Suicidal, not coping

Hi, I was diagnosed with schizophrenia in early 2021. 31 years old. My entire life has been ruined. I was studying post graduate, qualifying to become a lawyer and had great life plans but Scizophrenia has ruined everything. I have been in and out of hospital constantly this year for sucidal depression. I really don’t hear many auditory sounds but I am really struggling with the negative symptoms I.e. depression, anhedonia, motivation, insomnia, apathy, low energy etc. It is crazy how draining this is to deal with everyday. Do the negative symptoms ever go away or get better? My negative symptoms wax and wane.

I have been seeing a psychologist, have family support, exercise, sleep, meditate, take supplements but I feel like I am just not coping. The negative symptoms of Schizophrenia are so debilitating sometimes, constant, I just want to die and suicide seems like the only way out. How do you cope with a mental illness, navigate your way through, an illness that takes everything away from you, make you suffer daily? My life has come to a complete still, I just sit at home painfully watching life go by, the boredom and lack of control is killing me. I just feel that no matter what I do I just may not be able to cope with having a life long disability. There are good moments but I just feel like sleeping all the time because being awake and conscious of everything I have lost because of this disease creates within me an unbearable pain.

If Schizophrenia went away I could cope but the chronic nature of this disease makes me feel like I am trapped in a prison in endless torment. I feel so alone, fearful and helpless. I know suicide would hurt my family but I just want the pain to stop! Having your life come to an complete standstill, not being able to work, socialise, earn money, have independence, not be depressed, is absolute torture. What is the point in me still living lease! Does it get any easier? Feeling suicidal on a daily basis is exhausting! I still cannot believe I have Schizophrenia and have lost everything. It is so unfair! Please help!

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Welcome to the forum! I’m sorry you’re suffering so much. I was suicidal for a long time. But my life improved and now I want to live so don’t give up. There are hotlines you can call to help you get through crises. I’m going to tag moderators so they can post them for you.
@Ninjastar @Moonbeam @rogueone @anon4362788

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If you are feeling suicidal or having a mental health crisis, please tell someone — a friend or family member, a teacher, a doctor or therapist or call 911 (if you’re in the U.S.) or the Emergency Medical Services phone number in your country.

You can also call a crisis intervention hotline—these are available in the U.S. and in many other countries. You do not need to be actively suicidal to benefit from a crisis hotline.

International crisis hotlines:

Crisis hotlines in the U.S.:

More resources:

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I feel like you do.
Couldn’t handle my studies to pursue a path in computer science and
Lost an important career path in operations management due to the illness.
I’m working a low end job learning a new trade right now so I haven’t quit yet. It’s not really what I want to do but it’s something.

So don’t give up. If one path doesn’t work then try to slowly make your way to a new path. It may not be ideal but you gotta keep trying stuff.

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I empathize with your loss of career…I was an intern architect…got the degree but never got licensed…you have to accept your illness and try to see the bright side of life in something like disability or lesser jobs…I know that’s a bit hard to do…you have to find hope first…do that and it will all fall into place…find hope in small things at first if you have to…a good steak, a bouquet of flowers…stuff like that.

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Welcome to the forum. I suffered terrible depression for many years. I wanted to die and attempted to take my life many times but was saved by family members who were watching over me and knew the signs of an overdose. I finally got on the right combination of meds and I no longer want to die. I am happily living my life enjoying my grandchildren and my other family and friends. Don’t give up! There’s a way to feel better. You can find it if you keep trying. There’s hope.

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If you get suicidal call the crisis lines. It’s what they are there for. Above all, don’t act on your suicidal impulses! See what kind of options you have for therapy. Go for a walk in the park. Watch some movies. Go out to eat. Lean on your friends if you need to.

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Are you in the UK?

If you are. Try a talking therapy or CBT therapy or some sort of therapy.

I’m currently very suicidal, and it is for the same reasons, however the ideation comes and goes.

I’m arranging to meet my community mental health nurse to arrange for a talking therapy as I believe the best way to escape suicidal ideation is to have a dialogue that changes your feelings and thought patterns. This is only possible by trained people

Honestly, I can’t say if things will get better. I can say though. You will change, and when you change, you’ll be able to adapt appropriately.

I’m a full time student and also intend to do post graduate studies. I’ve hit a block atm in the second year of university and I’m also trying hard to not be suicidal and to somehow get the marks to progress

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Welcome to this forum! I used to be severely depressed and suicidal. Based on my experience in taking antipsychototics, depression was caused by certain types of antispychotics such as Risperidone, paliperidone, Olanzapine. Since I was switched to Amisulpride in 2013, the depression has gone. However you need to ask your Pdoc to prescribe you Bromocriptin to counteract the high prolactin level induced by Amisulpride. Besides Amisulpride, another good antipsychotic should be Abilify. But I havn’t tried it myself so I have no direct experience in this med. All in all, to find the right antipsychotics is the best way to get rid of depression.

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Hi, do you find Amisulpride to be good for negative symptoms. If so, what negative symptoms and to what extent is Amilsulpride effective?

Thanks.

I have doubts about the concept of negative symptoms, At least my depression was part of the side effects of antipsychotics rather than a negative symptom. I just feel much better after having switched from paliperidone to Amisulpride. I had suffered from severe depressions when I was on Respridone, Olanzapine and paliperidone. But I have not noticed any big differences regarding so-called negative symptoms except for depression. I just noticed similar cognitive impairments with either Risperidone, Paliperidone, or Olanzapine , or Amisulpride. I guess Abilify is better regarding cognitive impairments.

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Don’t give up! You have to take it easy!! Listen to your doctors and psychologist and work on your mental wellness! You’re not the only one on here how had big ambitions like that! There’s a lot of very bright people on here whose life got turned upside down by mental illness! I had voices and delusions a suicide attempt and all kinds of stuff! I feel way way way better now ! A lot of people on here are doing great and were in the same boat as you! Suicide is not an option for anyone . Life gets much better

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I was a school and college topper but due to schizophrenia failed many times and found it hard to complete my engineering and now am jobless

However I did not and am not gonna give up

Suicide is a wrong option or no option

You have to keep up the hope and keep trying whatever little you can and must accept that u will have an average life

Take good medicines and u will feel much better and the suicide thoughts will go away

Also u need to get a grip over ur mind and combat the negative thoughts

Good luck and all the best

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sorry to hear you having a hard time… but i would say don’t give up yet. I felt really bad for long long time but then eventually stumbled on a combo of meds that helped me and since then i been doing better. I still have some negative symptoms but i accepted them…

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First of all. I’m terribly sorry you are having to go through this. I know exactly what it’s like. You have your life planned out in front of you and then schizophrenia comes along and ruins it. Your not alone please dont ever think that.

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Did you lose a friend that you needed in order to function? Because that’s what happened to me to cause the change to sz. Just thinking it might help. I needed someone who worked just as hard as I did and when I lost him, I didn’t have the same attitude.

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A lot of us have been in your shoes but with time, patience, and correct action, as well as correct medicine it can and does get better. It seems like you are dwelling on negative thoughts a lot and finding it difficult to accept your current situation. With time you may come to accept things as they are and learn ways to live within, and even make better the situation you are currently in.

Leave no stoned unturned in your search to make this life as good as it possibly can be. You will learn and grow in ways that are unimaginable for someone who has never faced this.

Best wishes.

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