So I’ve gradually been slipping back into being bad. The figure is back taunting me. I stay up all night crying telling it to go away but he doesn’t. I’ve been losing time and “waking up” with cuts and bruises. My therapist hasn’t mentioned that I’m getting worse. Last session she was worried and wanted to call my mom for fear I’d kill myself. I don’t know what she thinks for once. I’m just not connected anymore. ive only been worse than this one time and I was put in the psychiatric hospital halfway around the country and I CANNOT do that again. I wouldn’t have such an issue with it but I start my classes in exactly 4 hours. And I CANT CANT CANT miss another semester because of this. I’ve been isolating and lying so everyone besides my T thinks I’m doing well. I was supposed to have this degree in 2015. I don’t wanna slip again. Please any advice?
@Bittercat are you taking medication?
I can’t. They put me at higher risk with my eating disorder. I’m also never compliant and when I take them for a while then suddenly come off I try to kill myself. Every. Single. Time. So I don’t take them.
Can you get therapy on an outpatient basis? Do you think that would help? You seem awfully isolated to me. Maybe you could get some kind of group therapy on an outpatient basis. Prolonged solitude can provide a fertile playground for your mental illness. Sometimes just being around people helps. You don’t even have to interact with them if you don’t want to. Just having some company can help. Does your university provide any counseling services?
I prefer to be alone because I honestly just don’t like people. I do the bare minimum with social interaction to continue living my preferred life. I go to school, work, and occasionally to a friends house when necessary. That’s besides the point though. The only outpatient iop/php in my city is absolute ■■■■. It was group based, no one EVER paid attention to me. I think I spoke once while being there for almost 6 months and was only praised twice. Once for being “a good looking girl despite all my condition” and another time when the leading psychologist wanted to put a sketch of mine on her office wall. Never for recovery. Never for ■■■■■■■■ compliance. Never for using healthy coping skills. Nothing. I had a panic attack one day right outside of the building and went in red faced and bothered and all they said was “having a rough day today huh” and continued on with the people who’s boyfriends left them or that couldn’t answer a telephone. Anyways, I’ve looked into others in the area. I’d have to travel daily to go to the one a few towns over and I don’t have it in my schedule. Especially not while there’s class. I can’t miss a semester and I obvioxusly can’t miss work or i won’t be able to support myself.
Also it’s just a community college. So no services. And I don’t think the Dean of Academic Affairs will wave my late withdrawal fees again. So I have to finish this semester. I can’t pay for tuition out of pocket.
Part of that is just the normal stress of going to school. Could you drop a few hours? Lighten your load like that?
My financial aid has already been processed for a full time student. You think I could email my professors? I think there’s a form or something that allows me more time on tests and gets rid of late work penalties. I’ve only ever seen them used for developmentally delayed people. Do you think they’d grant one to someone with Sz?
It sure would be worth a try. Maybe you could talk to your professors and let them know you’re going through a hard time. Hopefully they’ll have a heart and accommodate you.
God I hope so. I’ll try that. I really hope I can make all my classes.
Update: I ■■■■■■ my first day of classes up bad. Late to my first class. Immediately targeted in my second class. Can’t WAIT for my art class so I can have a ■■■■■■■ break.
Good news: I spoke to the academic accommodations lady. I have some forms to fill out. So does my pdoc. Hopefully they accept it. Pray for me. Not really but I do need some magic to happen or my gpa is gunna go to trash.