Social skills difficulties- no help even if acknowledged

Even if they acknowledge you have poor social skills there’s very little actual help for it. You’re just told that it’s good to socialise and encouraged to do so as though that will miraculously improve things. There is no help to learn how to socially interact with others. You’re left bewildered and struggling . After a while you get to preferring your own company as interacting with others, outside of family, is too stressful .

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so right ,finding common references to things are unclear, fears to over come even the simple of tasks are not addressed in therapy with out a class to teach them.

@firemonkey what about other people with a mental illness? :slight_smile:

I have struggled with social issues since preschool when I would not speak at school. Throughout my childhood I just accepted that I didn’t know what to do or say in social situations. I look at other people I encounter (the few I do) and they seem to have this innate sense of what to do and say. Almost like their social IQ dwarfs my own.

As a schizophrenic I’ve come to accept the label, and that brings with it stigma. But the reality is our thoughts ARE bizarre, we are weird people to put it in simple words. We don’t fit in to society, we have an extremely unfortunate illness which limits our social integration.

For example, I suffer from cognitive inflexibility more than many others. I can’t drive myself places because I lack the ability to adjust to abrupt changes of routine. Driving on the freeway would be dangerous for me. Most adults in my city are drivers, this difference between us sets me apart from society.

Continuing with my cognitive issues, I struggle to deviate from a strict routine. I have strange focuses which consume my mind completely, like the illness I have itself. How can someone make friends in real life when they are cooped up on an online forum, searching for news about the illness, and basically obsessing over things most of society doesn’t consider interesting. Most people love movies, literature, current events, and socializing. I find that, because of my inability to focus my mind on any of that, I’m often lacking when I try to have conversations which go beyond small talk.

Basically, I struggle for many reasons, yes difficulties socializing which I can trace back to deficits which existed since birth. But also the fact that my unusual thoughts and life history make me something of an untouchable or an oddity in society.

I really feel this pain too.

Do you have a support worker. If not can you get the help of one that could help you slowly to start doing a bit more out and about if that is something you would want to aim for ?

If so you could perhaps visit your GP or a point of contact for a referral to one.

I feel less uneasy with other people with mental illness, but still social interaction isn’t easy.

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I don’t have one. At my new place everyone is supposed to have a cpn. I think though that most of the help goes to those who are acute cases and may be an immediate risk to themselves or others. You can be none of these things but struggling to function adequately and you’ll be shoved to the back of the queue in terms of help and support.

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The reason people say socializing will improve it is because of the whole practice makes perfect thing.

I found when I had a job it eventually made me much less scared of people. Granted I’ve lost a lot of those skills since I don’t work now.

But maybe try to go to a group that’s into the same stuff as you. That’s where I’d start. Wish you luck!

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It is a bit more complicated when you add paranoia, ideas of reference, thought disorders or cognitive impairment…

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I know it’s just it’s true for most people that’s how it works. It’s kinda like systematic desensitization.

I personally don’t really socialize anymore because of paranoia.(not that I was ever a social butterfly) But I find I’m a little more comfortable with people I have something in common with so I thought I’d share.

I’m sorry I didn’t mean to oversimplify things I know it’s really hard to learn and do I really didn’t mean anything by it.

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That makes some sense. I have quite limited interests though. (a) Finding such a group especially (b) one that isn’t full of zealous ‘experts’ that make you feel inadequate would be a tall order.
The things I’m interested in I’m far from an expert at and I’d need a group where interest trumped whether you knew more than the next person.

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I can socialize on a surface level and I’ve gotten much better at it, (just by listening to what others say and learning what the standard response is) but that’s all of two-five minutes and then what do I do? I know what you mean, @firemonkey.
You’re such a knowledgeable individual, though. If you keep up with news and current topics the way you do with things you post here, it seems like you could socialize just fine.
One thing I have found out is that most people, MI or not, are insecure about how they come across to others.

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