Schizophrenia.com

Suicide note (TW mentions of past suicidal thoughts)

I once wrote a suicide note to my ex lover telling her goodbye but my life was not worth living without her. I was under the delusion that she was planning on leaving me.

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yes on my first attempt I wrote a note…on my second attempt I didn’t.

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I did not leave a note. I was delusional at the time of my attempt, trying to escape my husband as I thought he was trying to poison me. Attempting suicide is the biggest regret of my life as it must have been devastating for my son.

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Yes, i’ve written a suicide note before. It was a dark period back then. My depression wasn’t well under control.

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I have written a note to my parents. I thought some higher spiritual powers were commanding me to suicide for the greater good of humanity. Totally delusional, I’m embarrassed looking back on that experience. It is traumatizing to even think about it.

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Yep but it was terrible lemme see if I still have it

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I always wondered if a suicide not would hurt people more or the other way around ?

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Mine was very similar

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Luckily no one found mine, they wouldn’t have understood it anyway if they did find it

I deleted it I just wanted one feedback. Interesting I’m glad I didn’t go out like that!!! Omg.

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Guys, since this is a recovery forum, I’d like to turn the conversation to the reasons we did not kill ourselves, and how we were able to get help.

I didn’t write a note, but I did try to kill myself once, when I was a teenager. I had just been assaulted for the first time, and I thought it made me undesirable and shameful. I thought I would never be able to recover. When I woke up the next day, not dead, I decided that I must have survived for a reason, and that I must be worth keeping alive. Shortly after, I got my diagnosis of brain tumor and was told I had five years to live. I ended up meeting a lot of wonderful kids in the hospital who wanted nothing more than to stay alive, and who wouldn’t get their wish. That made me feel incredibly selfish for trying to end my own life, and I vowed I would never try ever again.

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I do something different.

I’ve been on and off being suicidal and trying to kill myself for ages.

I found that I could escape it with a method that somehow saved me from jumping off that bridge.

When I was in crisis mode ready to kill myself, I made myself start fantasizing about dying naturally. I set a date for 4 months and told myself I was going to die naturally, it didnt matter how but it was just going to happen.

Most of the time I switched and didnt become suicidal the next or following week and I forgot about it.

It’s just a method that worked for me in crisis mode.

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Well in May of 2013 the most suicidal I ever was was on Mother’s Day. I looked in the mirror and I HATED myself. Then I went out to lunch with my mom. She could tell I was suffering. But I didn’t want her to think of Mother’s Day as the day her son killed herself I would wait a few days…since I loved her…and ever since then I’ve gotten less and less suicidal. Things really do get better. I’ve had setbacks since 2013 but never thought I was actually gonna kill myself since like 2014…4+ years now been comfortable and happy to be alive.

It’s a sad thing to discuss I know makes me tear a bit. For personal joy, I’m probably most proud to overcome suicidal thoughts then alcoholism or anything else …it brings tears to my eyes often.

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That’s interesting, I’m suicidal a lot of the time so I might use it.

I never actually went to the hospital before even with my suicidal plans, my parents didn’t want me to go. So I might go to the hospital again if I get suicidal again.

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When I was at the hospital, they made me write a safety plan. I wasn’t suicidal at the time, just psychotic, but they apparently make every patient do one. It had a list of friends I could call if I was in crisis, a list of professional crisis numbers, a list of activities I find relaxing, a list of reasons to stay alive/work towards recovery, and different breathing exercises/calming techniques. Mine had guitar, baking, dancing, and writing as my relaxing activities, and my sister and two friends as my crisis contacts. I think anyone struggling with suicidal thoughts should make a safety plan for themselves.

Heres a crisis/ssafety plan template. Fill it and and read it alot.

When I am Becoming Unsafe:

Things I think or say to myself when I am in, or entering a spiral:

• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)

Things I do or stop doing when I am in, or entering a spiral:

• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)

Signs that other people can look out for that will warn them I am becoming unsafe or I need help:

• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)

How Other People Can Help When I do not Feel Safe:

Things that people can do or say that help me feel better, at least temporarily:

• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)

Things that people might say or do, meaning well, but that make me feel worse:

• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)

Useful phrases to remind me how to ask for help when I feel too bad to remember how:

• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)

How I Can Help Myself When I do not Feel Safe:

Things that I enjoy when I feel less bad:

• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)

Things that distract me or help me to stay calm:

• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)

I am still alive. The reasons I have not chosen to kill myself before are:

• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)

Good / Positive things that other people think or tell me are true about myself:

• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)
• (Type here)

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Wow, this is really great! Mind if I put it in our crisis resources thread?

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Yea sure :grinning:

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I was reluctant to read this

but yeah, I’ve written one to my daughter

my loves, of her doing her music she learned by ear

just living with her

I just thought, still think, life will be short

you seem so much older, @John_Raven

I hope you weather the storms.

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