finding myself

So this may be a bit existential, but I’m having trouble figuring out who I am. For instance, what kinds of principles and attributes make up who I am? The reason this is so difficult for me is that I am quite a different person manic vs. depressed, meds vs. no meds, and different on one med versus another. Add to that my consistent delusions and confusion about reality, and I just don’t know. Anyone else have trouble with this sort of identity crisis? Any ideas as to how to break through?


Keep taking the meds. Then you’ll have a consistent personality. Don’t stop / start / stop meds.


You’re not that different. We struggle with those problems as they are a part of being mentally ill. When you start to find the security you lost, your mind will reawaken and you’ll know more what you want.


Welcome to the forum, @ambassient. This is a great first post!
I have always had identity issues and I’m not sure they’ll ever be resolved.
For me, feeling very different from everyone around me caused me to question myself and hate myself from a young age. Then, I had many secrets to keep that made me create a facade for others in order to hide my reality.
Part of my delusion as a young teen to young adult was an extreme sense of belonging to God and wanting to return to heaven, etc., which made me have no grounding on this planet or sense of common/normal perspective or reference.
Sometimes I wish I could crumple myself up and start over, like a drawing. But I can’t.

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Don’t give up stay on your meds trust for the nest part of 16 years i did not know myself, then i was sectioned at 31 years old.For the past 9 years on meds i have found my true self, as a person who cares deeply about people struggling around the world,nature and making a difference any little way i can.

Sorry i meant trust me and best part of 9 years sorry about the spelling mistakes!

@Hedgehog, I too had delusions that turned into secrets, and then felt like I wanted to erase everything up to that point and start over. The delusions really throw me for a loop causing the identity crisis. Every time I think I’m making headway into figuring out who I am a delusion or psychotic episode comes along and upsets the whole process.

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I have real identity issues also… And they lasted for very long in my case… I see you, it is very painful cause we cant find our place among the others with this… I even honestly thought more ill people on the forum had this, but i find most of them quite good in identity… Me, i even didnt know which partner i like… I guess its up to recover on thinking, to grip on reality… I guess i lived in a dream world, its a mi yeap… Idk if you have anxiety or paranoia, but they can be an obstacle to your healthy me too. But this state is reversible, try to be positive about it. Me too i struggle a lot precisely on this. Take care!

I have schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type, so I definitely understand feeling like a different person depending on my current psychosis. I used to be a wreck, then I started taking my meds, and it’s made such a difference. I have found that even during a manic phase, I can now stop myself from (in my case, this is one of my issues) insane shopping sprees if we can’t afford it. It is hard, but the medicine has made a huge difference.

For the record, I take lamotrigine for mood, lithium for suicidal ideation, saphris for hallucinations, diazepam for anxiety, and ingrezza for tardive dyskinesia. It’s a lot, but you do what you have to do to make it work.

I do have social anxiety as well as paranoia. Often these collude with my hallucinations and I find myself in a strange mental state, unsure of exactly who I am

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