Not, stay in your memory the most vibrant and make your self confidence and self worth affected…
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@Lara very true. I’m glad I remain somewhat of the person I’ve always felt like I was…I still have affection and trust in most people-even strangers-and I hope I don’t lose it completely because it helped me survive so far with this condition. But ever since I’ve beenever sick I respond with fierce aggression any time I think someone is making fun of me, insulting me, or mocking me I get incredibly offended I’ll throw fists very fast…its not good this disease and exposure to violence, drug abuse and poverty throughout my life is a big liability now.
I am sorry to hear that the environment you live in sounds rather harsh. It makes it much harder to stay well in such situation. Do you have any chance to get more support in the area you live in to manage your anger? I believe that aggression comes from self defence, there is sometimes so little left to sustain self respect in this health condition that negative attitude of others is just the last drop one needs to lose it… I have never been an aggressive person, I still am not, but strangely became more assertive since the outburst of the illness. It is weird but despite my general low self esteem I have more strength to defend myself, and do not stand ***** anymore. It is like if I let people treat myself in a way I allowed in the past I would not survive, it would just kill me (in terms that my suicidal ideations would be acted upon). It is counter intuitive, but somehow my illness made me stronger. Like my survival mode has been switched on. I used to be really depressed, but since my illness, when not feeling bad, I actually am feeling happy and content with myself and my life. I cannot really explain that…
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@Lara thats a really great perspective to have with this illness. Thank you so much. I’m always glad to hear about the evolution of someone who can learn to manage it with peace and dignity. Seems like I’m not there yet, or just in a different place. The things I’ve seen and think about are beyond my control now…I try to refuse their influence in any way possible usually, which I expect myself to stay alive and free from incarceration.
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Thinking about it maybe it is just medication I am on which along with my psychotic symptoms also helped my never treated depression. I maybe give myself too much credit and it is not my “wisdom” or whatever, just busted chemistry in my brain 
anyhow I am glad for that 
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the stupidest thing I’ve been told…well, said about me…was that I can’t possibly have it because I don’t act like ‘x’ person they knew who also has it
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That one is particularly idiotic, dehumanizing, and condescending @peculiarity13. These people mostly can’t accept schizophrenia in real life because the lazy hyperbole from bad writers and actors from Criminal Minds keeps them safe from the challenge of witnessing our humanity…or something along those lines.
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“Your secret is safe with me.” Kinda funny since I didn’t tell them it was private.
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The stupidest thing some of people did was blocking me on social networks, refusing to talk to me, because I confessed I have schizophrenia.
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My aunt asked me if it was like ADHD
I’ve never had anyone say anything to me personally, (probably because i never tell anyone) but when I was psychotic, before ever seeing a doctor, my in-laws told my wife she should leave me and take the kids because they wouldn’t be safe around me.
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One long term friend hung up the phone on me. It was harsh.
Generally people are ok but ignorant relatives treat me as if I am really stupid or something.