Side effects. People seem to avoid talking about them, which is understandable. They always sound worse than they probably are, but still—who wants to deal with them? Just give me some meds without the add-ons and I’ll be happy. There’s no upside to drooling, muscle stiffness, double vision, or diarrhea.
I live with schizophrenia. I’d been through a number of medications before working with my current psychiatrist to settle on the regimen I’m presently taking. They seem to keep me mentally balanced if not a bit dull around the edges. I’ll take it. Side effects are better than psychosis.
But for me, meds were worse than my original problems.
Side effects have been really hard for me to deal with, especially the complete “loss of self” - emotional blunting/anhedonia, losing feelings of love and joy and connection to self and others, as well as losing all sorts of cognitive skills (attention, working memory, central coherence, etc). Physical symptoms weren’t nice either. And also the increased sensitivity to psychosis, the rebound psychosis - I wasn’t ever fully psychotic before meds.
I personally would have preferred them to treat me without meds first, use meds as a last resort. They should have tried to solve the underlying issues first, instead of immediately drugging me. To be honest, I preferred my original problem (trauma, anxiety, mild traumarelated paranoia) over all the problems that meds caused.
Also, I think there should be honesty and openness. Nobody in psychiatry ever warned me about side effects and withdrawals, they weren’t acknowledged at all, even when I asked or I noticed them myself. I would have been much less scared of psychiatry if they would have been honest with me from the start.
Sometimes the illness is worse than the side effects, but sometimes the side effects are worse. Sometimes meds are needed, but sometimes they are not. And sometimes a switch to a different med or a different dose makes life bearable again.
And no - I’m not saying people should just stop their meds. My own tendency to quit meds cold turkey out of fear was a recipe for disaster as well. It almost killed me.
My weight gain is becoming overbearing now but I had 26 generally decent years as a result of the meds that I otherwise wouldn’t have had. I worked, went back to school, biked, swam, walked down nature trails, watched hundreds of storms, and enjoyed the company of my family. I really can’t complain that much.
That’s too bad, sorry to hear that. Just out of curiosity: how do you know it’s the illness, not the meds?
For me it was 100% certain the meds - I never had those symptoms, they started immediately upon starting the meds, from one day to another, and they went away when I stopped the meds a few times. Even family and friends see the difference in me between on and off meds - my eyes are sparkling again, I’m more happy, coherent, active and present. And even now, on a lower dose, I’m feeling much much much better than on higher doses, even though some of the side effects are lingering and perhaps permanent damage. If I had to do my life over again, I’d avoid psychiatrists like the plague. They made my life worse, not better at all.
On the other hand, someone I know really likes the meds effect… he likes how they make him sleepy and calm in the evening.
I think there should be respect for different experiences with meds… some need or even like them, for some it is a disaster.
Weight gain, tremors, fainting if I get up too fast, and erectile dysfunction. Every man’s dream. I had all the negatives before meds so I don’t blame the meds. Nobody would purposely do this to themselves if they didn’t have to.
Seriously though I can’t live without them. Two Geodon and a Latuda a day equals no hospital stay.
Im in serious dilema with meds, i feel almost exactly the same as @anon73478309. My case is more complicated still because i was smoking weed daily and now i feel like a grumpy lifeless zombie a month into taking risperidone. Trying to push myself to go longer and will probably try a different AP but deep down inside i miss my psychosis. I feel like i had it maintained though a breakdown i had says otherwise. I just cant handle the negatives i have and seems like this is a common and expected side effect.
Is it wrong to like my halucinations/delusions? I dont follow the rabbit hole anymore but i just like to experience its beauty. I think for me it helps ive always had positive experiences, nothing severly scary. I always wonder though if its like playing with fire
I entered into the official “Psych” stream of therapy in 1994, and it wasn’t until things got considerably worse that meds were introduced in 1996…along with a Dx of Sz.
Cut to 2012, and this is the meds graveyard of all that have been tried,
And failed miserably.
As one (or two) pdocs have complained about me being “Upside down” on meds-
Everything promised and said resulted in completely the opposite desired effects experienced.
None of the benefits evered outweighed the side effects.
I can understand only part of your dilemma. I too turned into a grumpy zombie because of meds. But when I panicked and stopped meds cold turkey, I turned into a lunatic. Wouldn’t recommend that. I personally really don’t like my psychosis, it’s so scary and dangerous and it hurts others as well as me. Perhaps it would be different if I’d have positive experiences. But I don’t think it is a good idea to idealize psychosis. Is it as much of a positive experience to the people around you as it is for you? Can you still be in real contact with the world, with the people around you?
I now seem to have found a balance, I hope. I monitor closely how I feel and whether I have symptoms and adjust the meds to that. I’m also really open about that to a few people (private and professional). In this way I managed to find a much lower dose with which I can function. It is a bit like dancing on a rope though… sometimes I have breakthrough symptoms and then I need to raise the meds for a bit, and I still fear one day I’m too late.
But… I am generally happy and not a zombie now, even with meds, and I can pay genuine attention to people around me again. Because I’m on a much lower dose than they first started me at. Perhaps your pdoc wants to discuss trying different meds or - carefully! - lowering the dose?
Sorry that you haven’t found anything to relieve your symptoms yet.