about what and why things are happening…what happens if/when they find out later the whole thing was a scam and there is actual written evidence showing the lies used and facts omitted to get the kids adopted???

As I mentioned in the first post, we had both in our family. I had an adopted brother. I was their own as was my sister. Some adopting parents are more sensitive than others about how they tell their children they were adopted. “Your mother thought she was doing the best thing for you.” is a good way.

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I always thought of it like this, biological children are the ones you get, adopted children are the ones you choose. If I were to be married and ever adopt then those children would be mine as if of my own blood.

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What does the most damage is when a kid believes they are not wanted nor loved by their parents, regardless of the truth.

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I have a friend who was adopted, and she had great adoptive parents. She’s never had any desire to meet her birth mother. She is totally well-adjusted and is having a great life. She’s doing much better than me. She is married with children of her own now (natural children). How well an adopted child adapts to an adoptive family can probably depend a lot on what that adopted family is like too.

my husband was adopted. a mixed race baby brought up in a pure white family. although he loved his adopted family, being the only black kid for miles around did untold damage to him and he had huge rejection issues because his birth mother rejected him twice, once as a baby and again when he was a teenager. when he grew up he got his girlfriend pregnant twice and she had one of the children adopted out. it killed him inside as he didn’t want grace to go through what he went through. we are now in contact with grace and see her twice a year and talk to her on facebook all the time. she told me that when vinnie tracked her down she felt she had finally found the missing part of her life. she now, as much as she loved her adptoptive family, had found her birth father and knew that she was loved from birth even though he wasn’t allowed to raise her. it’s such a shame that he died so young but i do my best to include her in our lives and she is happy knowing she has a brother and sister that love her very much. xxx

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