Hello! I’m very new to this site (I created an account merely minutes ago and this is going to be my first post) so I apologize if this does not fit the appropriate topic category or if somehow I’m doing something wrong. I’ve seen a somewhat similar thread on here from a while ago, but I wanted to ask a more specific question regarding identity struggles.
I was wondering whether anyone else has ever had delusions about being someone else, whether they be a historical figure, a celebrity, or perhaps someone you know personally? For me, in my own experience, I believe I am someone but myself - and pretty firmly at that, but I also recognize I am not. I know I am not that person, and I know that I will never be another individual but myself, though I refuse to accept it. I feel more comfortable with the identity I’ve assumed, even though it is not my own. I have also contemplated changing my name to fit that identity, but it’s obvious why I’m incredibly hesitant on doing that. Yeah, it’s creepy, I know. I also struggle with my appearance because of this. I often make attempts to alter my face to match that of who I believe to be. Sometimes, I feel so defeated because I don’t look like the person I’ve deluded myself into believing I am that I end up bursting into tears because of it, and very rarely do I cry. I have never discussed this with anybody else, and the only place I’ve ever seen something similar being discussed was this forum. I figured I’d make a post, so… here I am!
The thing is, I completely recognize my delusion, and I am almost 100% aware that I am not in any way related to this individual, but it’s like my brain just… shuts off whenever I try to confront myself about it. I don’t even think it could really be classed as a delusion, but what else could you call it? I’ve heard people on Tumblr call it “fact-kinning,” though I’m pretty sure that term was coined by trolls who have no idea that this is a legitimate thing and just wanted to make fun of those who “kin” fictional characters. I’m so absorbed in my belief that I think about it every single day, constantly convincing myself I am not me. I refuse to accept I am me. I don’t feel real at all.
Phew. Apologies for this incredibly long post, wow. I wasn’t planning on having it this much of a read. There’s a whole lot to say about it, having never spoken about it in my life, but this felt good to get off of my chest. I hope someone else can relate to this at least, and it would be incredibly relieving to know I’m not alone in having a weird perception of self. Again, I’m sorry if this doesn’t fit the correct category. I’ve never actually used this website before, like I said. Hopefully I’m doing this right!
