Someone think like people can see your illness?

Unusual Beliefs
1

I’m lately thinking that someone that don’t even knows me can feel my illness in my look without even talk.

Someone feels identified?

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I pass as a total normie. 100%. All day, everyday.
EXCEPT when I have had psychotic episodes where I go dancing down the street or hugging, pointing at or poking strangers, babbling in a ‘fake’ foreign languages, thinking I can sing really well (OMG…) or, of course trying to commit suicide. I have had some seriously crazy shenanigans go on. Yes, people can see my illness then. For sure. Absolutely.
But when I am not psychotic, no one can tell at all,

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Some times I feel like people can see I’m not functioning well mentally, due to the fact when I make mistakes, it’s obvious.
I’ll think people judge me and assume I’m stupid.
No one has assumed or thought I had some mental problems however, but I do come off as daydreaming or very quiet and kept to myself.
I usually do whatever I can to keep the strong facade of “Oh hey yeah so I’m not sick at all ya know, I’m TOTALLY functional” despite when I start seeing or hearing frightening things.
This was before I got medicated, though.

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I feel a big weight come off me when I get by myself because I don’t have to be all stiff and watch my mannerisms. My stress is so sky high that my act isn’t that solid though. But if I “let loose” people would either laugh at me or be perturbed. I always try to stay around people for as little as possible.

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Yes, I know some can see my illness! Most days ,when I am heavily medicated, no one pays much attention to me at all. I don’t even like people so I hang out alone most of the time. I love my dog because he sees all of my crazy, yet still loves me. Everyone else’s opinion doesn’t bother me anymore! I am me and that’s the only thing I can do. Take me or leave me…this part of me.

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It happens me with everyone, I have the preconceived idea that they will find out that I am sick, I get nervous and then its when people see that there are something strange in me. It is shame caused by the general opinion about the schizophrenics, i don’t want that my behaviour reveals my secret.