Struggling and Friendship

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I have one amazing friend irl. She’s the most wholesome, beautiful person I’ve ever met. I’ve never heard her be nasty to anyone. If anyone deserves the best in life, it’s this woman. She’s the only person I have who is supportive and aware of my psychosis.

My father, whom I’m staying with, is the very opposite. He’s hyper critical of everyone. He’s always calling people stupid, and praising himself for everything he does. When he makes a mistake, it’s ok, but if others do, it’s severe. He feels attacked when anyone disagrees with him, and he promptly puts them down, and punishes them. If ever he realizes their idea is the right way, he proudly proclaims he came up with it. He constantly talks about how every woman he meets wants him, and is always talking in graphic detail about his sexual exploits. I know all about his sex life, always have.

He asks me yesterday, “when are you going to let me meet that hot friend of yours? Isn’t she hot?” I’m extremely protective of my friends, especially this one, and this almost triggered me. But I laughed and played it off, “no, it will never happen. She’s too good for you.” and even though my tone was lighthearted, he quickly turned on me, telling me I’m “so fcking selfish” with nothing but hate in his face.

Me, selfish, for protecting my friend from him. Might I add, HE HAS A FIANCE. Needless to say, he cheats on her all the time. Tells me about other women he fcks, and describes them as being his next wife, with all the details of their intimacy.

I was incredibly upset and asked him why he’s so nasty to me, why is he always putting me down? And I told him, I wish he could meet her, so he could see how she treats me in contrast to my own father. And then he threatened me with homelessness.

I get to see my friend today for the first time since being back in the same state. She was the one I lived with before I moved to Colorado, which happened just before my psychosis. She’s the only one I’ve been able to talk to openly about it, who I also know irl.

I’m struggling more and more. My psychosis is getting stronger again, and I know it’s because of my environment. I haven’t been able to work lately either. It’s all too much. I know she’ll insist I get help, and I do have a psychiatrist appt in the next two weeks.

I might actually be getting help this time. If it weren’t for her, I don’t think I could.

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i wish you the best, in that is a big land up there with different obstacle then here.

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Can you get on disability? That way you can move away from the toxicity and have your own place. If not, you’ll have to try again to work to get your own place.

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I think I have to. Work is too much. I’m trapped in my head all the time, and the external auditory hallucinations have been interfering with my ability. Not to mention the verbal abuse I’m constantly hearing from my father, and the internal voices. It’s all too much.

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I’ve been on disability for almost a decade and it’s a great help financially. I’m in a different country but the process only took for me a couple of months and was pretty straight forward. All I needed was a report from my pdoc and a review by a board of doctors.

Have you already informed yourself on the process? I know some on this forum used the services of a disability lawyer.

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Not really, no. I know having a lawyer helps, but first I have to be diagnosed and receiving treatment, so that’s where I plan to start.

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Good luck in getting diagnosed and on a proper treatment plan!

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I only have 1 irl friend as well that I’ve known since 1997, I’ve told him everything about my psychosis and he treats me normally. But I rarely see him cause he has family/work. He is a good guy.

Sorry to hear about your Dad :frowning_face:

What meds are you on? Do they help? Or are you considered treatment resistant?

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Maybe when you see this pdoc you’ll get put on some decent medication and be able to work.

You said you had a cushy corporate job in the past,

That ought to bring a lot of money fast.

And if it doesn’t help, you can start the disability process but I’d do it with an attorney.

About your friend,

I think it’s nice that your protective, but your friend is likely a grown ass woman who can reject your father’s advances on her own if she has to.

Sorry that you have such an awful living condition,

Hope you figure it out soon.

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I’ve never talked to a Dr about my current psychosis, I’ve been adamantly against seeking treatment until recently. I was on Risperdal ten years ago for an isolated psychotic episode, and on geodon when I was sixteen. I haven’t been on any meds in ten years though. My views have always been antipsychiatry, so this is a big step for me to take.

I’m glad you have a friend who’s supportive, it makes all the difference. She isn’t scared at all about seeing me, which is what I expected. It’s a huge relief to be treated with kindness and understanding.

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Psychiatry doesn’t sit right with a lot of people with sz, for me it has a lot to do with the fact that I’m socially critical, meaning social for me is ideas that either offend of entice me rather than a reality to participate in. Psychiatry seems to be about objective reality and normalcy, whereas normalcy for me reeks of conformity, a bunch of other con- words, and lack of individuality. I don’t like that having a condition gives strangers power over you in this kind of society. There’s more to criticize obviously, but you have your own mind with your own criticisms likely. Nevertheless, I take meds because I am sick not because I’m a supporter of psychiatry. Equating taking a drug and supporting it’s social context is like saying taking aspirin from Bayer is supporting Nazi Germany.

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You get it. I feel the same.

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This is a good perspective. Thank you.

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Sounds like your dad is a real gem. Parents play such a big role in recovery. My parents have been very supportive and understanding. Why would he tell you about girls he had sex with. That seems like TMI for a father to sibling conversation. Im glad you have a friend you can rely on. I moved home away from all my friends. Its a lonely life.

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He has to be recognized for everything he does, including sex. He’s a textbook narcissist. He also has no tact, or decency, and is extreme in everything he does. He likes rattling people, and making them uncomfortable. It makes them vulnerable to him. I’ve always been a target of his, but not the only one. He’s a felon, from physically assaulting a female employee of his. He’s also a convicted child molester (at least three separate counts). Yeah, he’s a gem alright.

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I wouldn’t describe myself as anti-psychiatry but I was a huge skeptic, I didn’t trust it all that much, and I was angry over all the side effects of my old medication (Olanzapine), however I am on Lurasidone (Latuda) and doing much better, so I’m glad I gave it a chance, even if it took me 18 years to reach this point.

Yeah, same, he isn’t scared either, and has been supportive about it.

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Jeeze. That sounds awful

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